An Open Letter To People Who Ghost

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Dear Ghost,

You know who you are.

You’re confusing, tricky and don’t know what you want. You say things you don’t truly mean, and sending signs of false hope is second nature to you.

It’s apparent that the person you’re seeing is reaching out, the same way they always have, and you decide you’re just done. You read the texts only to close it out and open Instagram and continue strolling away. Or you open that dating app and start swiping without even skipping a beat.

Your reckless disregard for that person comes at no pain to you, because you decide that person isn’t worthy enough for a simple explanation.

Ghosting has become rampant in the modern dating scene and somehow just because it’s more common, people think it’s an acceptable way to end things, when in actuality, it’s just a very cowardly exit.

I’m guilty of ghosting in the past. I just wasn’t feeling the relationship anymore and I decided we weren’t official and it was kind of casual, so I mean, I didn’t think it would be that bad. I decided not responding would send a strong enough hint and he’d eventually get the point. It was the easiest way out and I had no obligation to the other human. I somehow forgot he had feelings, or let myself believe my ego needed to be preserved first and foremost.

But then I got ghosted, and karma really bit me in the ass because I was genuinely hurt. The anxiousness of constantly staring at my phone waiting for a response drove me insane. My mind was distracted with the incessant replay of our most recent interactions, dissecting every detail trying to figure out where things started to go downhill. And of course, the harsh realization of what was happening and the ugly feeling of rejection sank in.

I think the most difficult part of ghosting is that there is no closure.

It’s like those movies that are left open-ended and you leave the theater feeling confused and forcing yourself to make your own conclusion, but never knowing if you were right (*cough* Inception).

Except ghosting obviously weighs so much more heavily on your mind and heart. It forces you to think that what you had with that person was essentially a sad tale of disillusionment, anchored by unrealistic expectations and false hopes in conjunction with a solid performance from you, Ghost.

I guess the lesson learned here is the timeless classic of treat others as you would have them to do to you. I’ve recovered just fine from being ghosted, a little bitter, but stronger, overall. And I’m fairly confident that everyone who gets ghosted moves on eventually.

But the real point is that ghosting is just so silly. It’s uncomfortable to reject someone, but it’s necessary. Respect whatever relationship you had and own up to your feelings. I’ll even go so far and give you the benefit of the doubt that you think you’re saving the other person some hurt… but in actuality, you’re causing a lot more.

We all deserve the truth, even when it’s not what we want to hear. So Ghost, let’s stop this epidemic and just send that “I’m just not that into you, I’m sorry” text. It may be awkward and feel a little mean, but it’ll go a long way, trust me. And if you don’t agree with me, I only hope Karma gets you like she got me. TC mark

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