Read this when the day turns to night as the moon replaces the sun, as the light turns to dark and the voices telling you you’re not good enough come out to play.
It’s something about the darkness that makes you feel so alone. There is no longer the company of the sun shining on your skin to make you feel alive or the familiar voices of friends surrounding you.
At night there is only silence and the dark silence always breaks you, as much as you try to stop it.
You feel alone and you feel like you’re drowning in your own thoughts and sadness. You look at the clock, you stare at the phone watching each minute pass hoping you’ll fall asleep soon so you can wake up again when the sun is up.
There’s something about being alone at 3 AM that makes you feel like the whole world is against you. You think about every life choice you’ve made and how you could have done so much better. You think about all the regretful choices you made, if only you knew then what you know now how things would be so much different.
You feel so used to the pain, almost as it’s no longer sadness you feel in the darks of the night, but instead you feel numb. You feel nothing. The tears that you cry aren’t sobs anymore, they’re silent; they just stream down your face without a sigh, almost as it is a routine.
The emptiness you feel makes you exhausted, but you still can’t sleep. You feel nothing at the same time you feel everything and your mind just constantly wanders. You think of everything while feeling nothing, it a strange twist of emotions you can’t really explain.
It’s the time of night you convince yourself that no one likes you. You tell yourself no one would notice if you just packed up and left.
Your brain tells you that you’ll never find real love because you’re not worthy of it. You think about how much you hate yourself, you completely destroy everything you’ve been working on about self-love because the voices are so powerful at 3 AM when you’re trapped alone with your thoughts in the silence of the night.
You wish you had someone to talk to, you wish you had someone by your side, you wish anyone was by your side because then maybe you wouldn’t feel so alone. But there is no one there.
The negative thoughts continue to flood your brain and it kills you inside. You start thinking you did something to deserve this pain, you start worsening the self-inflicted pain because that’s really all it is. It’s you turning the knife in yourself a little deeper.
It’s hurting yourself a little more because maybe you find comfort in the pain, maybe you find comfort in the sadness you feel in the night.
But remember this, you’re not alone when it’s 3 AM and you’re feeling alone. You’re not the only one who is feeling this way. You’re not the only one who has experienced this hallow sadness you just can’t escape. You’re really not alone, no matter how much you feel it at 3 AM.
When the sun comes up and the familiar voices return you won’t feel so alone.
You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, you’re so much wiser than you think you are and you are brave. You may feel alone and lost, but you’re not. The world needs you, the people in your life need you and I promise you they would notice if you disappeared.
Everyone creates their own future and you are so much more than the voices in your head at 3 AM.
Don’t give up, don’t let the thoughts from the night cloud your mind during the day because things will get better, I almost guarantee it.