Thought Catalog
February 3, 2015

11 Dating Red Flags You’re Bound To See With A Narcissist

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Shutterstock / Stefano Cavoretto
Shutterstock / Stefano Cavoretto

Among the types of people who can really muck up your life, there is the toxic narcissist.

Narcissism exists on a spectrum. These self-centered folks can simply be more focused on themselves, or it can cross over into an actual personality disorder. Either way, narcissists are legendarily difficult to have relationships with. So, if you are truly coping with one it might be time to make some hard decisions about the relationship.

Here are some signs that you might be dating a narcissist:

1. He lacks personal responsibility.

It is never, ever his fault. The narcissist can’t see the other person’s side of an issue or admit that he had a part in something that went wrong. He denies the reality that he cause a lot of his own problems.

2. When confronted with your feelings, she lacks remorse.

This is particularly hard to deal with in romantic relationships because it’s essential to be able to work through problems with your partner.

Since narcissists don’t believe they’re at fault in disagreements or misunderstandings, coaxing a sincere apology out of them is difficult and hollow.

They’ll argue in such a way that causes you to feel guilty even though they’re actually at fault.

3. They manipulate you to get what they want.

Since the most important person on the narcissist’s list is himself, he sees the people in his lives as means to an end. If he needs admiration, attention, or to borrow $100, he’ll find a way to get it from you.

4. Preoccupied with perfection.

Narcissists likes their outer appearance to match their elevated perception of the world. Surface appearances are extremely important to them.

Since in their eyes their partner reflects upon them, they’ll often try to control the image that their partner and family projects.

This often involves micromanaging your appearance and decisions. They’ll often make their partners feel like they should be striving to reach their imagined idea of perfection.

5. Their life is secretly in shambles.

While they may strive to appear perfect on the outside, things are not what they appear underneath.

Because narcissists can even convince themselves that their lives are going perfectly, they gloss right over “hard work” and “persistence.”

That, combined with the fact that they treat others like crap, leads to messy breakups and rocky relationships.

6. They have charisma.

A narcissist can be magnetic…at first. Frankly, putting on a repellent self-centered attitude would run contrary to a narcissist’s goals — namely, creating admiration and attention in others to get things from them.

As a result, they usually have a carefully crafted public persona.

7. They steer the conversation toward themselves.

It doesn’t matter what’s happening, narcissists can make it about themselves. They seek out praise and validation from others and are drawn to flattery to support their oversized self opinions.

8. They don’t care about problems that don’t directly involve themselves.

Narcissists are the wrong people to confide in since they’re so self-absorbed and rarely consider the needs of others.

They’ll make you feel like you’re boring or inconveniencing them or change the subject to something that they are interested in, usually themselves.

9. They can’t stand criticism.

While they may be adept at cutting you down with criticism, narcissists don’t handle criticism (constructive or otherwise) well. They may hit back or lash out.

10. They have less empathy.

Recent research suggests that while narcissists have lower levels of empathy as a whole, their ability to empathize with others depends on the individual’s level of narcissism. Either way, this characteristic makes them uncaring partners.

11. Your relationship revolves around their needs and wants.

When the going gets tough, narcissists will often check out completely. Because they’re so low on empathy, narcissists have a hard time putting the needs of others above their own.

As a result, narcissists make difficult, uncaring parents and lovers. As the partner of a narcissist, your needs won’t likely ever cross their radar, let alone come first.

Ever been in a relationship with a narcissist? Have anything to add? Tell me your thoughts in the comment section below. TC mark

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This post originally appeared at YourTango.

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