26. When she threatens you with bodily harm.
“Threatening you with bodily harm. Doesn’t have to be with a knife, but my father has a scar that he claims is from that exact thing. He was a cop, so he ended up actually pulling a gun on her to get out of there in one piece. Long story short: If she threatens to make you bleed, it’s time for you to leave.”
27. When she’s dramatic.
“Whatever the cause: drama. One great thing about Facebook is that it lets folks vet members of the opposite sex for dramatic tendencies. Those who have ’em can’t seem to help putting them on display for the world to see.”
28. When she watches reality TV.
“Reality TV shows.”
29. When she gets angry at you for her own paranoid fantasies.
“I had an ex who was mad at me for like two days because she realized that we had been dating for a while, and if we kept dating then someday we might get engaged, and if we get engaged then I might have a bachelor party, and if I have a bachelor party then there might be strippers, and she doesn’t like strippers so I’m an asshole.”
30. When she hates all of the other girls in your life that aren’t her.
“When she hates all of the other girls in your life that aren’t her. When she hates other girls simply because they’re girls.”