Instead of wasting time thinking about all the ways in which you will never outrun your past or the worst parts of yourself, spend it loving the people who do love you in your brokenness, who know you have been ugly and still choose to see you as beautiful.
Feel whatever feelings you need to because you have earned at least that. Feel what comes to you in the moment and promise me that when you are done, you will say/write/sing/scream, “It was not my fault.”
The only sure thing about life is that it is in constant motion; days pass, seasons change, people leave. Sometimes people are taken from us, and sometimes they choose to walk away.