A fellow TC writer, Rob Fee, recently wrote a piece entitled “8 Things Men Will Always Find Attractive In Women.” It consists of the typical feel-good crap that is peddled everywhere you go and does not take anything but an anecdotal perspective into account. No offense to Rob—he’s probably just the average “nice guy” who grew up in a society devoid of strong male role models. I don’t expect any hard truths from a guy like him. But I was too disturbed by what he wrote not to respond, so what I will do is lay down some truth up in this hizzouse by telling you what men will REALLY always find attractive in women. Here we go.
1. Wide hips
Wide hips are a sexually dimorphic trait. During puberty, women’s hipbones widen to facilitate childbirth. Hips don’t lie—wide hips in a woman are a strong signifier to men that she’s a mature adult who’s very much capable of reproduction. (She can push out little critters with ease.) Since we men are all about putting our seed in fertile ground, it’s not uncommon to see us fawning over Iggy Azalea and her ilk’s “parted like the Red Sea” hips.
2. Big, full, and red lips
Big, full, and red lips are a strong sign of good genetic quality. Full lips are often a sign that your jaws have grown correctly without misalignment—a very good indicator of genetic health. It’s no coincidence that people who have a perfect teeth and a perfect bite often also have full lips. But what of the redness? Lipstick doesn’t exist in nature, so why would men find red lipstick attractive? When women apply red lipstick they’re unknowingly mimicking a big sign of arousal in primates. Upon arousal in female primates blood rushes to their lips, creating a red sheen. Naturally, male apes are going to want to get with someone who’s putting her willingness on display. This is no less true in Homo sapiens. Red lips are universally attractive because they signal arousal and willingness to engage in sex. So ladies, perhaps you should be a bit more careful with what you smear on your lips if you don’t want to look like you’re actively looking to get a piping.
3. Slim waists
This one goes hand-in-hand with the wide hips. Estrogen, the female hormone, dictates fat storage in women. High estrogen levels in the female body often mean that fat will congregate around the breasts, the hips, and ass—NOT the stomach. So when men see a woman with a bit of a gut—she’s telling us “My estrogen levels are not very high”—men love high estrogen, so she’s not going to be a big hit with the lads.
It’s simple—if you have a big belly, we’re not going to find you as attractive as we would if you had a slim waist. DUH. Testosterone, the male hormone, dictates fat storage on the stomach. That’s why you don’t see many women with beer guts.
4. Maternal instinct
Women who display a maternal inclination and all the traits that this entails are very attractive. Qualities such as kindness, empathy, and warmth are all the offspring of the maternal demeanor. They are also the antithesis of the typical feminist qualities, something that may explain why most men find feminists repulsive. Personally, I find that seeing a woman coddling a pet or a baby with love in her eyes stirs something deep inside of me—it awakens primal attraction. I remember finding Disney’s portrayal of Snow White to be incredibly attractive as a child. Looking back on it through an evolutionary lens, I’ve come to realize that it may have had a lot do with her cuddle sessions with forest animals. I will often look at how women treat children and small animals. It is a good way to determine whether she’s girlfriend material or pump-and-dump material. Embodying maternal qualities tells men that you will be a good mother to your potentially shared offspring.
Men have always been the dominant sex—men’s largely superior upper-body strength has made any other balance of power impossible. This fact is, despite it seeming that way on first glance, not a disadvantage to women. In fact, women wouldn’t have it any other way. Women on the whole, although many may be afraid to admit it in this current feminist climate of thought-policing, find dominant men more attractive than their meeker counterparts. They don’t like feeling “above” their men. This is evident in the fact that women tend to want to marry partners who make more money than they do. The force that logically corresponds to women’s attraction for dominant men is the male attraction to submissive women. A woman acting submissive around a man will reaffirm his protector and provider instincts, making him both feel better about both himself and her.
6. Ample breasts
Men love big tits—that’s not a very well kept secret. Some speculate that boobs have evolved to resemble the ass as much as possible, the reason being that our ancestors, who were initially only able to mate from behind, needed a substitute ass to ogle around the time when bipedalism allowed for face-to-face fucking. The fact that breasts play a big part in nurturing offspring has helped a lot in the two funbags’ meteoric rise to sex-symbol status. Again, estrogen plays a big part in telling fat where to go. In women with a healthy hormonal profile, a lot of fat will assemble around the breasts.
7. Big asses
Kim Kardashian’s ass draws a lot of looks from horny men and jealous women. Her ass is attractive because of its breadth and volume. She be storing fat in all the right places. There’s not really much more to say about this. The bottom line is that if you have a big ass, you’re signaling fertility to the opposite sex.
Beauty is, contrary to popular belief, NOT in the eye of the beholder. There are very specific ratios and features that determine facial beauty across cultures. Men will always find a beautiful face attractive—beauty is attractiveness. You’d better have big eyes, a small nose, a small chin, and big lips if you want to get yourself some action. Actually, scratch that—lucky for you, men’s standards are not very high, so any hoglike women out there reading this, there’s hope for you.
There you have it. It’s a bit harder to swallow than Rob’s fluffy mess, but it is definitely closer to the truth—can you handle it?