Why Men Are Sexier In Briefs

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed about many men that I haven’t personally browbeaten into submission, it’s that they don’t seem to care that much about what they wear. And the only reason I have moved to Europe is that I’m willing to sacrifice men’s charming command of my mother tongue for their ability to pair a scarf with a button-down. I’m aware that the average guy doesn’t know how to pair a sweater vest with a tie, and even I have my limits when it comes to how much time a man should spend in front of a mirror, but there should at least be one part of their outfit that is classic, flattering, and still utterly masculine.

Their underwear.

Now, it is a well-known fact that the majority of European men prefer to wear briefs or those adorable little David Beckham-esque trunk things, and even within that large umbrella of skintight undergarments exists an array of styles. Yet regardless of what brand, color or cut they choose, one thing is certain—it will be far more attractive than that slovenly, nauseating, oh-so-American abomination known as the boxer.

Its billowing folds of fabric seem to convey a desire to hide all form, pillowing and padding whatever unflattering tapered khaki or jean is forced to cover it. Whereas the brief aims to cradle and emphasize the beautiful, sculpted male form, the boxer seems to resent it. I picture a boxer hating its life from start to finish. From its birth, somewhere in the dark recesses of a Chinese sweatshop, made from the most unfortunate acrylic materials, to its bitter, brutally delayed end when it is threadbare, covered in skidmarks, and completely discolored after about 200 washes too many.

I can hear the chorus of men I know screaming, “But briefs are gay, Chelsea!” And to that I say, grow a pair. Wearing briefs is gay in the same way learning how to dance well is gay. It’s an attractive, flattering, useful quality that women like and lazy heterosexual men have convinced themselves they don’t need to do. Back when we had something resembling a society, men actually took pride in looking as put-together as possible when they left the house, and women were content to cook brisket in a corset and welcome you home with a blowjob and a whiskey sour. Make some connections here.

The brief seems to hug the top of those ever-so-lovely soccer player’s legs, saying, “Ooh la la! Wouldn’t want to cover those up!” Its slightly indecent but still extremely masculine cut at the top makes utter Ken Dolls out of the flat-stomached men that wear them. And, in perhaps the best feature of all, they are (as the name implies) UNDERwear. You don’t see them sloppily gushing over the top of ill-fitting pants, as though the jeans themselves were vomiting. No, they rest politely and demurely at the hip (where they belong), making them all the more provocative and lovely when they’re revealed.

Men’s fashion is a dying art. And simple details are what make it entirely. Let’s start by not wearing pee-stained windsails as undergarments. TC mark

image – iStockPhoto.com

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • slutidarity

    “the majority of European men prefer to wear briefs or those adorable little David Beckham-esque trunk things”

    Actually, I can testify that this probably only applies to continental European mean. British guys are still very much in the boxers camp. Although there are a great many Europeans who can meet in the middle via the magical medium of the “boxer brief”.

  • Jack

    What about boxer-briefs? I assume they qualify, but I don't want to make that assumption.

    • Oliver Miller

      I wore boxer-briefs once, then took off my pants in front of a girl, and came to this sudden realization: “I'm wearing a cotton version of biking shorts.” Also, fuck all briefs. Boxers 4evah!

      • http://someharddrugs.blogspot.com Carolyn DeCarlo

        i think they were too long maybe?

    • http://twitter.com/thisiswilson MWil

      I do the Boxer-Brief thing when I'm going out – they can bunch still, but hold it steady when you're dance-THRUSTING.

  • WesternLIon

    I dress for comfort, screw briefs.

    • a girl

      i dress for comfort, muu muus 4 life

  • azi

    Boxer briefs has the best of both worlds.

  • PERFECTCIRCLES

    Boxers look better when I sag my pants 10 inches below my waist.

    • GIRL

      'sagging'

      • SBB

        Saggin' Baggin' Barry

  • SteveDave

    Trunks all the way! It can be very difficult to find quality pairs here in the US though …

  • Dee

    guys that think briefs are “gay” depress the fuck out of me.

    • guest

      Girls who think that the only guys who wear briefs are little boys, old guys with a gut, or gay depress the fuck out of me.

  • Jem

    amen!

  • SousChefGerard

    Pee stained windsails or shit tracked nut huggers? America wins again.

  • AaronWB

    Briefs look good on Calvin Klein models. On the average dude with skinny legs and a beer gut, they look very bleak indeed.

    It's like telling all women to wear thong bikinis. Women look great in thong bikinis! Except when they don't…

    • Emeraldflashlight

      This is the best post. Perfect response to this inane essay. What the author is really saying is that she doesn't like guys with beer guts. This is a perfectly valid opinion, but say what you mean.

      On another note: If, as the author suggests, my slovenly appearance has led to the degradation of a “society” where women are content with a subservient role providing brisket and blowjobs, then that's enough to convince me to switch BACK to boxers and speed that degradation along.

  • http://tattoosnob.com Julene

    Oh god, I thought I was the only straight female with a briefs (or boxer-briefs) preference. Boxers make me think of board shorts–always a bad look.

  • http://twitter.com/Badger51 Douglas Drake

    As a young man, I avoided boxers since the availability of friction led to too many ackward erections…Alas, no I wear boxers without hesitation!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_LRQUCAG7JWNNBUEGHEMRG5RA24 Adam Smith

    As a young US male, I avoided boxers because the constant friction led to often unexpected erections. Alas, today, I wear boxers without fear…

    • Lol

      Wow, you and Douglas Drake think so much alike!

  • EmiliaBedelia

    briefs make me giggle (in a bad way, in a way that is condescending to whoever's briefs i am looking at).

  • http://thedailydoodles.tumblr.com/ David Michael Chandler

    Wait, yeah, I'm wondering too… boxer briefs are yay or nay? I have to go shopping and I'm not sure which to get now :-(

    • okay

      yay, boxer briefs work too

  • http://twitter.com/kyleangeletti Kyle Angeletti

    can't wear sweet jeans with boxers. duh.
    made the switch a year ago.

    side note; men's fashion does not equal a man's style.
    menswear has been on the rise for a while now, and a lot of dudes are on this tip.
    who gives a fuck about fashion.

  • http://www.facebook.com/gregpphoto Greg Petliski

    “It’s an attractive, flattering, useful quality that women like and lazy heterosexual men have convinced themselves they don’t need to do.”

    I've never thought of briefs as “attractive” Yea, banana hammocks are reaallll smooth guys.

  • Iseulthefair

    I'm a girl and I like men wearing boxers…I want my man to be free! lol I can't stand briefs.. they look like prisons and above all they are very very very unhandy! boxers for life!

    • guest

      you know you really shouldn’t judge a man on the type of underwear he wears just as im sure he wouldn’t do to you. I like my girlfriend to wear bikini briefs, i hate thongs and g stings but i don’t say anything cause its her choice. its not about how handy it is for you to get your hands on his cock its about if he feels the comfort he should and by wearing a nice pair of briefs he will definitely feel the support he needs preferably Calvin Klein.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/willandbears Masha Sun

    briefs all the way. penis.

  • KL

    Boxer-briefs FTW.

    Swear by them. Briefs hold things up too tight. I want support but not too much. At the same time, you don't want it all sloshing around. Plus, no lame boxer fabric rides up out of the top of my pants and in my ass.

  • kevo8503

    I used to do the brief thing and then the boxer thing as a teenager and now that i am in my 20s, i am def back to doing briefs. they have nice support and they can be very sexy if you have the right pair (color, design, etc) and not just plain whitey-tighties. Briefs FTW!

  • http://phmadore.com P. H. Madore

    Female misogynist. Sweet.

  • http://phmadore.com P. H. Madore

    For the record, though, I rarely wear underwear at all. I'm just not that into them. Free balling is the only way to true liberation. Women look best in those things that look like a band of fabric. I'll find a picture. Hold please.

    Ah, here we are:

    http://www.okokchina.com/Files

    • http://twitter.com/Cackles Mitch

      Briefs are tight and uncomfortable. Boxers ride up one's legs and are uncomfortable. As a whole, underwear is of the devil and uncomfortable. Plus it's always fun to see the little “oh” of momentary-surprise-that-turns-into-a-coy-smile on a woman's face when she reaches into my pants and realizes there's nothing underneath.

      • http://phmadore.com P. H. Madore

        I think you're onto something. Chelsea Fagan is the devil.

  • Lia

    every single american male who has ever taken his pants off in front of me has been wearing boxer briefs. i am an actress so this is probably 200 guys (cheap dressing rooms). where are these boxer wearing americans you speak of…..

    • http://phmadore.com P. H. Madore

      First time I read your comment, I thought you were saying you had slept with 200 guys, and I was like, “Rad” and strangely turned on. Then the disappointment of reading a second time for clarification. Ah well.

  • Guest666

    brisket was on point. dudes probably never got blowjobs during whatever time period you referenced though. whiskey was probably neat, too.

    as a skinny dude that likes his pussy tight and his jeans even tighter…can't be fuckin with boxers.

    • http://someharddrugs.blogspot.com Carolyn DeCarlo

      so agreed.

      “those adorable little David Beckham-esque trunk things” are necessary for skinny pants.

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