My first boyfriend never went down on me. Although he was totally fine with me going down on him, which I did begrudgingly, I never got any oral in return.
It was then, at the age of 18, that I decided my vagina was a dirty, weird smelling place.
If my friends’ boyfriends loved giving them cunnilingus, then clearly something was straight up wrong with my vagina. It was an icky feeling to have, thinking that my vagina was somehow a big ol’ mess.
When I got to college and started hooking up with more guys — guys who actually loved giving head — I still remained anti-oral. Having already decided my vagina was a place where no tongue or mouth should go, I talked my way out of it as much as possible.
In cases where the guys I was dating all but begged to go down on me, I’d cave and let them, but I never enjoyed it.
It felt wet and sloppy, as if the guy had zero clue as to what he was doing (many of them didn’t). And combining that sensation with my insecurities, it just became something that wasn’t my scene.
But still, because I was too young to realize that some women (and men) just don’t like getting head, I’d give in when my partners seemed to really be interested in it. I didn’t want to seem like a freak, so I’d shut my eyes and either count until it was over or make a grocery list of things I needed to get at the store in my head.
It’s been a little over a decade since college and I still do the same thing.
You see, I hate getting oral sex. Although I can say it loud and proud now, I realize it still evokes a “WTF” from some people.
People assume I’ve never had good oral (I have; I did date a guy with a small penis and that’s all he could offer), while others suggest that maybe I have too many insecurities, which now, as a woman who writes about sex for a living, I definitely don’t.
I know that all vaginas smell, some more potently than others. I realize that certain foods and specific times during our menstrual cycle also play a role in how our vagina might smell and/or taste to our partner. I get it.
I’ve read it all, written about it 100 times over, and am the first person to advocate that all women love their bodies, most especially their vaginas, because they get a bad rap and I’m all for promoting lots (and lots!) of vagina love.
At this point in my life, my insecurities about my vagina — especially after having been in long-term serious relationships where I could openly discuss my vagina with my partner — are long gone.
Sure, I have days where I don’t feel so fresh — and even if I loved getting oral would pass on it — but that’s what swamp ass in mid-July makes a woman think, so whatever.
Simply, despite letting my husband do it a handful of times out of love (because sex is a give and take!), I just don’t like it. But the thing is, I’m not alone. I know a lot of women who don’t like receiving oral sex.
From insecurities about their vagina to body issues to just a simple lack of interest, some women just don’t want their partner, whether they’re male or female, face-to-face with that part of their body. It takes different things to get people off, and frankly some of us ladies just don’t put having our lady bits licked and nibbled that high on our list.
I’d rather do almost anything else on the sexual spectrum (within reason), than have some guy, any guy, go down on me. And guess what? That’s OK. I’m not under any obligation to enjoy it, no matter who’s giving it to me.
So whether you love it, hate it, or are somewhere in middle, embrace that and don’t feel like you need to make apologies or justify it to anyone. It’s not like you’re going to throw the whole universe into a panic just because you hate getting oral, so don’t let yourself feel bad about it.