Being single is great for independence but there are times when you feel lonely. Maybe when you are at the place where you met, maybe when ‘your’ song plays on the radio, or maybe you see someone wearing the same shirt as him and you wonder,
“Would it really be so bad to reach out?”
Yes, it would be.
Time has passed, things have changed, both of you have matured (maybe). After time has gone by and the wounds have healed a little it is easy to forget why you broke up in the first place and it may seem like another shot will fix it.
You might forget that he hated your best friend or he hated your passion in life. It’s so easy to send a little text but before you do that try to be rational.
If you are questioning why you broke up, here is what you need to remember.
1. You broke up for a reason.
You got together, you tried, it didn’t work, and it ended. It’s easy to think of all the good and forget the bad when people consider getting back together with the ex because of history. Remind yourself that it did not work out for a reason and unless the reason is no longer an issue, it will go back to being the same relationship with the same ending.
2. You both probably have some resentment towards each other.
It’s extremely rare to have a breakup where both parties are happy to let the other person move on without any bad feelings, if it even exists. A tiny part of you will hold some resentment towards them for what happened and why it ended and vice versa. Getting back together doesn’t get rid of that resentment because it’s still there. You will feel the resentment more if you get back together.
3. There is no complete trust after you have lost it once.
Whatever the reason was—it could be that you were not compatible, you wanted different things in life or one of your cheated. The important thing is that one or both of you did not stick to the whole idea of compromising and being there for each other when faced with a challenge. If you could have overcome the obstacle you wouldn’t have broken up. One or both of you made less effort to make it work the first time, so how can you trust someone who has already let you down once already? It is extremely hard to trust someone who has given up fighting for the relationship.
4. Missing someone is not the same as wanting to get back together.
It’s very easy to romanticize the good and forget the bad. If the issues were not resolved the first time, they will arise again. You are missing the person and the moments but not the relationship and the fights. Just because you miss someone does not mean you want to get back together, you need to give yourself time to heal.
5. You will end up where you started but after wasting more time.
How often have we seen people get back together with the ex and end up in the same spot again? Some people get back together and do make it work, but it is rare. Unless there has been a significant change in the people involved and the circumstances, the relationship will come to the same point where you broke up, and this time with more weeks and months down the line. You don’t want to be stuck in an on-again-off-again relationship for years.
6. Holding onto memories of the past will prevent you from truly moving on and there are so many people who are better for you.
You can never truly be ready for a new relationship until you have said goodbye to your last one. You need to grow. Honestly, it is not fair to the next person that you start a new relationship while holding on to your ex. Your ex did not work out. Now you have a chance to meet someone and make it work because you’ll remember what went wrong with your last relationship so you don’t repeat the same mistakes again.
It takes time but your heart has to realize what you already know. If someone has broken you in the past, bringing that person back into your life will only hurt you more. Make peace with your ex by leaving them in your past and not taking them with you to your future. An end of a relationship is a chance to begin a new one where you can be with someone who will match your fundamental beliefs and values, and someone who will not give up on you the same way your ex did.