Long distance relationships are far from a straight line. You agree to do the distance and start packing your bags to see each other. The first few months are filled with excitement. You learn something new about their new life during each visit. It’s like going on a first date with him over and over again. But then one day the small excitements catch up to you and your love for him becomes a big blur. It’s starting to feel a lot like the carb free diet you agreed to go on. 1 week in and you realize what you truly had to give up.
LDRs are not for everyone, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of not “lasting” through it. Knowing when it’s time to let go of a relationship that’s not working only frees your soul to find a better partner. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, are you really in a relationship or suffering through the relationship?
1. You’re chasing him and you feel exhausted.
Trying to get a hold of him is becoming a lot like contacting a customer rep from a 1-800 number. You dial over and over again hoping to hear a mere hello on the other end. He doesn’t give you the time of day you deserve and it takes 10 rings to go through until he finally picks up. Although you’re doing long distance, it shouldn’t be so difficult to get a hold of someone who deeply cares about you. This is a red flag that he may not be as invested in this relationship as much as you are.
2. The lack of communication gives you anxiety.
Dating him is all fun and games until you express your longing of ending the distance between you and him. All of a sudden he gets super defensive and frustrated. He can’t seem to provide a firm response on how you two can get closer to one another. You toss and turn with this uncertainty every night, wondering if you bet wrong on this relationship. You may be ready to make such commitments, but he still wants to keep it casual. Unless you can come to peace with being on different pages, it’s time to respect your sanity and move on.
3. Your conversations lack intimacy and connection.
What used to sound like 50 Shades of Grey dialogue now sounds like a conversation between Sheldon & Amy from Big Bang Theory (love them by the way). As the days go by, your conversations are feeling more and more forced and robotic. He has recited his daily routine to you so many times that you’ve memorized it, and he can fill in the blanks on your days. No colorful or juicy conversations are happening that leave you dreaming of him.
4. You’re falling behind in your personal goals trying to maintain this.
Every time you’re done chatting on the phone, you beat yourself up for getting distracted and falling behind on your personal goals. There goes another skipped gym day, an application date missed, an important email left unanswered. When you try and schedule calls with him around your priorities, he doesn’t respect these boundaries. Don’t feel guilty for chasing your dreams and hustling to be the best version of you. If you two cannot figure out a way to communicate without your goals getting pushed aside, it’s time to say goodbye.
5. You see this relationship as emotional baggage.
Not a single call goes by without a full-blown argument about something trivial. Why you never facetime him, who calls who first, how many rings it takes for him to pick up the phone, the list goes on. You know on the inside this analysis paralysis is only happening because you haven’t seen each other in weeks, but this emotional drama is taking its toll. Your chest feels light when you avoid his calls and after all the heartbreak, you know you’d actually feel relieved if you let him go.
6. He’s not the person you fell in love with.
Lately, you’ve been butting heads on beliefs and values you used to agree on. What used to be funny to both is now only funny to one. Your idea of having fun is evening yoga with a home cooked meal while he still likes going out for beers and karaoke. You’ve tried countless times to bring that umph back but it’s like texting on a cracked iPhone screen. It’s just not the same.
Long distance relationships are a challenge, but they are not meant to make your life a living hell. It’s an art that is practiced, cherished, and appreciated. If it’s not your cup of tea, let it go. You deserve the best.