I never thought this day would come where we’d be perfect strangers, where I could look you in the eye and not even recognize you anymore. But here we are. After all those long days and late nights where we poured our hearts out to each other I can’t even reach out to you for advice, or to tell you I miss you.
I always thought our friendship would last, that we could make it through anything because we’ve made it through so much already but apparently I was wrong. Apparently in your new life you don’t have room for me and it breaks my heart in ways I didn’t know was possible.
We always talk about heartbreak, about how painful it is to lose the person you love, but we seemingly always skip over friendship breakups because the pain isn’t supposed to be as deep. And maybe it isn’t, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t make it hurt less when someone you spent most days with and always talked to just decides they no longer have room for you in their life. It doesn’t make it hurt less when your friend chooses their significant other over you and decides they can’t balance both of you, or just doesn’t want to.
It doesn’t make it hurt less when you’ve been forgotten about.
When it comes to romantic relationships you don’t necessarily get to choose who you love. You’re attracted to people for a reason and sometimes you don’t understand it. You either feel a connection or you don’t, it’s simple once your heart takes over. But friends are different. In friendships you choose each other, you decide that you want to make it work. You decide this person meshes well with you and you like them enough to tell them all your secrets and ask them for the input in your life decisions. They become a big part of who you are.
Friendships are still relationships though – you still fight, you push each other, you give each other the reality checks you need and you keep working at them in the same way you’d work at any relationship.
But when your romantic relationships end you usually know why; you’re normally given some form of explanation to help you understand what’s going on, but that’s not necessarily the case in friendships. In friendships one person can just leave, can just stop calling you back and you’re just supposed to let go and move on. You’re not supposed to blow up their phone, talk about how much of a jerk they are or how much they hurt you. You’re just supposed to move on and it’s not fair.
It doesn’t make it any easier. It doesn’t make it hurt any less.
It hurts to know that they’re right there, that they’re still the same person you shared so many memories with but can no longer reach out to. It hurts to know that you really didn’t matter because they could just drop you so easily.
It’s a sad reality, but I guess that’s life.
People change, they grow, they turn into the person they swore they would never be and you change too, in your own ways.
Sometimes you grow apart from each other and as much as you wish you could save the relationship and go back to the way things used to be, you can’t. You’re not 17 anymore waking up in your parent’s basement at noon and you can’t get that back. You’re not 20 anymore sneaking into the bar underage and you can’t get that back. All you can do is cherish those memories for what they were worth and continue to move forward. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary.
Friends can break your heart too and it doesn’t make your heart break any less painful.