How To Live In Washington DC

Just stop, please!  This is no knock on you Clarissa (well, maybe), but this How To stuff has got to stop!

Wow.  This was a good read.  I live in the DC, my life is much different than the picture you paint but I still see it clearly.  Definitely.

I live in DC and I approve of this post.

I swear to god I was just thinking the exact same thing.

As a DC native, I take umbrage with this. Not to be the typical angry commenter, but the only people who think no one is from DC are the yuppies who shop at Madewell and don't interact with the community at large.

I've worked at nonprofits, and these newbies are all the same. They seek to save the world by working for some benevolent organization that is trying to feed starving African children, but in actuality, they are scared of actual minorities in their own neighborhood. I once heard a guy at one of my urbanism-type nonprofits call a neighoring, Black community “fucking disgusting”, when the organization was devoted to helping these exact same beleagured communities.

Eventually, you'll all leave. Young grads come to DC to take what they can get, and than they go back home to Texas or graduate to the big leagues, fleeing to New York or Chicago. Meanwhile, DC rots, with (until recently) a mayor that ignored the city at large, installing bike lanes for the few while our children are drowning in a failing school system and most can't even buy fresh vegetables in their own neighborhood. (Not that it's your responsibility to save the world or anything…)

I know, I know. Seems bleak.

I'd say How To Live In Washington DC If You are A Holier Than Thou, Entitled, Idealist Hill Intern, yes.

Having lived here for two years now (and having never worked on the Hill).. this is perfect.

The homeless problem in DC is out of control. I always thought Philadelphia was as bad as it gets but damn.

Gotta love seeing an Aston Martin Vantage rev its engine next to a small park packed with bums sleeping at 2PM.

How to be from Washington, DC

Be born in Washington, DC.  Be a helpless infant.  Grow a bit older and
start playing in the park across the street from your parents'
townhouse in Capitol Hill.  Live an idyllic urban childhood until
you're five years old and your parents have another kid.  Move to the
inner suburbs in Maryland.  Visit your parents at work in downtown DC
occasionally.  Experience a typical upper-middle-class suburban
childhood and adolescence.  Attend private school in Tenleytown for
high school, meet richer kids whose families never left the city, watch
your parents get richer.  Venture into Georgetown and Dupont
occasionally, spend a lot of time in Upper Northwest, do occasional
community service projects in then-scarier places like Shaw and Adams
Morgan and Meridian Hill Park.  See a concert or two at the 9:30 Club
and find the neighborhood terrifying.  Go to museums and festivals and
events and the National Zoo.  Spend a summer volunteering for the
National Park Service on the mall.  Go to class with the offspring of
senators and lobbyists and pundits.  Know an astonishing number of
Jewish lawyers.  See Fugazi play at Fort Reno.  Witness four
presidential inaugurations and 9/11 before you're 18.  Spend too much
time at the Bethesda Barnes and Noble.  Root for the Orioles because
there's no one else to root for.

Go to college in New York.  Come back on breaks, do summer
internships in downtown DC, watch your high school friends at Maryland
and GW form coherent social scenes in the city.  Watch gentrification
double the area you're willing to hang out in.  Watch white kids from
Boston and New York and Chicago and California steadily flow into DC
and take over everything while complaining about how it sucks.  Decide
you hate it too, probably because George W. Bush has been reelected. 
Vow to live in New York or abroad for the rest of your life.

Live abroad.  Get into grad school in Chicago.  Spend two years in
Chicago, realize the cold is miserable, realize you don't want to be an
academic, realize that you think it's normal to discuss politics and
global affairs at all times and that the only place this is even
possible is in DC and maybe certain rarified enclaves of New York. 
Realize that growing up in DC made you totally unfit for most other
places.  Drop out of grad school, move back to DC, get dumped by your
psychotic girlfriend, spend a few months living on your parents'
couch.  Find a new internship.  Find new friends.  Risk fiscal
catastrophe to move into Columbia Heights so you can finally give DC a
proper try.

Explore every last neighborhood with your new friends.  Read local
blogs that get you engaged with the city.  Find a real job through
online social networking.  Find an awesome girlfriend through online
social networking.  See your parents a healthy once per week.  See your
old friends now and again.  Run into people you went to high school
with and realize they've been pulled back here as well.  Visit the
suburbs because the food is better and DC doesn't seem as
claustrophobic that way.  Decide DC actually suits you quite well. 
Decide to be proud that you grew up here.  Decide that your nostalgia
for childhood and your gut-level interest in politics make this feel
less like an extended summer internship and more like a real hometown
populated by real people.  Take an interest in the black and immigrant
communities you were segregated from in your childhood and acknowledge
that there actually is a middle class here after all.  Read yet another
blog post explaining that only transient yuppies live here and sigh
loudly.  Realize it's not that hard to render your own personal
experiences in the imperative and present them as a “how to” guide on
the internet.

I don't think I've ever seen a city with such a huge local/visitor divide than Washington DC. I fell in love with the city the first time I found a sushi/hookah/margarita bar, but it is a relentlessly stratified city. Pretty much the definition of “expense account city”.

Like the article, but the editor in me wants to take a red pen to a few paragraphs. Still, this rang true and authentic. Which is all that really matters, I'd venture.

Read the above article. Experience all or most of the things it says. Then move away to reality and get a real job. You article is a fantasy world. The grind here is the same as any other city, big or small. Only twice as expensive.

Get a real job. Live in the city. Get to know the neighborhoods. Surprise, you're living in a city! It's like many other cities. Just not the one you grew up in. Shocking, I know….
Stop interning, or move back home with mom and dad.

This is the problem with How-To-Live guides on TC.. they're written by transplants who've clocked 6-months or less. We hear the painfully stereotypical lifestyle of that city (see: the How To from an Aussie who moved to NYC). I'm all for personal experiences and polar opinions, but please be wary of the pieces title- you're just getting a rise out of the natives and Loozin' your $treet cred.

This is so good.

Any how-to guide on Washington DC without usage of the terms “bamma”, “mambo sauce”, and “go go” is incomplete.

ugh, i'm a dc native and you lost me at maryland suburbs.

Love this…especially the last paragraph.  Nice to get the perspective of someone else from the area.  It reminds people that some of us are actually born and raised around here…and stick around :)

I only started to have DC pride recently.  It's still coming along and I do find people with an obnoxiously large amount of DC pride, fake (and usually transplants).  But yes, a few years ago I decided that the DC area suited me as well.  Probably not forever, but for now.  It will always be my hometown and it's certainly come a long way but it also still has ways to go.  Though living in NYC made me really appreciate DC in ways I never quite understood.

And sometimes, this is also the DC I see.  The one I am tempted to shout about to my idealist Hill working companions who talk about how awesome everything is.

This article and all of it's comments make feel good about fleeing DC for LA.

Don't forget “jont”. I once used this word and “bamma” in casual conversation after moving to LA and received nothing but puzzled looks. I then vowed to purge all DC slang from my brain.
I have yet to meet anyone who can comprehend go-go music outside of the DC area.

As a 4th generation DC native, I find this to be the most heaping and insulting pile of Yuppie/Gentrification bullshyt ever. Whoever wrote this knows nothing substantial of this city.

loved this.

this is the stupidest thing i have ever read….sorry clarissa

Clarissa: you're doing it wrong.
DC Native: You're doing it right!

Its reflecting her experience not yours.

You grew up in DC and only went to a couple shows in northwest, then decided that was terrifying? Get the fuck out. How did you survive New York? And I'm from NoVA.

Damn, I live in D.C.

You've got to be kidding me. Damn, I think I can write.

Also, if you can manage to buy shoes, drawers, food, alcohol, metro and cab fare, and a NEW SUIT for 200 fucking dollars you're doing several things seriously wrong.

Seems to me being a D.C. native gives you the right to be an  ill-mannered SOB.  I enjoyed reading a post that came from a real life experience. Kudos Clarissa!

You need a subtitle like: If You're an Obnoxious Out-of-Town Hill Staffer. I'm sure this has been your genuine experience but it is the experience of a very small segment of the population. It's certainly not representative of people living in the area or even middle class 20 something transplants.

Matt, noooooooooo. This is the privileged whining of a hill intern, who are you?!

And this is exactly why I hated DC interns when I lived there……..

I think some of you may have read too literally into the author's title.  This is just one person's experience in DC and I think she found a way to paint a very clear picture of that experience.  I don't necessarily share all of her perspective, but that's not really the point, is it?

DC Natives can't be so quick to complain about DC transplants that don't understand what DC is all about if you're going to maintain this elite group of those born and bred in the District that NO ONE can penetrate.  Instead of starting out defending “your city” and attacking people for having their perspective, why don't you just share your own.  We don't all have to have the same experience.  We just need to know that there are different experiences and respect them all the same.

White House is two words, not one.  Go back to your pathetic public school.

Fort Reno wasn't terrifying.  I went to my first show at the 9:30 Club in 1999 at age 15, and it was a very different neighborhood than it is today (I now live nearby).

Also, New York is a MUCH safer city than DC and anyone who doesn't know that has no business posting about American cities.  New York is one of the safest big cities in America.  DC is not, and a decade ago it was one of the most dangerous.  Look up some stats.

I don't regard us as an elite group, and most of my friends are transplants.  What annoys me is the stereotype of DC as a city consisting entirely of transplants.   This isn't really true of any other city, except arguably New York.  If you grew up somewhere and then the downtown yuppie crowd consistently presented their experience as the typical one while denying that yours even exists, it would annoy you too.

Anyway, as my last sentence ought to have made clear, I don't regard my experience as any more typical than Clarissa's.  I actually don't mind Clarissa's piece very much, I just wish it had a different title (like “How to Move to Washington, DC”).  It seems like a perfectly representative example of one DC experience, the one that gets written about most often.

I'd say about 90-95% of this article is EXACTLY my experience and the experience of several people I know. And we are NOT yuppies or hipsters. I would venture to say it is the yuppies and hipsters who are hating on this awesome expose of real life in DC.

If that's the case then why didn't she title it “How I Live In DC” instead of presenting this as the end-all, be-all guide to living in the District? This isn't the life I've lived in DC. This isn't the life most of the people I know have lived in DC, whether they were born and raised here or came here as college students/working adults. So please miss me with that bull.

I think that the condescending comments on this post do nothing but prove Clarissa's points. I grew up in DC but have spent the past 8 years in Florida and it is definitely a culture shock. I wouldn't trade living here for anything, but I do agree with many of the points addressed.

Aside from the hateful spirit in some of the comments, a good debate.  Love this city.

Your heartfelt relating of your experience is different from MY experience! Everything you have said is therefore tainted and of no use to ANYONE!  If some people identify with aspects of your experience then they too are IRRELEVANT!  I note a minor inaccuracy in your narrative. You obviously have NO IDEA what you're talking about and are simply another member of a stereotypical group of people I like to bash in comments sections.

This is wonderful — thanks for posting!

To everyone who think the DC natives on the list are the ones being condescending:

For me, the two offending remarks are “Everyone is from somewhere else” and the title, “How to Live in DC”.  Take three seconds and imagine someone writing this about whatever city you grew up in (yes, or just outside of; sorry I didn't stop my parents from moving when I was five, and seriously, how many Thought Catalog readers didn't grow up in the suburbs?).  Now tell me who you think is being condescending.

I'm totally fine with Clarissa sharing her experiences, and they ring true for lots of people.  But it's extremely presumptuous to write off the majority of the area's population, which is not, in fact, transient, and whose experiences are at least as valid as hers.

If you've never lived in this area, you should also realize that DCers tend to be prickly about this sort of thing because despite being the nation's capital, DC is also a colony of the federal government.  We have taxation without representation, and whenever Republicans control the House, they can impose whatever laws they want on our overwhelmingly Democratic city.  Our home rule is a concession they've granted us, and they can take it away anytime (and have, in the past).  On top of this, we have people showing up all the time, hanging out in a handful of neighborhoods, and writing off or insulting the city and the majority of its population.  Plus everyone loves to hate the suburbs, of course (including plenty of people in the city, which I don't entirely fault).  This is not a new thing.

My bottom line is that whether you're living here or just passing through, take the time to get to know this area beyond the same post-college parties you can experience in any other major city, and beyond the federal government.  This is a real place populated by real people.

My experience exactly

Born-and-bred and I laughed at our inpentreable circles.  Our parents were most likely federal employees, contractors, or lawyers, and if they weren't one of those three then they catered to them.  Hill staffers and political appointees tend to stay away from the locals because our “circles” are less political and formed more around the basis of soccer mom-talk, sports, and traffic.  And yes, the so-called inner-circle tends to abhor tourists for a number of reasons (standing on the left of the escalator, anyone?).  We tend to see interns/fellows/new Hill staffers/appointees as one step above tourists because they proudly wear their id badges around as if it means they're someone and in a city where everyone knows someone, it's old and just seems egotistical.  We judge, but we accept that the entire basis for tourism and the transitory staff is also what butters our bread.  In fact, most of us, or our parents, or maybe our parent's parents, were once transitory too.  PS–some of us are even closet Republicans, ouch!

It's true! When I go to Thought Catalog, I expect a complete quantitative sociological analysis of an entire city. And if I don't get it, taxation without representation make it allowable to be anonymously cruel to those who provide us free content! Oh internet, I love you but I'm not IN love with you.

(As another DC native, I say: you go, Clarissa — this was a fun, insightful, nostalgia-inducing read.)

So glad we have a healthy dose of academic egalitarianism at the highest levels of federal government!

Great article!  I had MANY laugh's over this and sent it to my parents.  Don't listen to the negative posters…it was your experience and sounds to me that you are a well grounded individual!  I can relate on many levels of your experience though I never worked on the hill.

Kudos to you dear one!

The only problem I had with the article was that Whitehouse was one word – YIKES.  Other than that – cool!

Paul. (http://dcdiscombobulated.blogs…)

I thought the article was a fun read. I'd just watch my use of the “your”s
(Have your party lose the house and have you’re world flipped upside down.) – Should be “your”

In terms of the criticisms, how can someone who is from DC have the same experience as someone new to the area? If someone has a problem with DC then why does that require someone from there to be offended? Someone else had a different experience than you and if yours was positive, then good for you. Be happy for yourself. Write an article about it.

I actually liked this essay a lot, and wish I had written it. I'm a transplant, and found it very accurate for my experience as well.

well when she says everyone is from somewhere else she is most likely talking about ppl she met, otherwise how would she know? on that point, being a fellow working on capitol hill i would venture to say most of the ppl she met are from somewhere else. secondly how could you be annoyed by that statment then turn around and say New York city is arguably entirely transplant; which is not even close to true.

Believe me, I'm not saying New York is “arguably entirely transplant”.  I'm saying it's another city with a large number of transplants who often disregard people who've lived there their whole lives.  I have quite a lot of relatives who are lifelong New Yorkers, so no, that's not what I meant.  I meant New York natives can relate to this to some extent.  But no one who just moved to, say, Pittsburgh would say that “everyone is from somewhere else”.  It's not true of DC either, and in an article called “how to live in Washington, DC”, it's rather dismissive.

That's exactly what I was thinking. $200 for all that?! Damn.

Just to be clear, when I said DC Natives in my original post, I wasn't referring specifically to you.

I reiterate the point that I don't think she intended the title to be taken literally.  I'm aware of several “How to” guides for DC, which, by the way, I often find quite annoying.  However, I don't think that applies here because I suspect the author was being facetious.

I understand your point that stereotyical DC is often portrayed in the light of yuppie transplants and you're right, that would annoy me if I were a DC native.  It's quite possible I missed it, but I never got the impression that this particular author treats the perspectives and experiences of DC natives in a dismissive manner (unless, of course, you view the title in a literal sense).  It seems to me that you might be treating her experiences in the same dismissive manner with which you take issue. 

I could see if a DC transplant opined the many flaws of this city, but that's not the case.  What difference does it make how long she's been in DC or what perspective she has?  In the end, you both love the same city.

Don't forget the presumption that everyone here works in politics. That's really one of my least favorite things about this city. Hill-staffers and politicos seem to think that life here revolves around them. Thankfully, there's plenty of less self-absorbed people in other professional areas to cavort with. Just don't tell the douchey Congressional coffee-fetchers; might crush their worldview.

Why is this so true…? haha

Woah!  You people are taking the writing WAY too seriously.  How can someone get so offended by such a non-threatening article?  She should have written about the snobby side of DC natives… but then again,she didn't really need to since a great example of their snobby attitude is clearly shown by all of the  negative/bitter/dramatic/judgmental comments from them. Geez…get a life people!

 This was a great and fun article to read!!  I look forward to reading more from Clarissa.   :)

You're an idiot…. and probably just pissed off because you can't get published on this blog.. heh

cute article but pretty naive. i lived in d.c.  years ago. an article like this needs to be written written with a few years' perspective!

Well, people have as much of a right to criticize the content and style of Clarissa's writing, as she has to contribute on the internet.  C'est la vie, isn't it?

I lived there as well and can say while this article may focus a bit harshly on the negatives, it is disturbingly accurate.  and I think anyone who has ever lived there can at least attest to that…

This was a waste of my time –  I don't need 'living' advice from a naive, american, white-bread girl .

wow- what an a-hole you are!

*snooze*

keep your whining in Brooklyn, please

Brooklyn hipsters, please don't delete critical comments. Your knocks on the District are hackneyed.

As a Baltimore native who's been working in DC for several years I can say this wasn't my experience, but it's an incredibly common one. Clarissa has captured the DC neophyte cycle with commendable precision.

Leave Texas out of this!

I loved this article! It's interesting to learn how different people experience DC.

i thought this was so great.  i think this might be my first time posting on any article – but this one really hit home.  i  moved to dc for grad school, and stayed for two years… had my fill.  everything in this article is hilariously right on for someone who has a simliar experience right out of school or at their first job…

i went back to dc for work a couple months ago and had that same feeling, happy i left, but sentimental about no longer living in the center of it all. it was cherry blossom season..

This article is inane and narcissistic. Get an editor and stop bitching.

This is lovely and so true. Thanks for sharing with us. I have emailed it on to all of my friends in the District.

Clarissa – I'm not in politics, but I felt the same way when I first moved to D.C.  I really enjoyed reading this – there are so many details in this post that I can identify with and it's nice to know that at least one other person had a similar experience!  I'm sorry there are people writing such negative comments on your post.  I don't really understand why they're bothering to say anything, as this is obviously about your experience and not theirs.  Their remarks are not going to change your experience, they're not going to change how others view it and it's not like they're getting paid to write a review, so I don't really understand their motives.  If anything, these snooty remarks only support some of the observations you make in your article.  Don't let the criticism get you down.  Keep writing.  Like someone said earlier, they're probably bitter because you have a voice.

@KathleenGambo:disqus Great point…I would love to hear a how-to guide about a city from someone who grew up there and DIDN'T come from an upper middle class, white background…every single story is EXACTLY the same, different city

Can you imagine reading this if you a grew up in DC in a low income neighborhood and have had family ties here for generations?  Does this article in any way guide “How to live in Washington, DC” for these folks?

The problem isn't that she doesn't write well or accurately about her own experience; she certainly does and kudos for that. The issue is that her experience is narrow, but the implication (in the title of the article and in the article itself) is that THIS is how DC is. But it's not. It's one dimensional.

In other words, change the title (How to live in DC out of college), change some language and you're ok.

hahahaha says the yuppie intern who shares a wall with Clarissa.

Ha! She's Mexican, there goes your naive stereotypes

Get a reality check and stopping being such a prick!

I simply love this!

Ya, suck my…. go find it somewhere else ya c*nt.

B*tch it's not true for all, just for a small percentage. It's disconnected, like your brain and spine.. .

I smell a troll.

“Have your party lose the house and have you’re world flipped upside down.” — YOUR world.

I don't see anything about joining a kickball team to make new friends. :)

Really? GET OVER IT.  SO WHAT? she made a few grammatical errors and maybe should have changed the title.. but this is HER experience, not yours! and no one is forcing you to read or even COMMENT on this article.

ok, how about you tell America to re-write history text books for teaching an entirely inaccurate one-dimensional history of how the United States were founded.  Stop being so hypercritical…its just an OPINION!!!

Most controversial Thought Catalog article about a major urban city since that one that defended rape.

Ben's Chili Bowl is not good. I don't understand why it has such a good reputation.

Or maybe I am just bitter because when I lived in DC, I was too poor to eat there. AmeriCorps, represent!

“Real life in DC” coming from someone who probably never crossed the Anacostia River.

“$200 that week on tennis shoes, a plastic drawer set, pad thai, metro
fares, cabs, alcohol, brunch, an umbrella, Tylenol, toothpaste and a new
suit.”
If you can get the above for $200…I want to shop with you.

$30 brunches, making friends you'd never thought you'd make and experiencing your first lonely hook-up are not uniquely DC experiences. Just substitute another city's name in for DC, the trappings of said city's major employment sector for the paragraphs about the political scene and you've described not how to live in Washington DC but “how to live in  [major American city] during your early to mid-twenties.”

Yes, yes, we all read Lorrie Moore's Self Help and wished we could write the way she does.

How many DC natives have crossed the Anacostia?  With the exception of people who missed the Navy Yard stop on the Green line going to a Nat’s game.

This was my thought, i don’t think i own a suit that’s less than 200 and that’s not bragging… i just havent found a suit worth wearing that costs less.

Wow I wish I had that experience when I moved dc.

This article made my decision final, I will be moving to Washington D.C as of March 1st! Thank you!

hello – if you wanted to sell your car or computer, whatever -  — where in DC, other than cragislist would you advertise it?

Great job on this, really nails it.