Was talking to a girl on the phone who at the time was fucked up on painkillers and started relating to me a story about how when she was 7 she pushed a girl into a pool and watched her drown. Her grandma came home, found out about it, and told her to tell the police it was an accident.
That should have been a warning sign right there.
2. Er, thanks?
“I kept some of your hair.” At 20 year high school reunion.
Copied from an email I received from a stalker seven years ago: “When you and her have your baby, rest assured, I’ll be the one that raises it.”
When I was about 17-years-old, I worked at a cafeteria and some girls (11 and 13) where chasing me for weeks. They even waited in front of my door when I had to go to work to chase me all the way up there.
One day I was working and the cafeteria was full with people when the 11-year-old girl asked, “When can I give you a blowjob?” Everyone instantly looked at me.
Uncomfortable isnt even the right word to describe my feelings at that moment.
Making out with a girl I was seeing, lightly slide my hand up her chest, and as my hand is going to caress her cheek, she grabs it around her neck and forces me to choke her which is fine… she then proceeded to call out her brother’s name…
This happened to a friend of mine I was living with. I won’t go into it, but the situation we were in demanded we shared a bunk bed. We had a rule that we could bring girls home so long as we kept the noise down. One night, whilst sleeping, my friend brings this girl home with him. I woke up to them coming in as they went up to his bunk to start messing around
I hear the typical stuff at first. Lip smacks, heavy breathing, some moaning. Then it happened. I hear the girl whisper to my friend the words “are you down with the funk?”
In retrospect, my friend says he said yes because the chick was hot and he didn’t want to ruin the night. So he says “yeah baby, I’m down with the funk for sure.” Almost immediately the girl takes off her panties, stands up on the bunk, turns around, squats and shits.
Right on his chest.
Luckily for him it wasn’t the messy sort, but as you can imagine, the guy lost his shit(no pun intended). He tossed her off the bunk and started screaming for girl to get the fuck out of his house.
Meanwhile, I’m on the bottom bunk laughing my ass off. So, not really the creepiest thing a woman’s ever said, but now you know what the funk is.