PLEASE stop leaving your blinds open.
I’m fat. I pretty much always have been. There have been maybe one or two times in my life that I’ve slimmed down, but it never lasts.
I would wish that I loved exercise as much as I love chili dogs.
“You don’t look like there’s anything wrong with you.”
Jon Snow: I know this amazing grotto down the road if you aren’t busy later…
I’m sorry I awkwardly pointed at your husband’s crotch and said “I like that.” I was referring to his old school Nintendo belt buckle.
Your wifi automatically connects at all the fast food places within a ten mile radius of your home and work.
To the person that says, “Oh! It isn’t scanning! That must mean it’s free!”
Every time someone tells that joke a cashier dies.