Have you been single since you were a fetus? Did someone break your heart, which is made of burnt toast? Maybe a guy with Ryan Gosling vibes who could have intelligent conversations with you about Mad Men took your number because he wanted to take you out for steak but never texted you back.
2. George Clooney is never getting married.
You’re more annoying than any of my ex-boyfriends because you’re always there and you’re either too smothering or making sure I know exactly how Jack Dawson felt.
Girls are crazy, but it’s your fault.
Unfortunately in order to live we need to eat, and we need to eat because we have feelings. If living things like people, bears, and dinosaurs didn’t have feelings, we’d never need food.
“hey, i also use wikipedia! you’re hot”
Every woman has a favorite Mad Men (Man?).
5. You started thinking about the Red Wedding.