A few weeks ago, I went on a Tinder date. It was a disaster. He was a very short and very gay (my gaydar is uncanny) chemistry major. Not even halfway through the date, we were both so clearly disinterested that we just kind of gave up. One very simple question he asked me, however, left me thinking for days after.
“So, what do you like to do for fun?”
What the fuck do I like to do for fun? I rattled off a couple of mundane, boring activities that are supposed to be fun to get him off my back. “Am I not fun? Do I have fun? What is fun?” I asked myself. To regain my sanity and reassure myself that I know what fun is, I made a list of fun things I like to do.
Feel free to use any of these in your next job interview or on your next Tinder date.
1. Pick flowers.
2. Play tag.
3. Have staring contests.
4. See how many knots I can tie in a blade of grass; my record is 5.
5. Read cookbooks; my favorite is The Ultimate Cookie Cookbook by Barbara Grunes.
7. See how many swigs of seltzer I can take before my throat feels like it’s being dissolved
in acid; it’s usually about 4.
8. Tell my mom she’s turning into my grandma; the fun part is seeing her reaction.
9. Call people out on their shit to see how defensive they get.
10. Similar to #9, tell a privileged white boy his joke was actually really offensive and count
how many seconds he says “woooooooow” for.
11. Peel my nail polish off my nail in a single piece.
12. Flirt shamelessly with people I know I’ll never see again; bonus points if I use “you have
like, really nice teeth.”
13. Flirt with cute little old men, especially if I know I’m going to see them again.
14. Do cartwheels.
15. Play “One Bite Or You’re a Wimp”, a game created by one of my best friends that’s
literally exactly what it sounds like.
16. Pick the seeds out of a strawberry.
17. Pop other people’s back pimples; blackheads are my vice.
18. Pluck pretty much all of my eyebrow hairs out to try and resemble Christina Aguilera
circa 2002; true story.
19. Pop blisters with a pin instead of peeling the layer of dead skin off so I can watch the
liquid come out in a steady stream.
20. Get down to Avril Lavigne with my angsty self.
21. Stalk myself on Instagram.
22. Drive a good 15 miles over the speed limit when there’s a lot of people around.
23. ZUMBA; arguably better than sex.
24. Put on a shit ton of makeup on days when I know I won’t be leaving the house.
25. Ask my little brother over and over if he has a girlfriend until he punches me and/or
26. Seriously consider what I’m going to name my children; I might even whip out my phone
and create a new “bb names” list in my notes.
27. FaceTime my mom when she’s one room over because I just love seeing her beautiful
face so much but I’m also a human sloth.
28. Dance to Beyonce; no explanation necessary.
29. Tell people about how my pinky toes don’t grow nails.
31. Get baked.
32. Masturbate; you can never go wrong with this one.