The 32 Best Things About Being An Adult
1. Being able to walk into a grocery store at literally any time of day, walk into the candy aisle, and be like “Don’t mind if I do” while you scoop an entire shelf’s worth of Kit Kats into your cart.
2. Getting to find your own apartment that you can decorate how you like (within reason).
3. Being able to be a kitty/puppy parent. Come on, don’t tell me you’re not constantly fighting the urge to adopt a fuzzy friend who will be basically obligated to love you forever.
4. Having the freedom to go and visit friends you love all by yourself.
5. When you are not able to visit right away, being able to stay up til all hours of the night on the phone/Skype with them.
7. Buying clothes that you enjoy, rather than clothes that your parents insist look good on you but actually make you look like a bean-shaped clown.
8. Getting to date different people and see what you like and don’t like about them, taking your time and knowing that you have a lot to learn from each person you are with.
9. Not having a bedtime, curfew, or authority figure who arbitrarily decides if you are allowed to go out this weekend.
10. Halloween transforming from a sweet holiday where you get to dress up and get free candy from strangers to a sweet holiday where you get to dress up as a sexy DMV employee and make out with strangers.
11. Watching movies with curse words and boobies in them.
12. Getting to go back and hang out with your family in the context of “Just dropping in for a visit,” which means you’ll get lavished with delicious food and attention.
13. Being able to decide what kind of city you want to live in. (Yes, even if it’s a terrible one like Arlington.)
14. Getting to maintain a blog in which you can say ~saucy~ things about your personal life and not fear the repercussions of your parents finding it. (Though keep it from the prying eyes of your employer, if possible.)
15. Deciding exactly when and where you would like to enjoy your next bubble bath.
17. Only having to make your bed when you decide it is a priority that morning — and even then, it had better not conflict with your bowl of cereal time.
18. Being able to wear a tutu whenever your precious little heart desires. (Note: This rule only applies to Carrie Bradshaw, and not actual human beings who have to work for a living.)
19. Finding absurd, impromptu reasons to have a party. “Hey, you guys, everyone needs to come over to my ‘Mitt Romney is a mediocre asshat’ party! Come dressed as your favorite bill he vetoed as governor!”
20. Unlimited access to Toaster Strudels come breakfast time.
21. Engaging in really fancy discussions about adult things like Michel Gondry films and where to buy fresh artisanal cheeses and sex in the missionary position with the lights off and our eyes closed.
22. Being able to stay in coffee shops dicking around on your laptop for as long as you like, provided you buy the occasional muffin.
23. Realizing that your parents lied — that, regardless of whether or not you finished all of your vegetables, you will be able to eat your dessert.
24. Not having some Orwellian parent figure who lingers over you, doling out your allowance sparingly.
25. Having the ability to decide, in the middle of the day, “Hey, I want to go see a movie right now” and doing it.
26. Referring to said movies as “films” because you are CULTURED AS SHIT.
27. Being able to kiss who you want, where you want. (And to take boys/girls into your room and lock the door.)
28. Having the freedom to take a shower that lasts as long as you please and, provided you live alone, takes up all the hot water you could ever dream of.
29. Choosing the kind of music you like to listen to on car rides. (If you have a passenger who wants to override this beautiful adult privilege by changing your music against your will, you kill him.)
30. Getting to dye your hair/tattoo your body/pierce your various folds of skin, no matter how much your mother disapproves.
31. Deciding, on the weekends, exactly when you would like to wake up — and being literally not required to give a single solitary fuck about society until that moment comes.
32. Being able to pursue your interests and hobbies and dreams as a career, if you decide you’re brave enough to take the first step.
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It’s unfortunate, but we’re creatures of habit and we’ll hold onto our convictions until we’re literally forced to stop.
You basically have to walk a perfect straight line at all times in Japan because if you veer off at any moment you will almost definitely get mashed by a Japanese lady on a mamabike with three kids strapped to it.
Come on people, as if other people’s choices of love affected you in the least. Penguins don’t pull this crap on fellow homosexual penguins.
3. You’ve searched Etsy or eBay for a cute and inexpensive fez.