Hey babe, are you my parents' concept of The American Dream? Because damn I think you’re unattainable.

— hipstermermaid (@hipstermermaid) May 31, 2014

My mom defiantly parks in these spaces citing the 35+ years I haven't lived up to her expectations. pic.twitter.com/wEW3ahG4qj

— greg (@GrowlyGrego) June 10, 2014

Accidentally texted my dad "have a hood day" and he shot three people

— Dan Duvall (@DanDuvallComedy) March 30, 2014

I was trying to think of the wisest thing my dad ever said to me but his words that echo through my head the most are "Sounds like a scam."

— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) June 15, 2014

Anything can be a sport if your dad yells at you enough

— Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) January 21, 2013

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