May 17, 2016

Don’t Try To Find ‘The One,’ Find This Instead

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What is the issue?
Joel Sossa
Joel Sossa

I’m sorry, but I don’t believe there’s only one person in the world for each and every one of us. It doesn’t seem right to me that only one person can make us happy for the rest of our lives. I don’t want to spend time chasing the “one” and searching the globe for that one person who meets all of my criteria. And I don’t want to believe love is just up to chance, because that almost seems to overly simplify it. There are, of course, factors that fit into love that rely on chance: chemistry, timing, etc. But I don’t think that the be all and end all of your dating search and you might never meet because he or she lives in some remote corner of Australia and your paths just haven’t crossed yet.

I don’t think I’ll ever really believe in fairy tale love. I think Cinderella had it wrong. I don’t want to believe that you won’t find love until you find the prince who has the glass slipper you lost on the steps of the palace.

In fact, I don’t think we all have one Mr. or Mrs. Right. I don’t believe in eyes locking across a crowded room and a rush of adrenaline that somehow signifies that you’ve found your person.

Instead, I believe that there are any number of people out there that you could be happy with. And I don’t think that’s unromantic. It isn’t about finding the one perfect person, it’s about finding someone that you feel amazing with, and choosing to be with that person because they make you want to try. And no, that will never be a concept that sells Disney movies, but that doesn’t make it less true.

You can believe in soul mates, but isn’t it fair to say you might not just have one?

You’re allowed to find love more than once, and that can only mean you’re allowed to have multiple soul mates. Finding the right person at the wrong time is a perfect example of why there is more than one perfect person for you. It doesn’t mean that an old love wasn’t the “one” at some point in your life, but your choices (and their choices) led you in another direction. So instead, you’d find a different “one” for yourself.

The “one” isn’t waiting for you with the glass slipper that fits you perfectly. The one is someone you choose, because you know when you’re with them, that’s exactly where you want to be. The “one” is someone you’d be willing to choose, even when it gets hard, and even when it requires sacrifices, because choice, whether we like it or not, inevitably requires some sacrifice.

If you want to believe in fate, believe it. But instead of believing that fate will lead you to your One True Love, the one who make your life begin or what have you, believe that there is someone who will love you enough to want to choose you as their “one,” just like you want to choose them.

You can believe in love, and believe in romance, and also free yourself from the confines of this search for one perfect human being that will erase all of the former loves of your life. Your person doesn’t have to wash away the people you loved before them. They just have to be the person you love right now, and want to keep showing your love for.

Don’t chase “perfect on paper.” Don’t chase “oh but we’re meant to be.” Don’t chase “the one” you wrote a letter to as a teenager. Chase real love, and maybe you’ll find your “one” when you find someone who makes you want to keep them around, even when reality and everything else gets in the way. TC mark

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