Thought Catalog
April 7, 2016

Read This If You’re A Woman Who Likes To ‘Fix People’

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Jeff Isy
Jeff Isy

You are a beautiful person, a special breed.
Someone with a heart that’s so strong, so sweet, so silly.

Everyone will tell you to stop being how you are—this is the way of the world, to tell us how to be—but you keep on falling for people that are projects, keep giving so much more of yourself than you should.

This is wrong, you know, to try to solve everyone’s problems, to try to love people who aren’t yet whole. But you can’t help it. You want to be the solution, the soul that makes a difference. And you are. Often at your own expense.

You are the person that gives, so willingly. That dives headfirst into people who cannot give the same in return. That sacrifices her own heart, her own happiness, to see a smile stretch across a broken face.

You fill cracks, you mend fractures, you fit yourself into all the empty spaces. And when you fall short, you blame yourself. It’s a cycle, really. A cycle that leaves you the emptiest of all.

It’s nearly impossible to love someone that’s broken. They don’t yet know the power of their heart. They don’t believe that they can be healed, that the world is still beautiful, that love is still real.

But you show them.

You wait patiently as their hearts soften, then toughen again, in a healthy way. You forgive as they push you away, as they hurt you, as they break your heart in the process of rebuilding theirs.

You are a beautiful person, you know.

You are a fixer. Not because the world needs to be fixed, but because you believe in love, so much so, that you’ll do anything in the name of it. And that’s powerful.

You are not weak because you try to solve what you can’t. Foolish, maybe. But incredibly strong. But that’s the thing about being a strong woman. You think you’re strong enough to handle the darkest of places.

You are a fixer. Which means you throw yourself into relationships that aren’t good for you, and men that will most likely shatter you into thousands of tiny pieces. Yet you still go forward, unafraid.

This might not be the way of the world, to be a fixer, to appreciate a fixer. It’s unhealthy, really, to love people that aren’t good for you, to try to mend what can only be mended by that person. But you try because it’s inherent within you to care.

And you don’t need to apologize for that.

Please, be smarter. Please, be careful. Don’t settle for men who don’t deserve you or relationships that break you. Don’t fall in love with people who depend on you for everything, who cannot heal themselves.

Yes, you are a fixer, but that doesn’t mean you need to fix everything. You can help, you can guide, but then you need to move out of the fire and let people save themselves.

Because you can’t save people. No matter how much love you give.

Please, stay the way you are. Stay honest, stay forgiving, stay open. It is beautiful to be you—the woman who loves others more than anything else. In this dark world, we need that. But not at the cost of your own heart, own body, own happiness.

Love the world, but love yourself first.

Please, stay a fixer. Stay a doer. Stay a woman who loves and tries to love even the most broken of people. Just don’t allow yourself to be destroyed in the process. Know what you deserve, and never let yourself accept less than that.

Because the right man for you won’t need to be fixed. He will love that full heart of yours; he will treasure you for the woman you are. And as much love as you give, he will give right back to you, and more. TC mark

Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book, Somewhere on a Highway, available here.

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