22 Signs You’re Kind Of, Sort Of Becoming A Grown Up
1. One of your favorite pastimes is doing absolutely nothing while wearing some form of soft pants. It’s incredible how quickly some of us can return home from work or running errands, and within 20 seconds, successfully switch into sweatpant-comfortableness.
2. Seeing kids living their careless, awesome, responsibility-less life makes you jealous. THAT LITTLE GIRL IS IN PUBLIC WEARING HER HALLOWEEN DISNEY PRINCESS DRESS & TIARA WHILE EATING COTTON CANDY AND NOT BEING CONCERNED ABOUT CALORIES OR THIS MONTH’S ELECTRICITY BILL. LUCKY!
3. You do things just because there’s nobody who can tell you not to. Doritos and Mountain Dew for breakfast? F-ck it, who gon’ stop me?
4. You aren’t a part of your parents plans anymore… Not like, their “life” plans, I’m sure they still love you very much, but their cellphone plans or health Insurance coverage no longer include you.
5. You have “favorite” things that it’s depressing to have a favorite one of. THIS brand of paper towels, THAT specific scent of detergent. It’s a sad, sad day when you catch yourself like, “I’m going to the Target that’s 5-miles further out of my way because they carry Tide Lavender there!”
6. You’re now able to go in Home Depot and be like, meh, this isn’t so bad. Or even more grown up-esque, you see lots of things that intrigue you – tile, lighting, paints — there’s fifty shades of gray, but it’s the pewter that really caught your eye, and all of this makes you want to redecorate and watch HGTV.
7. You don’t even flinch or have the least bit of interest when walking past the toy section in stores.
8. People are starting to look at you funny for still owning a futon and/or plastic furniture. Same goes for posters and wall decals. I’m not saying that there’s an age where you must stop decorating your home with posters of eye candy celebrities or the rules to beer pong that you got from Spencer’s Gifts, but you will probably get one or two WTF facial expressions from your guests.
9. You realize that things don’t just appear in your home, and you can really appreciate Mom, Dad and/or whoever raised you for keeping the refrigerator, cabinets, and drawers stocked with all of the random things that you never noticed you used. You know, the stuff that you don’t realize you need, until you actually need it. Oven mittens, A-1 Sauce, a spatula, a plunger – these are examples of necessities we forget about from time to time. God forbid you go through the trouble of preparing a nice t-bone, only to have no A-1 to smother it in. Nobody deserves that… Nobody.
10. Engagements fill your Facebook feed at some point every week.
11. Your tax refunds are used towards credit cards, loans and bills instead of the billions of things you’d rather spend money on.
12. Using words and holding cool, calm conversations is your preferred method of resolving problems, instead of resorting to physical fights or screaming matches.
13. You don’t cringe when so-and-so announces her pregnancy because it actually makes sense to have kids at this age. For the longest time you felt kind of bad for pregnant couples that were potentially facing living out an 18-year-long episode of Teen Mom. People have careers, husbands, wives, houses, credit, and most importantly, plans. These aren’t the impromptu babies people had sophomore year of high school.
14. Eating garbage, not working out and being able to see your feet are no longer a viable option. Your metabolism slows down and your poor dieting habits catch up a whole lot faster than they did in previous years.
15. Missing social events and being up to date on the current storylines in your friends and acquaintances life is important – but so is sleep, and you’ve began choosing naps and extended snoozes over attending brunches or nights out on the town.
16. You’ve actually used the phrase, “Kids these days…” and it felt very natural and genuine rolling off your tongue.
17. On many nights you know good and well that you need to go to sleep, but a self-made bedtime isn’t necessarily a strictly enforced one. Sometimes you might even miss having a figure of authority to make sure you’re getting your full beauty sleep.
18. You’re actually taking advantage of the things that you’d never have thought you’d consider using. Paperless billing, online banking — *gasps* — AUTO-PAY.
19. Some variation of the phrase, “The neighbors music is too loud,” have been uttered from your mouth. (Hopefully you don’t take it a step further and call the cops – we’ll save that for 25 Signs You’re A Grandma.)
20. All of the vegetables that you used to hate, you’ve now developed a taste for. It’s kind of BS though – I mean, our taste buds made dinner time feel like a Fear Factor competition back in the day, but now some of that green stuff is enjoyable.
21. There’s no such thing as portion control when it comes to things you ate small servings of as a kid. That’s why you EAT ALL OF the cake, brownies, queso, chocolate, cookies, chips, ice cream pints, ice cream gallons, ice cream sandwiches, etc. in one sitting. The entire confection, Bruce Bogtrotter style.
22. You understand that there are obligations, responsibilities, inconveniences and so many other aspects that suck about being an adult, BUT the freedom to do as you please, makes it ALL worth it.
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They say laughter is the best medicine, and six months ago I found myself highly medicated, that is, I remembered how to laugh.
If we are not happy now with ourselves and what we are doing then what the hell makes us think that we will be happy or satisfied later?
I remember the grass tickling my bare legs and the stains on your shirt, and you smirking at my excitement before your tongue swirled pralines and cream into my mouth.
Second semester: I wonder how much coffee it would take to kill someone?