10 Things Guys Are Afraid To Bring Up (But Are Secretly Dying To Talk About)

We look at the opposite gender like a puzzle, as we are so curiously trying to make sense of the other. However, we are more alike than we are different. Read on to better understand the things that guys are afraid to bring up, but secretly want to talk about anyway:

1. What Actually Feels Good

It’s easy for guys to tell their friends that they know exactly what you like, however sometimes they aren’t actually getting it. Start by asking them what they like in bed and then steer the conversation to talk about what you like as well.

2. Intricacies Of Your Reproductive Parts

From a heteronormative standpoint, some men often feel confused and overwhelmed by the reproductive system of their partner. However, this doesn’t mean that they aren’t curious. It just may mean they don’t know what to ask in the first place. Many sex education lessons have failed young children, so be patient and help normalize female reproductive parts and processes.

3. Preferences

Penis envy and penis fixation are integral parts of puberty and maturation. Yet during sex, penis size rarely is a huge issue. The bigger issue is usually the person attached to the penis. By openly talking about your middle parts (penis and/or vagina), you can both normalize and embrace your parts as they are.

4. Fears — No, Not Just Spiders

Other than the usual suspects of snakes and spiders, everyone has fears instilled deep within. However, talking through fears can make a person vulnerable. Vulnerability and the socially constructed idea of masculinity don’t always go hand-in-hand. Fears like infertility, not being happy, or abandonment can manifest within literally anyone. Show the men in your life that it’s okay to have these conversations and it’s okay to openly communicate these fears.

5. Performance Anxiety

In bed, there is a expectation to perform and act a certain way. Women reportedly want to be swept off of their feet and men are expected to do the sweeping. Take the time to talk to the guy in your life and work to smooth out these anxieties. Figure out ways that you can both do the sweeping and even out the acts of the performance.

6. The Realistic And Unrealistic Aspects Of Porn

In a sense, porn is the fast food of our sexual appetite. Not all porn is bad, but in most cases it is utterly misleading. Many men fantasize and fetishize porn as a high form of sexiness. In return, they work to bring aspects of porn into their relationships to seem more confident, experienced, and attractive. While this doesn’t have to be a bad thing, it can create unrealistic expectations in the bedroom. It’s important your chats help normalize sex and help to distinguish both the realistic and unrealistic aspects of porn.

7. Troubles

While not everyone feels comfortable opening up during challenging times, many men choose to internally process their struggles rather than actually discuss them. Whether these troubles be mental, emotional, or physical, they tend to be hidden and guarded. As with many things, taboos such as mental health need to start becoming normalized. You can work to normalize these anxieties and concerns by asking the men in your life if they are happy, what makes them happy, or how they feel. 

8. Body Image

Yes, it is true. Despite what any teenage girl tells you, men also experience body image issues. The unyielding desire to be attractive has created obsessions around muscles, chest definition, and the beloved jaw line. While some men don’t typically spend time chatting with their friends about their physical insecurities, it doesn’t mean that they don’t have them. If you feel comfortable talking about your body image issues, start to open the conversation and talk to guys about theirs as well.

9. Endogenous Zones

The mystery surrounding the female body is one that has continually been stumping men. You would think that the Internet would change things right? From a heteronormative standpoint, men often ignore key endogenous zones in women and women often ignore key endogenous zones in men. In a world focused on sex organs, many key zones go unnoticed and in turn are not stimulated. Take the time to understand the key endogenous zones of your partner and communicate if/if not that zone is actually stimulating.

10. Words of Affirmation

While some men are vocal about this, not all show how much they appreciate words of affirmation. There is a weird metaphorical wall that prevents some men from showing outward gratitude and emotion when they are told they are loved, appreciated, and valued. Women are stereotyped to love being complimented and praised. Whereas men tend to be more focused on physical acts of gratitude, rather than verbal appreciation. Try verbalizing why you care about the guy in your life and have him work on articulating the same (or talk through difficulties of verbally expressing feelings and emotions). TC mark

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I can pop my shoulders in and out of their sockets. Follow Sam on Instagram or read more articles from Sam on Thought Catalog.