Thought Catalog
April 12, 2017

For Every Strong, Sensitive Woman Afraid To Love Again

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What is the issue?
God & Man

You want to fall in love again. You want to open, to trust, to let someone in. But you’re holding back. You’re keeping people at arm’s length. You’re pushing away anything that closely resembles affection because you don’t want to take the risk. You’ve shied away from relationships, from connections, from anything deep or true because you’re scared. You don’t want to be hurt again.

You gave your heart away a time or two before, and you ended up with nothing. So now you’re on guard. You keep telling yourself you’re stronger than that. You keep telling yourself that you must protect your soft, big, beautiful heart. So you do whatever you can to not venture down that road again.

But what you don’t realize, is that in keeping yourself from any type of connection with another person, you’re only hurting and isolating yourself. You’re really keeping yourself guarded and bitter and alone.

You hide your fears under the guise of protection, under the facade you think you must present to the world that you’re a strong, powerful woman who doesn’t need love. But it’s okay to need people, you know.

It’s okay to want people, to want love, to break down your walls just a little, and let someone in.

And women are strong by nature; you don’t need to prove yourself by pushing other people away. Limiting your human connection doesn’t make you strong, sweet girl, it only makes you lonely.

You don’t need to be afraid of love.

The thing is, no two people are exactly alike. Which means that no relationship will be the same, and no one will treat you the way your last partner did. Whether you were hurt or broken by time or circumstance, by the actions of another person, by accident or on purpose, your story won’t keep rewriting the same painful ending. Not everyone you meet will be poised to destroy you; not every love you encounter will leave you heartbroken.

No, not every relationship will be perfect and painless, but you can’t be afraid of the possibility. You can’t be afraid of what could potentially be one of the most powerful connections in your life.

So please cast your worries aside. Stop running from love and anything that resembles it. Quit keeping yourself closed off from people and connections and commitment that knock at your door. Yes, heal yourself and find your inner strength again. Yes, try your best to forgive not only the one who hurt you, but yourself too. Yes, give yourself time and space to reunite with your spirit.

But then don’t be afraid to reach out to others again.
You weren’t meant to do this alone.

I know you’re hesitant. I know that your trust was broken and you’re wondering why you should give anyone a chance. I know you’ve got it stuck in your head that people are dishonest and selfish, and I can’t argue with that because we’ve all encountered it at one point. But not every single person, not every single relationship is the same.

I know you’re standing there, wondering why the hell you should try this again. But even in all the crappy parts of love, even in all the pain and brokenness, you must still believe love is real. Because it is, it really is.

Your strong, sensitive soul is worthy of love. And worthy of the right person, the right time, the right situation that will bring you happiness, rather than hurt.

Just because you’ve faced pain doesn’t mean that is all you will see from this point forward. You have to let go of the past and let yourself try again. You have to believe in the possibility of love, and not be so frightened by it. You gave to take baby steps forward, slowly peeling back your layers. You have to open yourself, rather than hide.

Because love is waiting for you, once you decide to reach for it. TC mark

Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book, Somewhere on a Highway, available here.