Thought Catalog
April 12, 2017

25 Hilarious ‘Said No One Evers’ That Will Instantly Crack You Up

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What is the issue?
God & Man

1.

“We should take it slowly, except for the sex part.”


2.

“I need more drama in my life.”


3.

“I would like you to be the person to whom I send pictures of my genitals.”


4.

“Why is it so difficult to find a Starbucks?”


5.

“I wish guys would ignore my sparkling personality and just judge based on my gigantic tits.”


6.

“Now that you’ve told me I’m going to hell, I definitely want to join your religion.”


7.

“When I grow up, I want to be a scumbag.”


8.

“I really don’t think it’s fair that there’re only 364 International Men’s Days a year.”


9.

“I can see why you hate that picture of yourself.”


10.

“I really just drink diet soda for the taste.”


11.

“Jeez, I really wanted to continue this argument but you just called me privileged so I guess that’s game, set, and match.”


12.

“I went into teaching for the money.”


13.

“I think our relationship needs a little more irony.”


14.

“I’d like my vanity plate to say, “PRBLY DRUNK,” please.”


15.

“I may have been deeply vested in this topic for many years but your anecdotal evidence that’s contrary to all the facts has managed to change my opinion on the subject.”


16.

“I would like to invest in your delusional business opportunity.”


17.

“It makes me feel good about the world that the twelve-year-old next to me on the train has a nicer cell phone than me.”


18.

“What I like most about an 8-second video clip is the 30-second ad preceding it.”


19.

“You have really ugly eyes.”


20.

“I’m a little underdressed for Golden Corral.”


21.

“Am I the only one that thinks the rent is too damn low?”


22.

“If you have a problem with me, you should just talk about it behind my back.”


23.

“I’m so excited! I got into the community college!”


24.

“I prefer the lack of sensation and intimacy afforded by condoms.”


25.

“I become violent when I smoke marijuana.” TC mark

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