Thought Catalog

15 Things I Wish I Could Tell The Guy Who Broke My Heart

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Lola Versus
Lola Versus

1. You’re not just the ‘way you are.’ If you don’t like something about yourself, you can change it. I kinda wanted to punch you in the testicles every time you said that.  It’ll take some time and effort, but you truly can alter yourself if that’s what you want. If you want to be better, or more, or pursue something… pursue it! The only person holding you back is you and I never understood why you were always so dead set on never moving forward.

2. You’re too hard on yourself. You are always looking at others and trying to figure out what is wrong with you while simultaneously believing there is nothing you can do about it. Embrace who you are, the good and the bad, and grow from there. Find things to love about yourself, things you’re proud of, and don’t be ashamed of them.

3. I wish I could express to you how short life is. How many chances, people, experiences, moments you’ve missed out on because you’re so busy looking toward an uncertain future. I’ve sat on the sidelines with you, trying to pull you in, and watched you turn your face away from it all. I wish I could make you understand that we should cherish the people who care about us in our lives because it’s really all we have. I truly hope that someday you can learn to appreciate that.

4. You lived a happy, sheltered childhood and that’s wonderful. You had parents who could provide for you, who loved each other, with siblings you grew up beside and a life of comfort and ease. You got good grades; you were able to spend time in college figuring yourself out because money wasn’t an object for you. All of that is awesome. I just wish that you could understand that not everyone has been afforded those same luxuries, and that that doesn’t make them less or somehow unworthy. You are no better than they are based solely off the circumstances you were lucky enough to be born into. That sort of thing is earned, not given.

5.  Be passionate about something and don’t be ashamed to be passionate about it! Pick a favorite color or a dozen, just pick something! I’ve never met someone who didn’t have a favorite anything and I think there might be something fundamentally wrong there.  Just care enough about this world to love some of the stuff in it! Love things for no other reason than that they bring you joy and forget what everyone else thinks about it.

6. Forgive yourself for hurting me. I think we both know you fucked that up pretty well, that you strung me along and made things way worse than they had to be, and I know you feel terrible about it. But that’s gone, it’s in the past, and you can’t change it… all you can do is learn from it. Our mistakes only truly become mistakes if we don’t grow from them. I forgive you, so forgive yourself. No, that does not mean I want to date you… ever again.

7. In many ways you will always be my friend. Some bridges have been burned and some doors closed, but I will always care, I will always be here in some, small way. You were my best friend and I know I was yours, something like that doesn’t just go away, even if the romantic aspect of it is long gone.

8. Try something new for the love of sweet baby Jesus. Do something fun, spontaneous, that you normally wouldn’t do. And don’t go into it all shitty and reluctant, go into it with an open mind and the determination to learn something. There is so much outside the bubble you’ve put yourself in, so much you could experience and enjoy if you’d just let yourself.

9. Have some god damn confidence in yourself. Stand up for yourself and the people you care about once in awhile. Stop caring so much what everyone thinks about you. The people who truly care about you will be there either way. You can’t please the whole world and by trying so hard you’re not really pleasing anyone. Least of all yourself.

10. Don’t settle. Just don’t.  Don’t cheat yourself out of what you really want. If it wasn’t me, don’t feel bad about that, it’s just the way it is. But maybe you should take a harder look at why it wasn’t me so you know what you actually want out of someone. I sort of feel like you were with me for so long because you really had no idea what you wanted out of woman, and that was pretty unfair to the both of us. That last girl, the one who almost ruined your life, yeah, she wasn’t the solution to your problems. Actually that brings me too…

11. Have realistic expectations of women. They aren’t virginal unicorns present only for your attention and pleasure. You are not, by any means, a perfect guy so, pretending there was such a thing, why would you deserve the perfect woman? Women are people, not pristine ideals to be placed on a pedestal to remain patient and pure until you reach for them. They have all the same feelings, desires, insecurities and hopes that you do.  Any woman who says or behaves otherwise is selling you something and it isn’t reality, that’s for sure.

12. Put some freaking effort into your relationships. And I don’t mean just the romantic ones, but all the other ones too. Life is too fucking short to play mind games, to act aloof, and to be so damned self-centered all the time. Reach out to people! Make sure your friends and family know you care because you have no idea how long you or they might be here. Stop expecting everyone to do all the work and step up for once. Make the first move, take the first step and take some god damned chances in life. Sometimes it takes a wild leap of faith to truly accomplish anything. It’s like the saying goes; the best things in life are worth fighting for. So put up a fucking fight for yours! No one is going to do it for you.

13.  Get a job doing something you actually give a shit about, because we both know it isn’t the job you have now. You put a lot of time, effort, and thought into your degree, and now is the time to chase those things you truly want. The things you want aren’t just going to walk up to you in the street and offer you the life you’ve always dreamt of. You have to chase after that shit; you have to work your ass off. You’ll have to suffer and sacrifice, but all of that will make the final result that much more worthwhile, that much more fulfilling. So get to it.

14. Treat the next girl better than you treated me. Take responsibility for your actions and words. I know the world likes to say, ‘say what you want and if they get offended, that’s their fault.’ Yeah, sure, to a point, but I think that detracts from the intent and meaning our words can carry. That kind of attitude removes all the value from the things we say. I agree we shouldn’t give a general fuck about what the whole planet thinks of us, but I think it behooves each of us to probably care about how the people we care for interpret us.  After all, what’s the point of speaking at all otherwise? So yeah, be more attentive to how you affect the people you care for and own up to it. You matter, you are important, and that comes with a certain level of responsibility.

15. Also, I love video games as much as the next giant nerd but… go outside every once in awhile for Christ’s sake. Sunlight is fucking awesome and makes everything seem just a little bit better. TC mark

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