“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves…and when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself… the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other’s sight, as I may say, even for a moment…” – Plato, The Symposium
“Twin flames” are said to be two halves of one soul. Each half possesses the same energetic “signature.” They are destined to meet and experience an inexplicable, sacred connection when they do. They are usually brought together for a greater purpose and mission; brought together, twin flames are more powerful and able to change the world with their combined gifts. The concept of twin flames has become quite popular in new age and spiritual communities and it is one definitely worth taking a second look at.
Whether you believe in the idea of twin flames or not, it’s important to distinguish between what could be a twin flame-like relationship and what is actually a false twin flame connection.
I find that this concept gets misused at times to tolerate mistreatment, sometimes even abuse, or to dismiss outright incompatibility. Indeed, many toxic predators exploit the “twin flame” idea to meet their own needs and guilt their victims into staying in the relationship.
Here are five powerful differences between meeting a true twin flame and the false twin flame connection that we often experience with toxic people:
1. Your true twin flame will be perfectly in sync with you; they are your destiny and you are theirs. Your false twin flame will appear to be your “perfect mirror” at the beginning – until they reveal their true self.
Twin flames are said to be mirror each other physically, emotionally and spiritually. Meeting a true twin flame can feel like meeting your perfect half, as if you’ve known each other your whole lives, even if you’ve just met. It’s as if you’ve known each other from many different lifetimes – and your connection from the onset is downright electric. You finish each other’s sentences, know what the other is feeling or thinking, and are perfectly aligned in a way that might astonish even the most cynical of onlookers.
You may have even crossed paths in other serendipitous ways – it’s common for twin flames to be at the same place and the same time without directly meeting (such as living in the same building, being at the same event, or going to the same college), or even showing up in each other’s dreams prior to meeting at all.
“I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…in life after life, in age after age, forever.” — Rabindranath Tagore
However, if you’re with a false twin flame or con artist such as a narcissist, they can manufacture this “mirroring” and fabricate the “soulmate” effect by pretending to share your same values, interests, hobbies, and passions to get you hooked initially. This is known as idealization, love-bombing and grooming, and it’s quite different from actually meeting someone who genuinely resonates with you on a soul level. Unlike a predatory individual, a true twin flame or even soulmate is someone who is authentically similar to you and will remain that way in the long-term, no matter what the status of your relationship.
2. Your true twin flame will cause you to grow in healthy ways; your false twin flame will destroy you and cause you to self-destruct.
While a true twin flame will feel like a safe haven, somewhere you can go for emotional shelter, your false twin flame will feel like an (albeit alluring) danger zone. With the latter, you’re perpetually walking on eggshells, biting your nails in anxiety, while with the former, you’re thrust into constructive self-examination and mutual growth.
While it’s common for a journey with a twin flame to be somewhat tumultuous in that egos are being purged and traumas are surfacing to be healed, a true twin flame will never purposely set out to hurt you. A false twin flame, on the other hand, may deliberately create chaos in your life by gaslighting you, stonewalling you, provoking you and taunting you. They won’t have much empathy for your needs and they will subject you to unnecessary and excessive trauma.
A true twin flame will cherish you even if they challenge you. You will feel comforted in the presence of a true twin flame, as if your soul has finally reached home after a long and arduous journey.
“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” — Rumi
3. In a twin flame relationship, it’s common for there to be a chaser and a runner and for the roles to be reversed occasionally. However, in a false twin flame relationship, you’re always the one doing the chasing – and the person on the other end can’t be caught because they don’t really exist.
The famous “runner-chaser” dynamic in a twin flame relationship is what causes a lot of confusion between true twin flames and false ones. Due to the intensity of the twin flame connection, it’s common for one or even both of the twin flames to run in the other direction because meeting them is like confronting all of your own weaknesses, wounds and even the strength of your own power – all reflected back to you.
Yet in a false twin flame connection, your wounds and weaknesses are used against you to make you chase after them in a race that will never end. This dynamic is embedded in a larger cycle or toxicity were the narcissistic partner gives you crumbs to keep your hope alive, all while subjecting you to numerous betrayals and transgressions. The person you’re chasing is someone who does not exist – he or she is a black hole, a void, an empty mask with nothing underneath.
4. With a true twin flame, your greater mission in this life will become clearer. A false twin flame may act as a catalyst for your mission, but in order to move forward with your purpose, you’ll have to let them go.
A true twin flame merges with you on your mission – whatever that may be. Twin flames are the ultimate “power couple” in that where one is weak, the other is strong – so their combined gifts and talents are a strong force in the world that can create massive change and influence. A false twin flame holds you back from your dreams and goals, isolating you, demeaning you, and undermining you so they don’t lose control of you.
In order to clear the path to achieve your dreams, you’ll eventually have to let the false twin flame go at some point. The life lessons you’ve had with them will have already served as the catalyst to your greater purpose by “purging” you and bringing up unhealed wounds. To hang onto a false twin flame beyond the expiration date of the relationship will hinder you and your dreams, not help you.
A true twin flame, on the other hand, will make you feel like anything and everything is possible – they will encourage you to achieve greater heights, with or without them. They are designed to be your perfect counterpart – the person who will inspire you towards great personal growth. The experiences you share with them will give you life lessons that remind you of your own divinity rather than detract from it. They will contribute to your mission and you will find yourself achieving more together than you ever did when apart.
5. A false twin flame’s exit from your life clears the path to your true destiny; your true twin flame is your destiny – and union with them brings great joy, unconditional love and clarity, not confusion.
Although some theories state that twin flames aren’t always necessarily meant to be in a romantic commitment, when true twin flames do come into true union after a period of separation, it is a union of perfect clarity and peace. The love between you two will be unconditional, but it won’t have to be – you won’t have to put in effort to make them decent people because they already are. The unconditional love between you both is a bond that you honor as sacred – whether it is platonic or romantic. Simply put, your life is happier with them in it because you’ve both already done the inner work to heal when you are finally united once more.
“Our universe grants every soul a twin – a reflection of themselves – the kindred spirit – and no matter where they are or how far away they are from each other – even if they are in different dimensions, they will always find one another. This is destiny; this is love.” – Julie Dillion
The false twin flame, on the other hand, is usually incapable of this form of inner work and growth. Their demand for unconditional love is one based on their own personal interest; they just want you to tolerate their mistreatment in the name of love. Thankfully, their exit from your life is said to clear the path for your true twin flame, your true other half to enter. The way you feel around a true twin flame is that you will feel assured of your own worthiness – not constantly questioning your worth. A true twin flame will teach you unconditional love, but in the right way. In a true twin flame relationship, you will also be encouraged to love yourself just as you love the other. This is the type of love that will cause you to expand, not shrink.