If you find yourself asking the question, “Am I in the friend zone?” then you probably are. While it’s notoriously hard to get out of this zone, it is possible to start dating the girl you really like.
The #1 reason why most women are content with staying friends with a man is because he took too long to make a move, or he never tried for a romantic dating relationship with her. Since she wants you to chase her, passively sitting there hoping that she’ll suddenly fall for you is a waste of time. Instead, do something about it!
To become your love interest’s desire it’s important that you take a good, hard look at your current relationship with her and make the following changes where necessary:
1. Break the “nice guy” or “best friend” stereotype.
Often times, the guys that find themselves in the friend zone are there because they’ve adopted the “nice guy,” or “best friend” role. Once this happens it can be tough to share your true feelings with your love interest, especially if you’re worried that it will make her feel pressured or ruin the friendship.
While it’s okay to consider possible outcomes, the problem with biting your tongue is that you’re putting her feelings above your own. To get out of the friend zone you must first find the confidence to let your crush know, verbally or through actions, that you’re interested in being more than just friends.
2. Give her some space.
As much as you may love being around her, the key to capturing her attention is by letting her feel the incompleteness when you’re not there.
In other words, stop hanging out with her or calling her.
The thought of winning your friend’s heart by being present doesn’t work. Why? Because it solidifies your friendship.
3. Don’t be her pretend boyfriend.
When men and women are close friends it can be hard to define the line between friendship and romance. No matter how tempted you may be to take on the role of her “pretend” or “temporary” boyfriend — don’t. Allowing her to treat you as her boyfriend when you’re not means that she gets the perks of being in a relationship with you, and the perks of being single.
For example, if you’re always taking her out to nice dinners and paying for all her drinks then she might think that she can have the cake and eat it too! The truth is there are people in this world that will take advantage of kind generosity. If your love interest is this type of person then she may be content with being your friend because she gets spoiled without having to commit.
To find out where you stand, back off for a while and see how she reacts.
4. Show her that other women want you.
Oftentimes people don’t realize what they want until they can’t have it. To get your crush interested in you, make yourself romantically unavailable. When she sees how well you treat your partner she may want you for herself.
Some men are skeptical with this idea but this really works. Showing your love interest that you are wanted can be done simply by going out with other women. The date itself doesn’t have to be anything serious, but you don’t want to tell your crush that. Instead, let her realize that you won’t sit around and wait for her, and when she sees other women swooping in, her competitive nature may kick in. Not to mention the law of pre-selection, which claims that women feel more attracted to you when they realize that you’re sought after by other women.
Simply put, when your crush sees that you’re desirable they make start rethinking your relationship. This is a big chance for you to get out of the friend zone and win her heart.
5. Don’t be needy.
A common reason why men end up in the friend zone is because they make it known how desperately they want a relationship. That’s a major turn off. Combine this knowledge with being overly emotional or touchy with your love interest, and it’s a recipe for permanent “friendzoning” (if she keeps you around at all that is).
Being needy, touchy or mushy with your crush is not a good idea if she sees you as friends. Not only will your behavior eventually annoy her, but it may also cause her to back off all together. Learn to relax and remember that showing your affection every time you see her can be overwhelming.
Instead, play the calm, cool and confident role and be the kind of man she’d like to date. To keep her fascinated, make sure that your life is full and exciting.
6. Be mysterious.
The major foundation of attraction is mystery. When a man is mysterious, it triggers a woman’s curiosity, which will make you a challenge to unveil. In turn, she’ll be forced to think about you, and she’ll want to know more about you and the things you do. She may even develop a certain kind of interest or fantasy towards you.
Add a sense of mystery to your personality and she’ll be dying to get you out of the friend zone.
7. Ask her to go on a date with you.
Another great way to get out of the friend zone is by asking her out on a date. If you do and she becomes hesitant, rephrase your proposal and ask her out on a non-date.
You could take a walk through the park or go for coffee — the kind of things you usually do as friends. Once you’ve spent some time together, either on a real date or non-date, you may be able to convince her to go out on a romantic date with you. Keep in mind that this may take some time, so don’t fret if she turns you down the first time you ask. The key to escaping the friend zone is letting her feel and notice your romantic feelings.
To avoid a bleak outcome, be brave enough to move things to the next level or and show her that you are attracted to her.
8. Touch her.
For many people, a big distinction between “friendship” and “relationship” is the way they touch. Since there are both platonic and romantic ways to touch someone, it’s important to note that the boundary is different for different people.
If you’re terrified of touching your crush the wrong way, to the extent that you hesitate and never touch her, then you may be sabotaging your chances. To get out of the friend zone it’s important that you make a move. Start by reaching for her hand or brushing arms when you pass by. Or you can try putting your hand on her shoulder, or cuddling close on the couch. If she doesn’t like it, she’ll let you know, but don’t wait for her to make the first move.
Remember, touching someone communicates that you find them attractive and that you’re confident enough to show them. Both of these things can make her feel more attracted to you, too!
This post originally appeared at YourTango.