Charlie Shaw

Don’t add your photo to your resume. I go through 1000’s of resumes and you’d be surprised how many people do this.

I’m a gigolo for grandmas. Some as old as 90, none younger than 65. I’ve got $2 million in a bank from grandmas leaving me money in their wills.

Had and erection in 9th grade biology. Teach thought it was my phone and grabbed it.

“When you look at me a bunch of times but never when I look back, what does that mean exactly?”

“No matter how hard you try, you will never be ‘one of the guys,’ so don’t take it personally if you don’t get invited to some things.”

I joined one when I was a teen. I raised a large family in it. It was one of those traps that once you’re in you just can’t get out without chewing your leg off. After a lifetime in it, as in most cults, my family began to be attacked. As a mother I couldn’t stand by and watch.

Cremated cat inside a leather satchel, inside the vagina of an extremely obese woman. Cremated in her fireplace, still had some fur and bones. Kid you not.

“I can’t come in because my dad hasn’t washed my uniform.”

He came in the next day with a note from his dad. He was 21. Then fired.