She is captivating at first. Maybe it was the way she fell into your arms at that concert two weekends ago, the smell of alcohol emitting from her breath as you caught her on the way down. Or the way she pulled you in by your shirt, delicately mouthing the words follow me as she led you into the dance floor — the bodies around you fading into blackness while you held her close so that she wouldn’t fall.
Maybe it was her impulsivity coupled with her enigmatic nature. A perfect stranger in the midst of a sweaty, heaving crowd. A subtle cry for help dressed in ravenous spontaneity. Fluctuating and always disappearing. Treacherous and warm, like a fire that you just can’t stop staring into.
She is distant for a while, unable to tell you about herself. She would rather you think she is a mystery rather than showing you who she really is. You will play the guessing game with her and always lose. You will be enveloped in the chase until it becomes too exhausting to continue trying.
And then, slowly, she will reveal her deepest, darkest selves to you and you will be adamant on receiving more. She will open up about her past and her desires and her mouth will become a running faucet that she won’t know how to turn off. She will not look at you as she speaks, fearing that the more she shares with you the more intoxicating you will become to her. She will stop in the middle of her sentences and you will watch her drift away as she wonders just how long you will be there listening.
As soon as you think her innocence is endearing, she will show you a whole new side to her. You will fall in love with the secrecy. You will fall in love with the volatility. You will fall in love with the ambiguous darkness that flits in and out of conversation whenever you are together, and you won’t want to go back to whatever you were before this.
As time grows, she will find herself getting attached. Suddenly, it will feel like the world cannot exist without you. She will be skeptical about your intentions no matter how many times you reassure her. She will be flooded with emotions that she hasn’t quite learned how to handle. Her flame will get stronger and stronger and eventually it will engulf you whole.
If you date the girl who feels intensely, you will never know what to expect from her. One day she will be cold and inaccessible, and the next she will be so overwhelmed by your affection that she will ask you to leave and then beg you to return. She will begin to feel abandoned and will hate herself for who she is becoming.
She will crave your presence so much that she will sabotage everything you have built together — then disappear.