1. I told an adopted girl, ‘I can see why your parents hate you.’
“When I told an adopted girl, ‘I can see why your parents hate you.’”
2. ‘THIS IS WHY GOD GAVE YOUR WIFE CANCER.’
“Learning guitar from uncle. Can’t do it. He said something like, ’It’s easy, come on, you can do it!’
Cue: ‘THIS IS WHY GOD GAVE YOUR WIFE CANCER.’
I mean fuck if any of you can top that I will be surprised; I was a little shit. Aunt ended up dying of cancer by the way.”
3. ‘Can you wait until you get home to start crying?’
“The other day my friend was in my car and said, ‘I feel like I’m about to start crying.’ My immediate response was, ‘Okay…well, can you wait until you get home to do that?’”
4. Stirred a coworker’s drink with my dick.
“I was pissed at a coworker who kept pushing her religion on me and I retaliated by stirring her drink with my dick after she had left it unattended. It was a silent victory for me. I look back on it and know that I’m a horrible human being for what I’ve done.”
5. I intentionally broke a girl’s crayons while she cried.
“When I was in 1st grade, I accidentally stepped on and broke a crayon this girl had while she was coloring on the ground. She started crying a lot about her broken crayon, so I looked her dead in the eyes and said ‘I can’t be friends with sissy’s who cry over crayons.’ I then proceeded to intentionally step on and break the rest of her crayons.”
6. Saw a man bleeding on the roadside and kept driving.
“I was driving my ex home from the movies, and we chanced across a wreck on the roadside. The driver’s head was lolled on his shoulder, openly bleeding and obviously in need of assistance. My ex kept insisting, ‘Keep driving. Someone will help him.’
I feel like shit that I let her run me like that; I can’t believe I wasn’t the one to help him.”
7. I made a Holocaust joke to a Jewish girl.
“We were watching a doc about the Holocaust in journalism class (?)—I was sitting behind a Jewish girl and right after they bulldozed a pile of dead bodies into a ditch I asked her if she recognized anyone on the screen.
As soon as it came out, I was horrified. we both participated in off-color inappropriate joking before, but this was next-level.
What a shitty thing to say. I’m still ashamed.”
8. I yelled at my grandfather and he died before I got a chance to say I’m sorry.
“I once yelled at my grandfather because he didn’t allow me to go over to a friend’s house because it was almost lunch time. He died before I got a chance to say sorry, gonna live with that for the rest of my life.”
9. ‘You want a medal or a chest to pin it on?’
“Sitting at a table with friends at college when a girl and her friend join us ’cause she knew one of my friends. Girl’s a real jerk to everyone. She hones in on my good friend who is insecure. Nervous laughter from everyone so she goes harder.
I stop her and, half-jokingly say, ‘wow, good one. You want a medal or a chest to pin it on?’ (She was seriously flat as a board)
Girl stands up crying and runs out of the building. Turn to everyone cause no idea how that should be the reaction.
Friends tell me, ‘She had breast cancer when she was 16 and had to have them removed. Only happened a few years ago.’
10. Threw sand in a kid’s face.
“Threw sand in a kid’s face once. We were playing in the sandbox and I was trying to demonstrate that it exploded so I threw a bunch of sand in the air.
97% of it went right into his face. I was an adult.”
12. I watched a guy pepper spray a sleeping homeless man on the train and was too scared to do anything to stop it.
“I watched a guy pepper spray a sleeping homeless man on the train and was too scared to do anything to stop it. It happened a few months ago and I keep replaying it in my head, wishing I’d done something.”
13. Emily, I’m sorry.
“When I was around 15 I met a girl online and we quickly fell in ‘love,’ as hormonal teenagers are prone to do. Her parents went away during the school summer break, leaving her home alone for a while and she invited me to come and stay with her as our first face-to-face meeting.
I took the train down to where she lived but on arrival my heart sank. Even though I’d seen pictures of her, she didn’t really resemble the image my love-struck 15-year-old mind had built up. Mutual awkwardness and disappointment became the theme of our first day together so much so that I decided that, not only was I going to go back home the very next day (I think I was supposed to stay for a whole week) but I didn’t want to see or speak to her again.
Just before I left I crept into her room and erased my number from her phone. Then it occurred to me that she had an inbox full of text messages from my number so I had to re-creep into her room and stealthily delete all of those, thus ‘deleting’ myself from her life.
I left and never heard from her again (although she did have my email address). That was about 17 years ago and I still feel very shitty about what I did.
Emily, I’m sorry.”
14. Convinced a girl to blow me, them made her take the bus home.
“Late, at party for my birthday, managed to chat a cute girl into blowing me.
Was too drunk/tired/high on myself after to get her home properly so I made her take the bus. Not a heartbreaking moment but a real ass move.”
15. She even tried to take my shirt off and I just reached into my backpack and pulled a different shirt out. I know, I’m terrible.
“Hooked up with a coworker at her house after a party. After we had finished she asked me to stay and cuddle, obviously douchebag didn’t wanna stay and cuddle. I had made up my mind to walk home shitfaced at 3am. She even tried to take my shirt off and I just reached into my backpack and pulled a different shirt out. I know, I’m terrible.
Cue next day rolling around and at work I ask where she is and my boss tells me that she is spreading her mom’s ashes back in her home state and she was taking a few days off. That’s when I knew I was a real piece of shit.
Bonus points, she survived cancer a few months later.”
16. I purposely smudged an old lady janitor’s mopping job.
“Probs around age ten I was this piece of shit edgelord….Flash-forward to me in a McDonald’s. Old janitor lady is mopping the floor. What does shitty ten-year-old me do? Walk across the mop trail and swish my feet to intentionally smudge it.
Gods I can barely think about it. Not even because I’m pissed or ashamed at myself but because of just how shitty that was, be it myself doing it or anyone else. This was probably an old lady barely able to make ends meet, trying to do whatever job she could…probably never wanted to hurt a soul. Then comes along some shitty rich kid who does something completely fucking douchey like ruin a mop job. Sure, not the most monstrous thing at face value, but put all of what I just said together and…fucking hell. That is beyond dickish. I feel bad about it to this day; even writing about it is hard.”
17. I refused help to a man who needed it.
“I was walking out of a 7-11 gas station a couple of blocks from my apartment building late at night (no one else was there). An old, run down car pulled in and the driver rolled down the window and called over to me. He was clearly very upset and looked like he’d been crying. He told me he just found out his daughter had been in an accident and had been airlifted to a hospital about an hour away. He was trying to get there, but he was almost out of gas and didn’t have any money on him. He pleaded with me for anything I could spare. I told him I didn’t have any cash on me, and I went on my way.
That was a lie. I had plenty of cash on me, and regardless I had my cards on me with which I could’ve bought him some gas. I got about halfway home, thought about what I’d just done, and went back, but he was already gone. I went home where my friends were drinking, and I just sat on the couch and didn’t talk to anyone the rest of the night.
What the hell was wrong with me? Was I so jaded from living in a big city with panhandlers regularly asking for money that I couldn’t recognize when someone might genuinely need my help? The emotion on that man’s face was real, as was the pain in his voice. I don’t think I’ll forget the desperate ‘please!’ as long as I live. Was it really that big of a risk to give this guy $20? Would that loss to me if he was some Broadway-class con man really be that bad when weighed against the possibility that I just let down a father going through the worst moment of his life?
What if his daughter didn’t make it, and he didn’t get to see her before she passed because some cynical asshole at the gas station couldn’t spare a few dollars? I hope that wasn’t the case, that his daughter was fine, and that someone with more compassion was able to help him…or better yet, that there was no accident and he was playing me. Thinking about the alternative has kept me awake at night on multiple occasions.
Ever since then I have tried to keep a more open mind and give people the benefit of the doubt, so that the next time I’m in a position to help someone who needs me, I won’t fail them.
I don’t think the guy wanted money for drugs. Anyone who works with drug addicts like I do would know that a true addict wouldn’t have any car, no matter how crap, that could be sold for even a few bucks that could get them another fix. Also, my neighborhood wasn’t anywhere near the drug corners, and he didn’t have the physical indicators.”
18. Did not visit my grandfather this Christmas. He died four days later
“Did not visit my grandfather this Christmas. I had two vacation days from work which I used to visit someone I had been dating for a month on Thursday and Friday. Then at my parents’ place for the holiday and back to work the next week. My grandfather passed away on 29th of December last year. I’m a real piece of shit.
I made damn sure to drive the some 220km to leave a candle for him at a veteran memorial stone on New Year’s Eve. At the town he had lived for his whole life.”
19. Told my mom I wanted to name my kid after my dad.
“Was having a chat with my brother, sister, and mother about names for kids. promptly say that I don’t like the idea of naming my kid after a family member but if I did it would be my father’s name. At the end of this rambling, mildly insulting speech I look straight at my mom and say ‘because I love Dad.’ Immediately realized that implied that I didn’t love my mother enough to name my kids after her. I tried retracing my steps and covering up my mistake, she laughed and joked about it, but her face showed that she was pretty hurt. Broke my heart that I could be that careless, that woman’s done nothing but good for me.”
20. Told my host he looked like Butt-head.
“Hung out with the host of a New Year’s party for a bit. Drank some of his beer and said, ‘hey you kinda look like Butt-head from that show.’ He said he gets it a lot.”
21. I kicked a girl out of my house after some lackluster sex.
“I had a girl come over for some extracurricular activities. She was drinking and assumed she was staying the night. After we had very lackluster sex I went down stairs smoked a bowl, walked back upstairs and kicked her out of my house. Definitely an ass move.”
22. My friend was counting change, so I knocked all his coins on the ground.
“A friend of mine was counting his change on the entrance of our work. We were about to clock in when I asked him ‘What you got there?’ He shows me with his hand open and I just tapped it from the bottom, all his coins fell on the floor with all the people passing by.
I laughed and left, felt pretty shitty after but when I went to apologize he laughed it off and said he’ll get me next time.”
23. Best friend’s boyfriend died during the best summer of my life and I was a piece of shit.
“After graduating college I spent the summer backpacking around the world. It was the most amazing thing I had ever done; I was kind of shy before but the experience gave me a new-found confidence. Once I was back home I was a hit at bars regaling new friends with stories and was finally successful with attracting the opposite sex. I was having the time of my life.
While I was gone by best friend’s boyfriend overdosed and died at Bonnaroo. A little back story we became friends because she put me back together after a breakup. Stayed with me and cooked for me, but did I return the favor when I came home… no :/
I was too busy having the time of my life. Shortly after I got home she crashed her car and got a DUI. She was in a downward spiral and I ignored her. We were working a shift together after that and I, still in euphoria from the night before, said to her ‘I can’t believe how my life keeps getting better and better and yours just gets worse.’
I didn’t realize what I had said until months later. It’s been years and I still think back on that moment. I could have been there for her but I was just a selfish piece of shit.
tldr: Best friend’s boyfriend died during the best summer of my life and I was a piece of shit.”
24. Brought a morning-after pill to a woman I’d fucked the day prior while she was in the hospital after another guy beat the shit out of her.
“Brought a morning-after pill to a woman I’d fucked the day prior while she was in the hospital after another guy beat the shit out of her.”
25. I wanted to meet a gay guy so I could make fun of him.
“I was very sheltered as a kid. I went to a private Christian elementary and middle school with 16 people in my 8 the grade class. When I was in 9th grade, I went to my first public school. No one knew me, so I felt like I had to be ‘cool.’
One day a friend of mine mentioned that her cousin was gay. I had never met a gay person before. I was genuinely curious if he was just as they appear on TV. So I asked her who he was, wanting to get the chance to meet him. She asked why I wanted to know who he was. Trying to be cool and not like I was genuinely curious, I replied, ‘so I can make fun of him.’
The girl sitting in front of me who I had never heard say a word, just turned around and said ‘you’re a dick.’ It was the first and last thing she ever said to me.
I’ve never felt like more of a piece of shit in my life than that moment.”
26. I gave a girl her first kiss as part of a bet.
“I started a bet with a friend in middle school that we could get this wholesome straightedge girl to kiss one of us. I won the bet at a super romantic moment at a friend’s pool party by a roaring fire but had no real feelings for the girl. A little while later her friend told me that was her first kiss and she really liked me and was heartbroken when she found out about the bet. She has to live her whole life with that as her first kiss. I’m friends with her on FB and 15 years later she is absolutely beautiful and I still feel awful.”
27. I threw a brick over my backyard fence and hit a kid in the head.
“I threw a brick over my backyard fence just cause, and actually hit a kid in the head. It was a pretty bad cut. When his parents and my mom came out I just pointed at my brother and he got the ass whoopin’ of a life time. I was like 6.”
28. Ran over a bird—twice.
“Was driving on a winding road on my way to a job on the countryside when I hit a bird with the car. Stopped the car briefly and saw in my rear-view that it was flapping around until it just sat still in the middle of the road, probably trying to recover from the beating it had taken. I considered stepping out of my car and move the poor bird to the side of the road so it wouldn’t get hit by another car but remembered that flock-living birds can get “expelled” by their flock if they carry an unknown scent. I also figured that this was far off in the countryside in Sweden, and the likelihood of another car passing by anytime soon was close to none.
I was on my way back home about an hour and a half later. My meeting with the client had been a huge success so I was in a great mood, singing to the radio and was probably driving a bit over the limit. I drove up a small crest and on the other side was the same fucking bird sitting in the middle of the road exactly where I left it, I had totally forgotten about it! It was turned towards me and I swear it looked me straight in the eyes, silently cursing at me in its chirpy bird-language as I inevitably drove straight over it for the second time…
Once again I could see the bird being slammed to the asphalt numerous times in my rearview-mirror before disappearing down the slope into the woods.
I’m entirely convinced this bird will dedicate his afterlife to haunting me from the other side for the rest of my life…”
29. Girlfriend’s mom tried killing herself, so I went home to drink.
“Was watching Dodgeball with my then girlfriend. Lots of bad things happened that night that we were unaware of, and in the end her dad stormed into our room shouting ‘get upstairs now and call 999.’ Her mum tried to commit suicide by an overdose on something I’m not aware of. Her mum/dad goes off in the ambulance and my ex is hysterical, crying panicking etc. My uncle at the time also tried to hang himself a few nights previous…. I used this as an excuse to leave my ex for the night, go home and get drunk. I will never forget the tears I left my ex in, while I went home to drink.”
30. Convinced a girl high as a kite who had the tiniest cut on her finger that she will die from infection.
“Convinced a girl high as a kite who had the tiniest cut on her finger that she will die from infection and have it amputated or if she didn’t go hospital it would spread and lose her arm. She started crying, called her mum, and went to hospital.”
31. I’ve had sex with 2 friends’ gfs…while they were still dating them.
“I’ve had sex with 2 friends’ gfs…while they were still dating them. A decade of regret and lost friendships is the result.”
32. Told a suicidal girl to go kill herself.
“Met a girl through and online game that was a legitimate train wreck. Sending nudes to basically everyone at the age of 12, smoked and drank on the daily at 13 or 14, did coke and speed at 15. Girl was a major bitch and a manipulator to basically everyone, and had no one who cared about her as a result. I tried being the first.
As I said, she ended up being a massive manipulator and one of the only people I’ve ever branded as ‘irredeemable.’ Checked in on her some years later, and asked her how she’s been. Said she was probably gonna kill herself, to which I replied ‘Yeah, you go do that,’ and then blocked her.
Is that fucked-up? Yeah. Do I care if she actually killed herself? Can’t say that I do.”
33. Kneed a neighborhood kid in the nuts for no reason.
“Kneed a neighborhood kid in the nuts for no reason at all when I was like 9 or 10…I was a little shit as a kid.”