Thought Catalog
April 14, 2017

100 People Confess The Weird, Kinky Things That Make Them Horny (But Shouldn’t)

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Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Found on AskReddit.

1. Aliens abducting me and filling my intestines with eggs that’ll kill me when they hatch.

“Aliens abducting me and filling my intestines with eggs that’ll kill me when they hatch. ;)”
gooddddddddd


2. Deaf girls with hula hoops.

“Deaf girls, for sure. If they have a hula hoop, all the better.”
cosgyp


3. Big hairy asses on big hairy men.

“Big hairy asses on big hairy men.”
FuzzyCub20


4. Funerals.

“Funerals. Growing up my pastor dad would often speak at funerals. I hung out a lot at the church during my teen years when things were weird and awkward. I guess it affected me because I still get a boner when I’m at a funeral. I call it my mourning wood .”
drawkward-


5. Being pinned against a wall.

This is probably a given, but one time my I was arguing with my friend; he cornered me, leaning his hands against the wall, beside each side of my head (does that even make sense). Needless to say, I wasn’t mad anymore.
It wasn’t a rapey situation. Nobody was aggressive or anything (it was just really fucking hot and I had a crush on him at the time). But it didn’t escalate btw, we were in the fucking school library.”

d0ge11


6. Being bossed around.

My boyfriend became a coworker became the manager and therefore my boss. Ergo: his ‘business tone’ in the emails he sends out with the schedule. Can’t help it.”
ashieketchum


7. I like to watch girls shit in their underwear.

“I like to watch girls shit in their underwear. Or like yoga or sleep pants.

Yes I understand that this is very abnormal, gross, etc. but it just turns me on. Ever since I was around 5 the thought of girls doing that has been exciting to me, and the older I got excitement turned into arousal. As you could guess, I’m very careful with my browser history.”

PraiseTheChode


8. Girls crying.

“Girls crying. It really confuses the fuck out of me while I’m dumping someone.” >
Lithium_12


9. When someone licks blood off your cut.

“Biting, nails digging in my back, when someone licks blood off your cut. I had an interesting girlfriend at one point who brought all of that out of me. She liked when I bit her shoulder jokingly one time while we were hiking and whispered real soft and quiet ‘harder…’ Diamonds instantly. Never knew that about myself until that very second. I had her naked on the ground within 3 minutes.”
suitology


10. Having any dental work done.

“Having any dental work done.

I get horny at the thought of someone causing pain to my teeth.

I love when they touch me teeth and they make them hurt.

Yea. I know I’m fucked up.”

catteallinna


11. The smell of automotive grease.

“The smell of automotive grease…goes back to the days of my 1st lover…”
abovetheabyss24


12. When Bugs Bunny would put on a dress and play a girl bunny.

“When Bugs Bunny would put on a dress and play a girl bunny.”
joutloud


13. Girls who have a lisp.

“Girls who have a lisp effectively transform my dick into a catapult.”
beast_nuts


14. The sound of heels.

“The sound of heels. Sometimes when I would jack off, my mom would get home, and the sounds of her heels on the floor were almost always something I heard right before or while I was cumming. So whenever I hear heels now, insta-boner.”
PM_ME_UR_STRUGGLES


15. When she bites my nails for me.

“When she bites my nails for me. I hate myself just for writing that.”
RiskyEXP


16. Men in power.

“Men in power. teachers/managers/ heck, even therapists.
Just something about it being taboo turns me on”
maggie478


17. Truckers watching me jack off in traffic.

“Truckers watching me jack off in traffic.

Exhibitionism, I guess? Something about them following me to keep watching, that I’m turning someone on gets me horny.

A guy was taking a bunch of pictures once and that was the hottest thing.”

the_recluse


18. A sharp knife cutting a block of cheese.

“When I see gifs that cut something so perfectly. I saw a gif on cutting a block of cheese with a sharp knife, and I got to be honest, made me a bit wet. So sexy.”
whitemeatlover


19. Seeing my boyfriend get in a fight.

“Seeing my boyfriend get in a fight. It was really hot to me for some reason when he was standing up for himself like that.”
ProbablyMyJugs


20. Getting bit by my pet cat Gary.

“Getting bit by my pet cat Gary.”
chokingonlego


21. The smell of fresh lumber.

“The smell of fresh lumber. I played doctor with the girl next door when I was six in her attic and the memory of the smell remains. I’m in my forties. Amazing.”
Btjimmymatt


22. A woman who has noticeable body odor.

“A woman who has noticeable body odor. Armpits, not vag. Instant boner. Yes, really. Bash her with a club, drag her back to my cave, and ooga booga. But for real. Dat musk.”
some_neanderthal


23. Watching animals get it on.

“Watching animals get it on. Don’t want to fuck animals but it still does the job for me.”
oliver51293


24. Scrawny nerds.

“I love tall, skinny guys. Biologically, I guess I should be attracted to big, strong men. But goddamn do I love me a scrawny nerd.”
PsychedelicGoat42


25. My husband’s armpit hair.

“My husband’s armpit hair. He’s always yelling at me to stop touching it but I can’t stop. It’s so manly and cool.”
abargis


26. Saying the ‘Our Father.’

“Saying the ‘Our Father.’

Went to a Catholic high school where we were made to go to church every Tuesday and for some weird reason there was a part of the service we’d stand sit down for 30 minutes kneel then stand up and say the ‘Our Father’ and I guess gravity frequently pushed blood to my nether regions and gave me a boner that sat for 10 minutes. So whenever I say the Our Father now, I guess I’ve associated it with having a boner.”

wasazimbo


27. Girls who stutter.

“Girls who stutter. It’s just so damn cute!!”
TooMuchTXN


28. Being watched or spied on.

“Being watched, or even just the thought of someone spying on me whether I’m busy alone or with my significant other.”
PrettyLittlePixels


29. Nurses.

“Nurses. I never had a thing before, but since I’ve started working at a hospital, I’ve noticed some nurses get their scrubs tailored.

Damn.

ryguy28896


30. A certain shade of blue.

“A certain shade of blue, like turquoise but slightly more blue than green. Instantly makes any girl wearing that color at least 3 points hotter.”
vansc14


31. Climbing a rope.

“Climbing a rope, no not a metaphorical penis it’s an actual goddamn rope. I’ve accidentally orgasmed and that shit is dangerous when you’re up that high…something the muscles you use for your groin causes it….FROM CLIMBING A GOD DAMN ROPE!”
yourcordialmonkey


32. Getting into a really comfortable bed when I’m tired.

“Getting into a really comfortable bed when I’m tired.”
slimbino


33. Fear.

“Low-level fear/apprehension, like someone whispering in my ear, having a threatening look on their face, man handling, talking sternly, etc.”
queefcentral


34. Whenever a girl whispers to me I blush a little.

“Whenever a girl whispers to me I blush a little. Doesn’t matter much what she says.”
Shupft78


35. Getting tickled by anyone.

“Getting tickled by anyone. It’s real unfortunate, given my abundance of older sisters.”
Manoosh_KingKapiko


36. An extra curvy piece of driftwood.

“An extra curvy piece of driftwood.”
PM_ME_SOME_TITEES


<h3>37. Getting slapped.
“Getting slapped.”
Solterlun


38. Women who don’t try.

“Women not trying: sweatpants, ponytail, glasses…that’s all day.”
northXnortheast3


39. Being hung over.

“Being hung over. Hangover Horny is a real thing.”
sireaglecock


40. Being multilingual.

“Being multilingual. Something about being able to fluently communicate with someone in another language that just gets me.”
f3athers


41. Braces on a legal-aged female.

“Braces on a legal-aged female.”
Intrepidatious


42. Australian accents.

“Australian accents because I used to look at a lot of Abby Winters Porn. Now when I talk to customers in Australia I sit in my office with a full Matilda…”
ooo-ooo-oooyea


43. Roughly manhandling my girlfriend.

“Roughly manhandling my girlfriend, whom I love dearly and never ever want to be hurt in any way, while we have sex. Hair-pulling, grabbing her all over. I got a strong urge to start choking her the other day while fucking her from behind, but I obviously restrained myself because that shit isn’t cool if you haven’t talked about it beforehand.”
LndnGrmmr


44. Someone genuinely telling me I’m smart.

“Someone genuinely telling me I’m smart. Makes me wet every time.”
gloggs


45. The smell of my husband when he gets home from work.

“The smell of my husband when he gets home from work. He’s a machinist. The cutting oil and metal and all the other scents combined get me wet instantly.

Thinking about my husband getting older. He’s getting laugh lines around his eyes and his beard is starting to go grey. Oh, boy! Mmm! Makes my heart race and I get all sorts of hot and bothered! I have a big thing for salt and pepper hair. Whew!”

mombewbs


46. Knee-high socks.

“Knee-high socks…wow.”
BruschiOnTap


47. Getting a haircut.

“Getting a haircut. Something about the feeling of my hair being gently pulled and cut; and fingers running through my hair and scalp.”
DarthLithgow


48. My lactating wife dripping milk all over my body during sex.

“My wife is breastfeeding our twins. I find none of that breastfeeding, the pumping, or the endless bottles of breastmilk to be anything more than a chore and certainly not a turn on.

It seems she always has to breast pump. But sometimes we get an opportunity to have sex when both babies are asleep. Often she has to pump during that time. Sometimes we decide to delay pumping to have sex first so as to not let the opportunity go to waste.

When that happens, for some reason I find it a super turn on when my wife is on top and her full breasts are rapidly dripping milk all over my neck, chest, stomach. It’s a mess and I’m aware of that as it’s happening…but something about it puts me over the top much faster.”

hyperbolapalooza


49. Nazi uniforms.

“Nazi uniforms.

I hate the ideology as much as the next decent person but I have to say their uniforms (particular the dark or dark navy blue ones) really turn me on.”

uglyduckface555


50. Battery-powered toothbrushes.

“Battery-powered toothbrushes.”
boozeguzzler80


51. Rubik’s cubes.

“Rubik’s cubes.

I get a little flustered seeing them…and even more so when I hear the sound of the cubes sliding as they’re being solved. Watching a pair of hands cradling a cube, fingertips deftly twisting the pieces this way and that, I can’t help but imagine them on my body…gah, just thinking about that makes my knees buckle.”

OutgrownShell


52. Being slapped during sex.

Didn’t know I liked to be slapped during sex. When we first started dating my boyfriend slaps me. I froze, and honestly thought I was about to be the focus of a Dateline murder story. He said my eyes got as big as saucers and then narrowed and I smirked. That was the moment I didn’t die and learned I liked to be slapped…

Slap was across my cheek while I was on top. He looked so sexy laying there and smug about my shocked reaction, that it completely turned me on. Ass slaps do it, too.”

SheWhoComesFirst


53. The smell of old books.

“The smell of old books.”
Darkestro


54. When my S.O. mentions our future babies.

“When my S.O. mentions our future babies. Spring-loaded action, I tell ya.”
a_glorious_bass-turd


55. When women come to me emotional/upset.

“When women come to me emotional/upset. I feel like a shitty person but I think it awakens some prehistoric caveman ‘must protect female!’ urges.”
deathpool22


56. Being called daddy by a beautiful woman.

“Being called daddy by a beautiful woman.”
metalama


57. Working out to the point of exhaustion.

“Working out to the point of exhaustion. Probably a combo of the elevated heart rate and testosterone. I’m super tired, usually no strength left, sweaty, sore, and hornier than a Catholic rabbit.”
matttblaster


58. Men getting boners in situations where they’re not supposed to.

“Men getting boners in situations where they’re not supposed to.”
sunlit-shadows


59. A woman in a white shirt and jeans.

“A woman in a white shirt and jeans. It’s my absolute favorite look. Instant raging clue.”
CuntyMcFagNuts69


60. Girls with an obvious overbite.

“Girls with an obvious overbite. I have no idea why.”
Rtreesaccount420


61. Pregnancy.

“Pregnancy just really turns me on. Fuck, I am weird.”
dwaema


62. Girls who smoke.

“Smoking chicks. Ugh. I don’t understand it at all. I’ve never smoked in my life.”
Chasing-Amy


63. Grey leggings.

“Grey leggings, I’m good for every other color but grey.”
afflactheduck


64. The thought of/the action of taking drugs.

“Being the center of attention at a party.

The thought of/the action of taking drugs.

Literally both these things get me wet without fail every time. What the fuck is wrong with me.”

Antic-Disposition


65. Seeing girls shave their heads.

“Seeing girls shave their heads. No clue what it is but yeah it makes me horny.”
buzzzzzz44


66. Absolutely horrific stupidly oversized boob jobs.

“Absolutely horrific stupidly oversized boob jobs I’m talking about scars all over the place with a rogue stretched out nipple pointing to the moon.

Makes me hard enough to punch holes in Osmium plate.

Most of my girlfriends have been quite petite however go figure.”

Oi-Oi


67. Watching Nat Geo documentaries about African tribes.

“Watching Nat Geo documentaries about African tribes. Random tribe women boobs.”
regedit007


68. Cold hands.

“Cold hands.

Being hugged in winter can get reeeeal awkward…”

SixUK


69. When a guy is angry with me.

“When a guy is angry with me and giving me a telling off/stern talking to about my behavior and what I did wrong.”
Takeapeekaboob


70. Women in suits get me wet.

“Women in suits get me wet. I love the androgyny. Not good when I work in a massive office with 5000+ people…”
shinyhappycat


71. Oversized T-shirts on short girls.

“Something about an oversized T-shirt. Especially on a shorter girl. Gets me going.”
Fred42096


72. German accents.

“Nice German accents. Ja iz very gut. It Gets me craving some schnitzel… (I’m a straight dude.)”
sad-splinter


73. Stress.

“Stress. I used to get stress boners all the time, made studying hard.”
the_real_chef


74. Women holding a ruler or something similar and tapping it on their hand.

“Being playfully scolded. Small tooth imperfections. Getting a surprise slap if I ever bend over for something. Women holding a ruler or something similar and tapping it on their hand. Pigtails and bunches. I shouldn’t have to point out all of this is on legal age females!”
scribblepiss


75. My girlfriend’s feet.

“My girlfriend’s feet. I want to lather them up and fuck the shit out of them at some point.”
Wolfgang7990


76. Just hurt me a teeny little bit.

“Sigh. Just hurt me a teeny little bit. It’s like a switch goes off and I go from super awkward need to ‘hurt me motherfucker, I was super bad’ and then click, it’s off and I’m back to pretending it never happened out of guilt.”
bookwitchx


77. Actual reports of rape/abuse.

“I think the worst thing is actual reports of rape/abuse. I feel bad for the victims but I also get a little wet. (Though when I watch porn I don’t actually feel bad for anyone there).”
ASupportingStranger


78. Fruit.

“Fruit in general….Specifically pineapples, though. I don’t really know why, it’s just something about the texture of the fruit’s skin. Thank God they don’t have crunch ’n’ sip at high school, though.”
autisticmountaingoat


79. A girl deadlifting, squatting, or benching.

“A girl deadlifting, squatting, or benching properly with decent weight. Shit just gets me going like crazy.”
i-don’t-like-shit


80. The Firefox logo.

“The Firefox logo. I use Firefox as my porn browser and so now I’ve got this Pavlovian trigger every time I see the logo.”
Ailuri


81. Being slightly choked.

“I learned I like a slight choking when I recently went to the dentist and the dental hygienists kept having to squeeze my neck.”
Goskatenow


82. Chokers.

“Chokers. I know they’re a fashion accessory and I agree they look nice. But, it’s like my brain sees a choker and is like “I bet she likes to be choked”, which is absolutely love doing.”
Un-discovered


83. The scent of lilac.

“The scent of lilac.”
12thKnight


84. Seeing other girls obviously flirting with my boyfriend.

“Seeing other girls obviously flirting with my bf. Especially when he blatantly fobs them off and shows 0 interest, I love it.”
Scylla142


85. A girl getting peed on by a guy.

“A girl getting peed on by a guy. I’m not into BDSM or anything but that turns me on for some unknown reason.”
HeavyMetalChurch666


86. The sound of seagulls.

“When I hear seagulls—I lived in a sea town and my place was right near the beach. I had this gf who was unemployed and stayed at home all day. The only fun thing about her day was me giving her the d, and she was hot! She’s long gone but the memories stay. Those seagulls liked to watch us, I am sure (bjs on the balcony, last floor).”
bayIvan


87. Thunderstorms.

“Thunderstorms. No idea why, but that seems to just be the way it is. I had sex with my ex in a tent during a thunderstorm and it was…transcendent.”
Mathayus


88. Having a gun to my head.

“Having a gun to my head. I had a girl pull a gun on me while she was on top. To be genuinely afraid of the person you’re inside is kinda an addicting feeling. Also witches.”
bnksy420


89. Girls with daddy issues.

“When my younger coworker describes the chaos in her life caused by her daddy issues.”
YOU_DO_YOU_LADIES


90. White supremacists; I’m a little brown girl.

“White supremacists; I’m a little brown girl.”
MissMisery1996


91. Cranes.

“Cranes. I love them. So minimal and so powerful. Phallic. Harmonious. I love cranes.”
Altera_Pars


92. Stepping on dicks.

“Stepping on dicks. I have no idea how it started but the thought of someone in high heels stomping on a dick is highly arousing to me.”
Toothkip


93. Vikings.

“Vikings. Rugged bearded dudes with axes. Damn.”
KelsKosh


94. Fantasies of me being raped over and over and over and over by a horny, beautiful woman.

“Fantasies of me being raped over and over and over and over by a horny, beautiful woman. This actually sort of happened once to me, although I wasn’t fighting too hard, but she encouraged me in ways that were compelling, even though I was not into it, each and every time.”
birdyroger


95. Aggression and force.

“Aggression and force. I’m a social worker so I have to keep this in check a lot. It also totally goes against my ethics and values. Real life example from today: A client of mine was to be arrested and their child (also my client) taken into child protection custody. This was all quite a serious and somber police operation. The police officer walked into my office and said ‘ma’am, I don’t have a warrant for (client’s) arrest but under section (something) of the (something) crimes act I do have the authority to break down the door, and I will, unless you hand over the keys.’ He was very serious, and built like a tank, so I have no doubt he would have done it. This turns me on. A lot. It should not.”
Loulouthi


96. Scars.

“Scars, scars on legs, lips, chin, cheeks, eyebrows, arms, and tits….Yes, I know.”
BooK_WoRM


97. When people tell me ‘fuck you.’

“When people tell me ‘fuck you,’ I should be angry. But instead, I’m horny bc finally someone wants to fuck me.”
VeggieLomein


98. Guys over 350 pounds.

“Fat guys, I don’t mean dad bods I mean over 350 lbs. It’s really bad and I can’t control myself when I see really big guys.”
poutinieweenie


99. Ivanka Trump.

“Ivanka Trump. Good Lord.”
dudeARama2


100. Donald Trump.

“Donald Trump.”
ijee88 TC mark

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