39 Things That Only People With Glasses Understand
1. A rainy day is pretty inconvenient for most people, but a few raindrops can leave you tormented and wishing that your glasses had windshield wipers.
2. Being around the ocean, or in a place with early morning mist, always leaves a fine bit of spittle on your lenses.
3. You have to plan your whole workout around contacts. Running with glasses takes a certain amount of finesse and/or crazy.
4. Yoga is nearly always out of the question.
5. Taking pictures in a proper camera is really difficult because the viewfinder might scratch your lenses.
6. Kissing with glasses on is bound to leave you crunching your glasses against your partner’s and your faces.
7. You have to take your glasses off to take a shower, and they often fog up in the bathroom steam while they wait for you to get so fresh and so clean.
8. Sex with glasses on often results in A, smudged lenses, and B, a really awkward O face.
9. Forgetting where you put them and panicking is enough to give you a mild heart attack.
10. Walking in somewhere warm from the cold makes your glasses fog up like no other.
11. That strange sense of vertigo you get from outside the rim of your glasses when you have to adjust to a new prescription.
12. Accidentally sleeping with them in your bed rather than putting them on your nightstand, and rolling over them in the middle of the night.
13. That weird slick feeling you get on the bridge of your nose over the course of the day and have to constantly wipe down.
14. Adorable lil’ whiteheads that pop up around where the frames of your glasses touch your face.
15. Your lenses are a great conductor for sunburn around your eyes.
16. That weird reflective glint that happens when somebody takes a flash photo of you. (Contacts, which often provide a vampire-happy red eye, aren’t much better.)
17. You inwardly feel a certain amount of conflict against the people who wear Google Glass.
18. Getting makeup smudged on your lenses when you accidentally push your lenses against your face.
19. That heart-dropping moment when a screw on your glasses goes loose or, worse, falls out entirely.
20. Feeling compelled to change your entire wardrobe to match your frames.
21. When somebody compares your looks to another person, that other person always has glasses—no matter how little they actually look like you.
22. Always wanting the latest frame designs but knowing you don’t have the money to spring for them as often as you would like.
23. Being automatically stereotyped as booksmart, a nerd, a dweeb, or anything along those lines.
24. Snapping your glasses in half and actually having to tape them together.
25. People will always ask you if they’re new.
26. Drinking something warm always fogs up your glasses.
27. The way people respond when you decide to mix it up and wear contacts. Oddly, it’s often more groundbreaking than changing your hair color.
28. When people ask to try them on.
29. When friends set you up on blind dates, they almost always suggest other people with glasses.
30. That weird itchy feeling behind your ears when you wear your glasses for too long.
31. Babies think glasses are the funniest toys, and will rip them off your face at the first possible chance.
32. The everlasting war between glasses and sunglasses when it’s sunny out.
33. Wearing hard headbands and glasses simultaneously because space behind your ears is valuable real estate.
34. Every time you want to put on a sweatshirt or other article of clothing with a small neck hole, you have to take your glasses off lest they block your head’s path to freedom.
35. When you try to take a selfie, and remove your glasses only to reveal that awful red mark on the bridge of your nose.
36. Pets, and dogs especially, always get spit and slobber over the lenses.
37. Your glasses become a part of your identity, and people will describe you with them much sooner than they will describe any other part of your personality.
38. When the leg of your glasses ruins an otherwise fa-law-less hairdo.
39. As much as you hate to admit it, Harry Potter and Liz Lemon will always be, on a small level, unsung heros in your life.
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The internet has replaced the velociraptors in Jurassic Park…
Curry tends to cloud the mind like that.
“Behind the glamor, the glitz… it’s just selling us, constantly, an idea. And it’s not like you can just sell products. You need to sell the entire context… you have to sell the concept of glamor… the movies, the newspaper, all of it creates a frequency of consciousness that’s constantly spellbinding you into a state where a Galaxy phone seems like a good idea.”
It began at thirteen, breakfasts hidden in desk drawers, flushed down the toilet, and, when the toilet had backed up, its pipes blocked by bananas and boiled eggs and buttered slices of toast and so much cereal and so much…