By Letting You Go, I Have Found The Courage To Begin Again

By Letting You Go, I Have Found The Courage To Begin Again

I admit that some nights, when I sit in the corner of my bed, I attempt to revisit the world that we created, the life that we shared, and the moments that we made. I play different scenarios in my mind, and I wonder if in another universe or in another lifetime, we would still be together. I try to picture myself staring at you from a distance, with a tight smile fixated on my lips. I imagine myself feeling lighthearted by just having you around me all the time.

I close my eyes and try to remember the sound of your voice, and the way you called my name. I dig deep down in my memory and search for the details of your face. I allow myself to recall how it used to make my adrenaline go wild, and how you used to make me feel lucky that I was alive.

But as I open my eyes and be greeted by the silence that surrounds me, I am reminded that you’re no longer mine. I have no right to call you as my own. Because now you are with someone else. Now you are leading a life far different from mine.

And I wish it would only takes few days or few weeks for me to completely detach myself from you, from your influence. I wish that I could simply declare to myself that I’m over you, and my heart would be ready to take a risk again. But it’s not that easy.

I can’t just erase you from my memory. I can’t delete your number, your pictures, your connection from my stubborn heart. And I’m not sure if I want remove you from my life at all.

Because you were once important to me. My world used to revolve around you. I clung to you as my only source of happiness. I looked up at you when I badly needed an inspiration. I loved you the same way that I love the things that are important to me.

But now that you’re gone. Now that I’m certain you’re not coming back to me, I have to slowly pull myself away from you, away from the thought of you. I have to be brave enough to accept that there’s no more us, no more you and me, no more happy endings. I need to give up the temptation of calling you in the middle of the night, during the surge of my loneliness.

I owe it to myself to have a fresh start, and move on.

There is no point in dragging myself backwards and living in the past. I need to begin looking for ways to be happy, even without a significant other. I need to begin falling in love with my life.

I want to watch the sunset without feeling like something is missing in my heart. I want to feel comfortable every time I spend my time alone. And I like to be able to roam around the world with no insecurity about the things that I don’t have.

Letting you go takes a lot of patience and endurance, but I know that it’s the right thing to do.

I don’t want to waste my prime years wishing I could bring back the time. I have to find the courage to believe that life will give me better memories, and better experiences.

I have to learn how to be okay with endings, how to smile as a chapter of my life closes, and how to let people go.

Because if I want to live a life with no baggage, I have to set you free. If I don’t want to let my failures in the past affect my present, I have to stop looking back. I have to be focused, and be thankful, for the things that I have in my life right now.

I need to commit myself into believing that you’re not meant to stay in my life. And try to be okay with it. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Angelo Caerlang is the author of Sparks in Broken Lights.

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