Thought Catalog

What His Underwear Says About Him

  • 0

I was at a party a few weeks ago when this really attractive guy (he said he was a model) and I started to have an in-depth conversation about men’s underwear – my party-conversation skills are obviously very sophisticated.

He told me that underwear was the most important part of a guy’s outfit, and that he loved to watch his boyfriend walk around their apartment in just his briefs.

That doesn’t sound sanitary, I thought.

The model-guy then went into detail about how he likes to wear black underwear when he wears black clothing, because it makes him feel sexier. “It’s the same as women wearing lingerie,” he said.

I’m old-school – I like Hanes and Fruit of the Loom. To me, underwear is just about functionality and comfort. I don’t care what kind of underwear a guy wears (or lack thereof). I’ve always had the mindset that if a guy wears really expensive or “sexy” underwear, he actually lacks confidence – he makes up for his insecurity by expensively framing the goods. Likewise, boxer briefs and thongs tell a different story. So here’s my break-down of men’s underwear and the type of guy who wears them.

Briefs

Unless they are whitey-tighties, briefs are usually considered the sexiest type of men’s underwear. Briefs hug the waist, accentuate the upper thigh, and increase the front-bulge. Popular brands include: Calvin Klein, 2(x)ist, and Diesel.

Verdict: Brief-wearers may take too much stock in their appearance and could be superficial. They might make for selfish lovers. Conversely, they probably have good hygiene and will compliment your outfit/ lingerie.

Boxers

When I was in high school, boxers were the only thing that the guys in gym wore. Now that I look back, I think it had something to do with the fact that boxers are effectively just another pair of shorts and conceal any bulge (which was important in high school gym class). Boxers are the most uncomfortable things to wear because they bunch up and provide no support.

Verdict: A guy who wears boxers has no direction in life and is stuck in his high school ways. This probably means that he has a high sex-drive and will go on late-night Taco Bell runs for you.

Boxer Briefs

This is the liger of underwear, the hybrid combination. Boxer briefs provide good support, while allowing for just the right amount of fabric. Boxer briefs aren’t usually sexy – they cover the upper thigh, the waistband is usually more forgiving, and they don’t create the desired hammock effect that briefs do.

Verdict: While a no-name pair of boxer briefs may be a sign of confidence, they might also equal a lack of ambition or drive. This underwear may not be the most passionate-type of underwear, but the wearer is probably more prone to cuddling.

Thong/ Jockstrap/ Bikini

Miscellaneous/ exotic underwear is unknown territory for me. I’ve seen it on store shelves and on the internet, but I don’t think I know anyone who wears any of them on a daily basis.

Verdict: The miscellaneous underwear guy might be a little more adventurous in bed or the most inexperienced – yes, this is contradictory, but there is really no way to tell unless you get in bed with them. This underwear is like a grab-bag – you never know what you will get.

Commando

Guys who don’t wear underwear are often considered “gross” or lacking basic hygiene. But don’t judge them right off the bat. The commando-man is probably the least concerned with appearance and might be the most easy-going of them all.

Verdict: The commando-man is hard to read: he could either be a free spirit or just plain lazy/ forgetful. The plus-side to not wearing underwear is that there is one-less step in the undress-process. He probably doesn’t care what you are wearing and won’t take any notice to your after-sex (usually sloppy) appearance. TC mark

image – Alberto Alonso G
Powered by Revcontent

Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection

I used to get butterflies when I looked at you, but now they feel more like maggots feasting away on the heart you slaughtered.

More From Thought Catalog

What His Underwear Says About Him is cataloged in , , , , ,
  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=504951716 Tau Zaman

    Boxers also have that awfully rough hem/stitching right down the front. It’s completely counter-intuitive to put it there so I don’t know why 99% of boxers are like that.

  • Anonymous

    What is this crap? Your take on boxers is ludicrous. “No direction in life”? How old are you? The lack of support is exactly what makes them comfortable. I don’t want my johnson tightly constricted in a hammock. Give it some breathing room, whippersnapper.

    • Megan

      You still wear boxers? How old are YOU?

      • Asdf

        Older than you. Infinitely more mature.

  • http://twitter.com/Flarfer Dave P

    Shirley Manson has a different take on boxers. See #3:

    http://www.garbage.net/garbage/articles/@ten.htm

    Worn boxers ever since. Plus, they are infinitely more comfortable.

  • Guest

    Maybe this should have been what gay dudes underwear says about him?

  • mack

    really? because unless the dude is fucking sculpted, briefs look either incredibly dorky or like my dad.

    • a.

      And frankly, no one wants to be thinking of their dad when they’re peeling underwear off a guy. Ick.

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    Well, that is your name, isn’t it? Calvin Klein? It’s written all over your underwear.

  • byrnsy

    Someone walking around their apartment in his briefs doesn’t sound sanitary to you but commando is fine? Interesting.

  • Nothing

    this article hardly says anything. each entry is either contradictory or inconclusive. I think it would have been more interesting if it got more in depth in its analysis of each type of underwear. 

  • AGayGuy

    I’ve always thought there was too much focus on underwear type and not enough on the specific kind, especially when it comes to briefs. There’s a BIG difference between dorky, 7-for-$6 tighty-whities you can buy at CVS and better quality, lower-rise, more flattering briefs – regardless of if you like briefs or not, they say very different things about the guy in them.  Same with the others – all the styles can look frumpy or nice, depending on how they are cut.

    That said, I like a guy in mid-range; too cheap undies betrays a lack of concern for appearance which doesn’t work unless you are wayyyy sexy, and too expensive or too outrageous of a style says you care too much and probably think you look better than you do.

  • Vnsdml

    I think you meant that briefs ‘accentuate’ the thigh, not ‘extenuate’…

    • Asdf

      Whatever the case may be, they definitely exterminate one’s sperm.

  • Suzy

    “A guy who wears boxers has no direction in life and is stuck in his high school ways. This probably means that he has a high sex-drive and will go on late-night Taco Bell runs for you.”

    YES YES YES. Perfect.

    • Calla

      You know, some of us define love as a “late-night Taco Bell run!”
      I mean that!

      Boxer boys are good. I’ve found boxer briefs to be very self absorbent. Boxer’s are a guy’s guy type of thing… worx4me

    • Megan

      anyone who still wears boxers is very immature

  • Sam

    Glad that the general consensus here is that boxers rule. This guy had me scared for a second.

  • http://www.facebook.com/seikel Steve Seikel

    Dude, commando since grade 5. I am a clean, dressed up motherfucker.  You may not wear sweat pants.

  • Maxwell Smart

    I had no idea that gay men and straight women had such different opinions about underwear. Myself, I am strictly a boxer gal and all my female friends agree that we would be very hesitant about removing any other type of undergarments from the male body.

  • Crzy

    Is it crazy to think that, in most cases, a man’s choice of underwear is a more a reflection of what he finds comfortable than any other personal characteristic or life plan, and that the former has little or nothing to do with the latter?

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    I confess to having a major weak spot for well-fitted boxer briefs. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002517796195 AMomstruth Opened

    Thank you for the giggles! Love your sense of humor. :)

  • Anonymous

    Boxer briefs are by far the sexiest imo. 

    Briefs tend only be worn on 3 types of men: little boys, old men with a gut, or a gay man. None of whom I am looking to get in  their said underwear. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      Hi,  let me introduce myself.  My name is Gregory  Russell Costa and I wear boxer briefs.  I hope that is your only requirement in a man. 

      Sincerely,
      Greg

  • Brandon h

    Boxer briefs are sexy. Anything that artificially highlights your bulge is the male equivalent of the wonder bra and grounds for disqualification.

  • Alice Rezende

    No offense mate, but it sounds like you plagiarized this a little. http://eggsdontcry.blogspot.com/2010/07/everything-you-wanted-to-know-about.html 

    • Alice Rezende

      perhaps plagiarized is a touch too strong. my article still reins supreme.

      • Greta Simons

        WHERE is the plagiarism?? Anybody can write about underwear. It’s not like this writer copied the blog word for word or idea for idea. Or even come close to imitation. Writing about underwear isn’t the most original but the blog didn’t come up with the idea. Seriously…don’t think too highly of yourself.

      • Alice Rezende

        people r so angry in the internets like viral road rage like geez omg

      • Alice Rezende

        people r so angry in the internets like viral road rage like geez omg

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

        I especially like the zero retweets of your article there are, Alice. That’s a sure sign of quality.

      • guesty

        because retweets just run the world don’t they

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

        If someone’s article “reigns supreme”, I expect at least some action. A retweet or Facebook like. This is the internet age, Chels, get with it.

  • Thisarticlesucks

    This is some Cosmopolitan Magazine shit

    • Hh

      lol

  • Shklfrd

    Briefs (of the non-tight-and-white variety) feel sexy, but your junk needs room to breathe. My boyfrien and I usually change into boxers before going to sleep.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

    My man wears nothing but superhero themed boxer briefs and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  • http://twitter.com/kyleangeletti Kyle Angeletti

    Super insightful. 

  • Chels

    I think I just lost brain cells

blog comments powered by Disqus