I have become obsessed with outdoing myself. I live every day making sure I do more, I perform better, I learn something new. I need to constantly remind myself to strive for greatness.
I barely live in the present. My mind is in the future most of the time. The moment I open my eyes in the morning, I am already thinking and planning about what I’m going to do in the next five years.
But what I forget to ask myself sometimes is: What am I working hard for?
It’s a piece of cake to tell myself that I’m working hard for my dreams, for my future, and for the people who believe in me. But I almost always exclude happiness as a reason for all of my efforts in life.
Maybe I assume that by being successful, I can automatically be happy. Maybe if I have all the things that I desire in life, I can already feel accomplished. Maybe if tons of people recognize my name, I can make my loved ones proud of me.
But maybe I have been living life the wrong way. Maybe what I really want, from the bottom of my heart, is to just be happy.
Dreaming big and working hard can be exhausting sometimes. I don’t want to see myself one day as victorious but unhappy. I want to see myself smiling regardless of where I am and what I have in life.
All I want is to get out of bed and have only one goal for the day, which is to simply be happy. I want to do things that I truly love and not have to explain why I’m doing what I’m doing. I want to work on something not because it’s for my future but because it’s for my happiness.
I want to leave my house feeling excited, driven, and passionate about the promise of a new day, then come back home feeling accomplished, relaxed, and satisfied about everything that I have done.
I don’t want to worry about where I’m going. Because being in my dream city won’t guarantee me happiness. I need to learn to embrace the joy that comes from within.
Happiness isn’t defined by tall, sparkly buildings that illuminate the city skyline at night. It’s not about the job designation and the paycheck that comes along with it. It’s not about having a lot of friends but having few people I can always count on.
I don’t mind if I live in a very simple world. As long as I’m in the place where I can immediately find peace. As long as I’m doing what I’m passionate about. As long as I get to see the person that I love every single day of my life.
I want a happiness that comes from giving my heart to someone and knowing that it’s going to be taken care of. I want to share my affection and love and be assured that someone’s going to give them back to me. I want someone to kiss all my worries away and hold my hands to make me feel safe.
All I want is to become the person who chooses happiness above all, and is proud of it. The person who’s unapologetic and never pays attention to what other people have to say.
I want to live a life in which I don’t have to think so much about my future, because living in the present is already enough.
And I want to smile at the world I’ve created.