I have been broken, crushed, shattered, and hurt lately. I have spent most nights crying my heart out. I have lived most days feeling sad and disappointed in myself. I have walked on this earth lost, confused, and purposeless.
All because I have strayed away from Your grasp. All because I have tested the waters, trying to know if was strong, trying to know whether I could make it on my own, trying to know if I was capable of living my life without seeking any help from others, from You.
But the truth is, I am not as strong as I think I am.
I say the wrong things, I commit many mistakes, I do embarrassing things, I judge people, I fall down, I fail, I cry, I regret. And I am imperfect. I can’t stand alone in my two feet. I can’t control everything around me. I can’t force people to like me, to be impressed by me, to fall in love with me.
Because I am not the best. I am just like everyone else who has fears, worries, insecurities, paranoia, and anxieties. I am no different than all of us. I am also trying to make it through the day. I am also figuring out this life that is given to me. I am also making the most of every situation that I encounter.
And I still need You. I need Your guidance, I need Your light, I need Your love.
I need You to stop me from priding myself with the things that I have achieved in my life. I need You to stop me from forgetting it’s You who put me to where I am right now. I need You to stop me from being overconfident, arrogant, and always so sure about everything.
And I ask You Lord, to wash away my sins. I ask You to hug me with Your presence. I ask You to wipe my tears with your gentle, caring fingers. I ask You to forgive me for all the times that I walked in a different direction, for all my happy moments in which I forgot you, for all the days that I thought I could do everything on my own.
I ask You to welcome me with Your always, open arms.
Because I want to come back to You. I want to be beside You, holding Your hand, knowing that I am safe with Your loving heart. I want You to save me. I want You to bring me back home to Your Kingdom, and to all Your promises. I want to feel that I am Your beloved son and You are my only Father. I want to feel calm and collected, sound and secured, happy and content with Your love.
I want to surrender myself to You.
So please take my broken heart and heal it. Please take my tired soul and cleanse it. Please take my troubled mind and soothe it. Please take my bad days and turn them into lessons.
Please remind me not to walk away from You. Please remind me that I am nothing without You. Please remind me that my life is pointless, and incomplete without You in it, without Your words of enlightenment, without Your light to guide me, without Your love that forever nurtures me.
Please remind me that I can’t live on this earth all alone.
Because I need You, I truly do.