That’s the worse thing about missing someone.
You can be in the happiest place right now, glowing with blissful joy, but you cannot appreciate it or be able to. Because instead of celebrating your moment, instead of joining the lively conversations and bustling activities around you, you are miles away with him. Replaying what happened for the thousandth times. Dreaming of being back in his arms. And if you could bring yourself to admit it, how you would trade everything you have just to have him back.
Or you can hit a rough path and nothing goes right. Instead of refocusing your attention to build yourself up, to rectify your mistakes, and to come back stronger than before, you feel that nothing matters.
Not even the bad aftertaste of defeat. Not the humiliation of falling flat on the concrete pavement so loud you thought you hear your jaw crack. Not the fear of falling so deeply into the bottomless pit of failure that you fear you can ever crawl out.
No, for nothing matters without him. He is the reason for the joy in your eyes, the smile on your face, the lightness in your steps, the love in your heart.
Like the craft master, he assembles your misfit and haphazard pieces into one that tells a story. Like the novelist, he is the pulse of your universe as he arranges the sequence of past events to make sure that your story flows. Like the doctor, he heals the broken and fragmented parts of you into one that is as good as new.
Like the lover, he promises to love every inch of you to eternity and beyond.
But guess what, he is not real.
The him that you are so absorbed with does not exist. You are in love with the idea of him. The promises not reality. The potential not his true self. The imaginary idea that he is all you want and you will not find another like him.
Because if he was real, he would be with you right now. You would not be here missing him.
There is a reason why it did not work out with him. Perhaps he chose to end it or you decided to call it quits. It might seem like a good idea then but now you are having second thought. Did you do the right thing? Maybe you should have tried harder.
Don’t blame yourself for walking away. As hard as it is to see it now, you did the right thing. For love itself is uncertain enough. You need someone who is one hundred percent absolutely sure of you. Not the halfhearted efforts, the confusing actions, and the fickle-minded ways his mind changes like the seasons.
When his only certainty is that he is unable to love you the amount, the extent, and the way you need to. Then, and only then, is he the one.