November 18, 2011

23 Things You Learn From A Breakup

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What is the issue?
  1. Google’s search box has a 2048 character limit.
  2. When you type the word “alone” over and over, the 2048th character is an o.
  3. Your body is a hydration machine — even if you cry for an hour straight, you will still have tears left.
  4. You shouldn’t book a flight for a vacation 4.5 months in advance.
  5. There is a limit to how many times you can listen to your neighbors have sex before shoes are thrown at the wall.
  6. That teddy bear that you thought was a clichéd gift is a really good listener.
  7. There is no limit to how many times you can listen to Christina Perri’s “Jar of Hearts,” even when the lyrics have absolutely nothing to do with your situation.
  8. Sexy pictures do not resuscitate long-lost attraction — no matter how sexy.
  9. Pizza is only a stand-in for actual love.
  10. Chocolate is a pretty good representation of love, but it won’t hold you at night.
  11. When the cashier tells you you’re buying a “beautiful blouse,” he’s not making a statement about how beautiful you are and how stupid that guy was for letting you go.
  12. Smiling at children does not make you feel better.
  13. Giving couples dirty looks makes you feel better.
  14. Pet-free apartment buildings were created by someone who never went through a break-up.
  15. You know that scene on Friends when Ross and Rachel argue and then Rachel locks the door to the coffeehouse, and then Ross tries to get in, but she has to unlock multiple locks, and then finally she opens the door, and they have that amazingly passionate kiss—oh, and of course it’s raining?  Yeah.
  16. G-chat is detrimental to your non-stalking mission.
  17. That time-machine is taking way too long to be completed.
  18. There may, in fact, be a good reason all of your friends from high school stayed in Ohio and married as soon as possible.
  19. Tons of other people get through this situation without being reduced to psychotic messes who can’t function in regular society, so you should be able to, too.
  20. When someone pushes you away, it’s not an invitation to try harder to stay.
  21. You can’t save something that’s already dead.
  22. Words are useless.
  23. In the end, it’s what he didn’t say that stays with you the most. TC mark
image – Jetportal
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