Loving you was being on the verge of crying in public and forcing myself to suppress the tears because I didn’t want the world to think I was crazy. I didn’t want the world to know I was hurt and weak. I didn’t want the world to assume anything about me. The truth was, I was just confused because I never thought love would be as painful as it had turned out to be.
Being with you had its moments. Extreme highs followed by low lows. Nothing in between. Only mixtures of hard laughs and earth-shattering sobs.
Right when I started to question if loving you was worth it, you would go out of your way to make me extremely happy and that’s why I stayed around for so long. Looking back, all I see are memories I wish would disappear forever, escape my mind so I could live the rest of my life never knowing what it was to be that hurt.
Loving you destroyed me and even thinking about it makes me want to scream because I had invested my entire being to loving you and treating you the way I wished you would treat me in return. I feel naive for even thinking you could ever have the ability to love me the way I deserved.
You were a lesson I needed to learn. I needed to know that a nice smile and great laugh doesn’t make someone right for me. I needed to know that someone who wants my love will go out their way to show me that they’re worth it all.
You were never good enough for me and I realize that now. I see it in my regrets and the memories of you I dread. I have faith that I will recognize neglect and emotional abuse if I ever see it again. I hate you for hurting me, but I’m glad I learned something important from it all.