“I’m friends with all my exes, but I hate other girls. Ugh!”
“I can’t wait to get married so that I don’t have to give blowjobs anymore.” Yes, I know at least one girl that has said this before.
“LOOK OUT! THIS BUILDINGS ABOUT TO BLOW!”
I went on a first date with a girl I had met online and we had been talking for all of 15 minutes when she told me that her parents had a cabin and I should come stay with them in a couple of weeks. We were in the “Strangers who just met” awkward phase where I didn’t even know her last name and she is inviting me on family vacations.
“Her boyfriend was going to leave, so I told my cousin to poke some holes in their condoms and get pregnant. It worked!”
“You’re the first nice guy I’ve met”
“I don’t believe in using condoms”
“All my friends are guys.”
“So tell me your zodiac sign, I want to find out if we would be a good match!”
“I love Marilyn Monroe, she is such a role model”
I have never met a woman who idolizes Marilyn Monroe and is also a sane and levelheaded individual.
This girl once tried to seriously (in 2005) tell me she was an Android. Half-human, half-robot. My friend and I just walked away simultaneously.
Any mention of herpes, and I’m out.
“Are we going to get married or am I just wasting my time with you?”
“I hate how itchy my beard is.”
Well if their dating profile says anything about them being a, “princess, queen, goddess or baby” They are too rich for my blood.
“I don’t believe in vaccines.”
For me, any mention of a kid and I nope the hell out of there. I’m 20, I don’t want a kid yet.
“I’m drama-free”. NOPE NOPE NOPE RUN AWAY.
Well, if she has a knife, or a…you know, gun, and she screams “I WILL MURDER YOU” That… yeah that would make me run in the other direction.
Female coworker started to refer to me as “slave” out of the blue. It was non sexual and weird. She was cute, but I stopped talking to her after that.
“Yeah…you like that, you fucking retard?”
All things I’ve had said to me from girls I didn’t date:
- I can’t eat unless your near by
- The pyramids were made by aliens to be portals to other worlds. They made them wrong so now we’re cursed with global warming.
- I have a thing for (insert my name here)’s
- The Bermuda Triangle is really where Atlantis is. The government doesn’t want us finding it so whenever we get too close they make us disappear.
- I love you because God wants me too. He wants us together.
- “What are we doing after work/school?” “We had plans?” “Oh, I just assumed…”
Stinky breath monologue.
I believe life begins at conception and contraception is against God’s will.
On a second date she was like, “Don’t worry soon you’ll learn to like this or that,” like RELAX.
Got outta there faster then Usain Bolt in 1840’s Mississippi.
“I have the complete Sex And The City box set.”
My ex broke up with me because he says I’m crazy. I’m really not though.
“I need about tree fiddy.”
Anything racist. Goes for anyone I encounter.
“Let me take a selfie!”
31. A material girl.
“Money is the most important thing in life.”
Talking about her ex all the time.
Look, we just met. I don’t talk about my ex girlfriends, why are you telling me all about your ex boyfriend? I don’t fucking care.
When a girl texts you that she misses you and you only went out one time…dude we barely even know each other at all.
“I don’t date short guys”
Complaints. Total turn off if she starts off the date with a complaint.
“Does this shirt make me look fat?”
Any signs that she’s a gold digger. Like asking how much you make. Always hinting you should buy her things. etc.
“Why are you hanging out with your friends, am I not enough!!!”
A lot of my friends are girls, so hearing someone I’m seeing tell me they don’t want me hanging out or talking to them. I don’t like dealing with overly jealous girls.
“I want to be a housewife.”
“I don’t understand the whole stigma against incest. I’m glad my brother and I lost our virginity to each other, because at least we know we love each other!”
Anything that acknowledges the fact that girls poop.
It DOES NOT HAPPEN.