Even admitting you don’t like babies makes people look at you like you’re a monster. Especially if you’re a female because it should be your instinct to see a baby and instantly gawk at it, and want to love it. But that’s not me and that’s never who I have been.
I’ve never been one to stare and obsess over baby pictures. I don’t get happy butterflies when I see a baby. I don’t fight over holding the baby or spend hours taking pictures and videos of it doing things. I’ve just never been aboard the baby loving train.
And first and foremost I want to say this, I know I was a baby (duh), but that doesn’t mean I have to like them.
1. They’re boring. They don’t do anything other than pull your hair or smash things off the ground, they’re just weird to me and I don’t get the excitement.
2. You don’t want to hold anyone’s baby, like ever. They are so small and fragile it actually freaks you out and you don’t want to be responsible for the baby. What if you accidently drop it? Or it throws up on you? No thanks, don’t need the responsibility.
3. Everyone thinks you’re a monster for not obsessing over the fact they have a baby.
4. I’m going to be quite blunt here, but honestly I don’t actually care about seeing pictures of your child because I have no interest in your child.
5. Seeing a newborn baby on TV makes you cringe, they come out all nasty and ew, just ew.
6. Actually seeing someone in labor on TV makes you cringe, like that pain does not seem worth it.
7. You’re pretty sure the baby doesn’t like you either because it can sense you. Maybe that’s why they just stare at you the whole time because it knows it’s making you uncomfortable.
8. Babies are actually super creepy in general, like have you ever seen a scary movie? Yeah they always pick up on the ghosts and demons on the house and that really isn’t something I’m interested in.
9. I’m sorry, but your ultra sound is a blob, it doesn’t make me excited.
10. The idea of changing diapers makes you sick. Or getting peed on.
11. It’s always awkward when someone asks you how cute their baby is and you just kind of chuckle and smile because you don’t see the cuteness and don’t know what else to do.
12. If you want to see something cute, look at pictures of dogs. That is your idea of cute.
13. Their crying actually drives you insane, especially in public places where you can’t escape them.
14. And they cry over everything, how do you make it stop and why did it even start?
15. People get pissed if you refer to it as ‘it’ (sorry?) because sometimes you honestly can’t tell if it’s a boy or girl, and you don’t know what else to refer to it as.
16. When the people you’re with at lunch see a baby and they start talking in baby voices and waving at it you’ve never been more thankful that you don’t do that.
17. They all look the same, they really do.
18. You really aren’t excited when your friends get pregnant because you know shits going to be different and there will be no more going out and having fun.
19. You really aren’t excited when anyone tells you their pregnant actually because you just think about everything that is now going to suck about their life now.
20. The way they eat grosses you out.
21. The extreme awkwardness you feel when babies just stare at you, like what are you looking at? Please stop baby, you’re making me feel uncomfortable.
22. When you see parents spoil their babies and you’re like, ‘oh shit, here comes another bratty kid.’
23. Also how is your baby super smart? It can’t even walk or talk or do anything that would make you realize your baby is a genius. Give is a rest.
24. When people ask you if you want kids of your own and you just stand there blankly and say, ‘uhhhhhh’ and run away. Forever.
25. You’ll never understand why people try so hard to convince you to like babies, no matter how many times they tell you to look and tell you it’s so cute, it’s not going to make you suddenly like babies.
26. You’ve become really good at faking that you think babies are cute, ‘awwwww’ works every time.
27. You think about how little sleep parents of babies get and all you think about is how bad you feel for them.
28. You’re extremely awkward around babies, like so uncomfortably awkward because like what do you do with your hands? Do you stare at it? Do you look at it and smile?
29. Sitting near a baby on an airplane is your most dreaded nightmare.
30. When people tell you they meant to get pregnant you often find yourself wanting to respond with, ‘WHY?!’
31. When people talk about their baby to you in a baby voice you probably make a disgusted face without even realizing because you just don’t get it.
32. Lastly, please stop only talking about your baby, not everyone is interested or cares.