1. He has lunchbox food tastes.
He hides from anchovies which he calls “worms.” He downs his veggies before his meat, because he likes to save “The good bits for last.” You’ve debated the benefits of raw fish for months, and finally, you drag him to a sushi train. He proceeds to stuff his face with fried chicken rolls and grins proudly “See? I’m eating Sushi? Happy now?”
2. He doesn’t see the point of recycling.
This red flags a host of issues, above all: laziness and stupidity. He will even argue that it is a conspiracy theory. “Oh, like putting my six pack of bottles in the yellow bin is going to make THAT much of a difference!” and then he calls you a hippie and storms out.
3. He doesn’t see the point of making his bed.
In this situation, it’s good to remind yourself that he has been having this exact same argument with his mum, since he was seven years old. He’s not going to budge. As his mother has pointed out countless times before, he could have made it in the time it took to duke it out.
4. He doesn’t see the point of ironing.
Unless he is a Fancy Pants who frequents the dry cleaners, he really needs to have some sort of laundry system in place, of which his mother is not the core. Your shirt looking like it’s been ambushed by an Origami club is not an option.
5. He keeps men’s magazines in the bathroom.
Yo, Perpetual Frat Boy, you just plain nasty.
6. The last t-shirt he acquired came from a bulk stationary order.
He’ll wear anything he receives from his auntie for Christmas, and it will have to disintegrate before it sees the bin, because shopping ain’t his thing. He’s very defensive about his nacho-stained Tropic Thunder t-shirt as you explain: there’s having no interest in fashion and then there’s being a grot.
7. A new video game has been released and you don’t hear from him for a week.
He returns on your doorstep a week later covered Dorito dust and in need of a Vitamin D injection. As you point him to the shower, you make it clear you’re pissed. He says that you’re being unfair because he supports you in everything you want to do, like your Masters Degree.
8. He wears t-shirts featuring strippers.
He doesn’t understand that wearable porn is a little crass. He also talks about Jessica Alba for an inordinate amount of time. Ever since she wore those chaps in Sin City, she’s been his girl. He decided that at age sixteen, almost a decade ago.
9. He pouts “But I won’t know anyone!” when you take him somewhere new.
Do you really have to babysit a grown man? Do you really want him there in his backwards cap? Thought not.