Almost relationships are these toxic half-way situations which no one voluntarily puts themselves in. They are the black hole for those hopeless romantics who believe a guy when they tell them they just “aren’t ready for a relationship” but will be “soon.” They are the non-label, commitment free, safety net for men who want to have their cake and eat it too.
But for the girl, for the one who waits patiently for that question which will never come and the answer which hasn’t even been considered, it is like constantly having “goodbye” at the tip of her tongue. It is feeling everything all at once and being too afraid to let any of it leave her lips in case it isn’t reciprocated. It is forever feeling in limbo, it is rejecting any other male who shows interest, it is throwing away better opportunities and watching her phone for a text which only ever comes at midnight. It is craving dates during sunlight and slipping her hand into his in front of his friends. It is the quiet pleasure of relationship status on social media and being able to introduce him as her boyfriend.
It is accepting less than she deserves, it is false hope, it is growing used to disappointment and never knowing any better.
But wonderful guy, know this, when she finally lets go, when she comes to her senses and realises she deserves someone better, someone like you, she will love you with everything she has.
She will never grow tired of being able to tell you what’s going on in her heart, she will never stop wanting to text you randomly throughout the day when you are both at work, just to let you know she’s thinking of you. She will jump at any opportunity just to show you how much you mean to her, she will always find a way to bring your worlds together, to sit in quiet euphoria as you eat dinner with her family and joke with her dad. She will invite you to every party with her friends and never let go of your hand.
She will curl her body around yours as you find sleep, and run her fingers through your hair, and think to herself how lucky she is to have found someone who loves her back in all of the ways she loves him. She will thank the universe for bringing her to you, for being able to feel, for the first time in her life, like she is on steady ground.
She will never play games with you; she will never make you guess about how she is feeling. She will tell you when she is mad or upset or just feeling confused by life and all of its infinite mysteries. She will let you in, even on the days when she wants to be alone, she will choose to have you there, because she promised herself she would never have something half way again, because when she met you, when you gave her something as small and insignificant as a label, she made sure that she would be the best version of a girlfriend she could be. She would give you everything.
She has had enough of almost, of not quite, of barely hanging on by her fingertips, of always second guessing, of over-analyzing, of having to shove her feelings into a tiny box and bury it far out of sight. She is over loving someone who will never love her back, of accepting a non-label, of knowing that he is probably out there flirting with other women, sleeping around and keeping his options open because he can, she is done with pretending it doesn’t hurt, of shaking it off, of living with that constant aching feeling that she is not enough, is not worthy, does not deserve something real and honest and complete.
She wants you, the full package, the over dramatic declarations of love and making out on street corners and telling anyone who will listen that she loves you and you love her back and this is really it this time.
Because girls who have suffered through almost relationships have spent far too long hiding their heart, denying it what it deserves, masking their vulnerability and desires. They have had an entire world of regret, of looking back, of asking themselves why love has to be so damned painful all of the time.
These girls, they know how to love furiously and passionately and chaotically, they know that sometimes love is not what it had promised to be, sometimes it isn’t even close.
But sometimes, just sometimes, its more than they ever could have imagined, its you, and they will love you in a way you never could have dreamed or expected, they will love you in all of the ways they crave to be loved.