February 5, 2016

23 Women Describe Their Worst Kiss Ever

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1. his breath was so rank—I’m talking demons dancing on his tongue rank

“The worst kiss I experienced was with a guy I was talking to in my freshman year of college. Just thinking about it makes me frown. This guy had the nerve to kiss me when his breath was so rank—I’m talking demons dancing on his tongue rank. It was that bad. After he kissed me I looked at him and asked if he threw up, he said no.”

—India

2. he tried to eat my face

“Ugh. There was one guy in high school who tried to, for lack of a better description, ‘eat’ my face. It’s like he forgot I had lips. If I want a tongue bath, I’ll snuggle with my dog, thanks.”

—Michelle

3. I felt like I was making out with my kneecap

“Kissing a man with 0 lips: I felt like I was making out with my kneecap.”

—Patti

4. I think my body was trying to fight him off like an antibiotic

“It wasn’t really a “mutual” kiss. For some reason, this guy decided to steal one from me. He missed my entire mouth, kissed my face, and my left cheek started to swell. I think my body was trying to fight him off, like a f-cking antibiotic.”

—Richardine

5. I swallowed a lot of his spit

“The worst kiss I had was when I kissed a guy I was talking to, and I swallowed a lot of his spit. I don’t like spit so it was terrible for me.”

—Sicarah

6. It was like someone jammed a big slimy erect tuna in my mouth

“I was hanging out with my male best mate from math camp at his house listening to G Love and the Special Sauce, drinking and doing math problems (yes, it is sad, I know, but he was smart and had cool taste in music and became an architect). When he suggested having a drink (whilst being 15 years old and doing math problems) I knew something would happen. We wound up dancing around like idiots and he finally plucked up the courage to kiss me. We had been close friends for a while so it should have been good. It was like someone jammed a big slimy erect tuna in my mouth and it was flapping around wildly, trying to escape through the back of my head, my cheeks, anywhere. And like the tuna was on both crystal meth and LSD and had a really violent disposition to start with. It was absolutely horrible and it didn’t get any better.”

—Melody

7. my face felt crusty from all his dried-up drool

“My WORST kiss, was with a boy I didn’t even like. He shoved his lips on mine and swirled his tongue around my mouth. He literally sucked on my face, too the point were my face felt crusty from all his dried-up drool. It was disgusting and I had to push him off of me. Ugh!”

—Samantha

8. he started licking the entire bottom of my face

“This one time, a guy and I went into a closet at a party and started kissing. His tongue was so long and he didn’t know how to control it so he started licking the entire bottom of my face. I still get chills thinking about it. It was so disgusting. I pulled away and he was like, ‘Why did we stop?’ SERIOUSLY?! You just slobbered all over my face. I don’t want anymore.”

—Dara

9. he shoved his tongue so far down my throat that I started choking

“I recently went out with a seemingly cool, normal dude. When he kissed me, he shoved his tongue so far down my throat that I started choking. He either didn’t notice, or didn’t care. And his mouth tasted like he had smoked a pack of cigarettes AND not brushed his teeth for two days. So gross!”

—Mandy

10. he purposely spit beef jerky into my mouth

“I was at my boyfriend’s house one night, and he offered me some beef jerky. I politely refused to try it. He pretended not to care and finished his jerky about an hour before I left. When I got up to leave, he walked me to the door and started to kiss me goodbye. Turns out he’d saved a mouthful of jerky in his cheek, and he purposely spit it into my mouth so I ‘had to try it.’ Yeah.”

—Marisa

11. the single grossest thing I’ve ever experienced

“Once I was making out with a guy at a school dance (so, already bad) and he was getting so tongue-sy that his gum went into my mouth and then back into his. It was the single grossest thing I’ve ever experienced.”

—Jess

12. So. Did Not. Want. That.

“When I was in college, a professor kissed me. A much, much older (and frankly, fairly unattractive) professor. When I pulled away and told him to stop, he said, “I thought you wanted me to do it.” So. Did Not. Want. That.”

—Kati

13. Bad enough that I broke up with him a day later…or was it hours later?

“I remember when I had my first kiss with my first boyfriend in high school. It was awful; like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with ketchup sandwich awful. No, like raw egg with chocolate milk nasty. Okay, maybe not that bad. But it was bad. Bad enough that I broke up with him a day later…or was it hours later? I can’t remember….It was one of those kisses in which you had to turn and wipe your mouth and half of both your cheeks on the back of your hand while pretending you didn’t really just do that. Yeah, bet I’m not the only one who has had that. I ran up the stairs still wiping and utterly disgusted.”

—Mahjabeen

14. still makes me cringe

“The worst kiss I have ever been party to still makes me cringe when I think back on it. The gentleman seemed to think utilizing techniques typically reserved for going down on a woman would enhance the moment. It did not.”

—Catherine

15. it was this vacuum cleaner of a kiss where he literally Hoovered all the spit out of my mouth

“My worst kiss was more than twenty years ago and it still stands out in my mind. I was ‘dating’ this fellow marching band geek who had asked me to go to Homecoming with him. I put ‘dating’ in quotes since we hadn’t actually gone on a date yet—Homecoming was going to be it. But we saw each other all the time and hung out, and I don’t know about you, but that’s pretty much what it looked like to date when you were 15. Anyway! One day before practice, he kissed me in the band room. I certainly hadn’t kissed many people at this point, but I’m not sure he had kissed any—it was this vacuum cleaner of a kiss where he literally Hoovered all the spit out of my mouth. I was parched afterwards!”

—Belle

16. He’d just roll his tongue around in a circular motion

“I broke up with the first boyfriend I ever kissed because of how awful his kissing was. He’d just roll his tongue around in a circular motion and even though I was only 12 I knew that was not kosher! I couldn’t tell him that was the reason, because I actually had some sensitivity to people’s feelings back then…”

—Millie

17. Sloppy with too much tongue

“Blech…I totally remember the worst kiss. I was 16 in the back of a car in the Magic Mountain parking lot. The guy kissed like a bloodhound. Sloppy with too much tongue. I chased after him for 2 months up to that point and totally blew him off after. It was gross.”

—Melody

18. When I wiped my jaw area, water dripped from my hand

“I began dating this little boy back in freshman year who literally slobbered all over my fuckin face the first time we kissed and still managed to gag me with his tongue. When I wiped my jaw area, water dripped from my hand. Yikes!”

—Claudia

19. he thought a kiss meant trying to stick his tongue as far down my throat as possible

“Oh boy, where do I begin? Worst kiss ever was from an ex of mine who thought a kiss meant trying to stick his tongue as far down my throat as possible. The kisses were so horrible that kissing was not a part of our relationship. It just wasn’t a thing. The reason these types of kisses were so horrible is because, to me, a kiss is supposed to be something BOTH people involved are participating in. This kiss just left me with my mouth wide-open breathing through my nose, little to no lips involved. Stop playing with my tonsils. I want to feel good, not get a checkup -_-”

—Jazzlyn

20. he starts kissing my ‘face’—not my lips, but my face

“The worst kiss I had was when this guy threw me on the couch and I thought that we were going to get it on and poppin’. As I lay there I saw this guy getting closer and closer in slow motion. A part of me was mesmerized by his beard but the other part was horrified on getting body slammed. Then he lands on top of me and he starts kissing my ‘face’—not my lips, but my face. Slowly started drooling and kissing my lips, in which at this point I was over it. I was tired of Chewbacca trying to slobber and chew off my entire face. If a 6’3″ buff beard guy pretends to be Chewbacca in a making out session you need to cut it off. We were not even auditioning for Star War and he obviously did not know I was Princess Leia. So by far this has been my worst kiss and I hope he is reading this right now: THE SHADE BOO, CARRY ON!”

—Tania

21. I felt as though I was fighting for my life

“Guy I had met a party when I was like 16 and he tried to shove his tongue down my throat and then proceeded to turn his head while his tongue was being ejected into my mouth. I felt as though I was fighting for my life. (Let it be known that I do not make it a habit of kissing people I meet the first day. That was my first and last time ever doing that.)”

—Lizzy

22. open-mouth bass-fish kiss

“Happened with a blind date a couple of years ago… I went for the chaste peck, he went for open-mouth bass-fish kiss. @.@ It was like playing rock, paper, scissors with lips and I totally lost that round. ”

—Komadori

23. an abnormally large tongue

“My worst kiss involved an abnormally large tongue. It was disgusting and so fat; it didn’t fit in my mouth. His lips were also dry and peeling and I felt a flap of chapness on my lips.”

—Jasmine TC mark

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