She hates falling asleep alone at night. Hates being stuck as the third wheel. Hates roses and rom-coms and candy hearts.
She can’t stand being single — but she would never admit that. Not aloud. Not even in whispers to herself.
She’s strong. Self-sufficient. She knows how to cook her own breakfast and wash her own plates and drive herself to work.
She feels like she’s not supposed to want a man. Not supposed to daydream about what it would be like to dance around the kitchen in her underwear with the love of her life.
She’s supposed to act like she’s happy being on her own. She’s supposed to be the backbone of her friend group — the girl that cheers her friends up after breakups and reminds them that they don’t need a boyfriend to be happy.
And that’s the truth. She knows relationships and happiness don’t go hand-in-hand, just like singledom and depression don’t go hand-in-hand. They have nothing to do with one another.
But still… It would be nice to have a boyfriend.
That’s why she secretly gets excited whenever a boy pays her attention. When he compliments the shade of her eyes or the punchline of her jokes. She wants affection. She just doesn’t want to admit that she wants it.
When she’s in love, or when she’s heartbroken, she feels like she has to keep it all inside. She doesn’t want to admit that a boy has power over her. That she’s just as emotional as every other person on the planet.
She likes to pretend that she has it all together. That she’s above modern dating. That she’s too sophisticated for all that trouble.
But — if she found the right guy, the type of guy that puts in effort and answers her messages and makes her feel alive — then she would happily enter into a relationship. She wouldn’t have any doubts, any regrets.
Right now, she’s perfectly happy on her own — but she’d be pretty happy in a relationship with the love of her life, too. And she shouldn’t be ashamed to admit it.
She shouldn’t be embarrassed that she has feelings. Wants. Needs.
But she doesn’t want to appear weak. She doesn’t want uneducated strangers to assume that she’s a needy damsel in distress, just because she likes the idea of becoming someone’s girlfriend. Just because she thinks it would be nice to feel wanted.
So she’s going to keep claiming that she’s fine without morning texts and midnight drives and movie nights on the couch — because she actually is fine with it.
Sure, she would love to find her forever person. But she also loves the single life.
Some people won’t believe that, especially after knowing that she fantasizes about weddings and honeymoons, but she genuinly enjoys being alone. She really does.
But that doesn’t mean she has to stay that way forever.