I find your lips more than anything, but perhaps that is because I am still lost in your kiss, lost in the chaos it caused, recoding or, rather, decoding me.
That’s not me standing right beside him. That’s not me, and it’s not supposed to be. Not now. Not anymore.
While I still have my regrets, I am also very thankful. I am grateful he was finally able to walk away and leave me behind.
I hope that one day someone will ask you if you have any regrets and my name is the first thing that pops into your mind.
But he knew I was a writer,
And he knew I would take this mangled heart,
and jumbled thoughts,
And keep writing.
Don’t let your sorrow show in your love handles and double chins—only feel bad for yourself for a limited amount of time.
I am no longer the insecure and broken little girl who fell in love with someone who didn’t respect me. I am stronger, wiser, and more confident about what I have to offer the world. I know better than to settle for mediocrity in relationships, and I refuse to let the fire burning brightly within me fizzle out at the hands of someone else.
I was done wasting my own time and breaking my own heart. I was done apologizing for having feelings and standards for how to be treated. I was done sabotaging myself and dragging him down with me.
You’re always there, in my dreams, in my head and in my heart. I still remember how it feels – you holding my arms tightly; your hands were so warm and soft.
So yes. I was selfish. But I was selfless too.