Thought Catalog

Honestly, ‘Seeing Someone’ Is Bullshit

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Pablo Heimplatz

‘Seeing’ someone is just another bullshit term people use to skip out on the real, scary, commitment stuff which terrifies them. It’s another semi-label to hide behind when people want to have their cake and eat it too. It’s a get out jail free card when you cause someone pain, when you want all of the romantic, relationship type stuff and to be able to text, flirt and even have sex with other girls. It’s having one foot over the line and the other ready to run.

It’s always being able to leave, to ghost or any number of hurtful things without being accused of anything terrible because, ‘we weren’t even in a serious relationship.’

It’s being able to lie to her face and then push the guilt deep down inside of you because “technically” you two aren’t together. “Technically” she isn’t your girlfriend. “Technically” you don’t owe her honesty.

But that’s crap- you know it. She knows it.

You know how your actions will make her feel, even if you haven’t put a label on what you are, you know that you are more than just dating, you know that it’s different with her, you know ‘casual hook-ups’ don’t involve holding her when she drifts off to sleep or meeting her family.

There is no need to brand something you have with another person as ‘seeing.’ It doesn’t mean anything. You either want to be with someone, or you don’t. You’re either in or you’re out.

And guys, if you’re unsure then leave. Go. Don’t waste anymore of this girl’s time.

Don’t entertain her fantasies of the two of you by going on romantic dates with her; don’t win her a teddy at the carnival or slip your hand into hers at the zoo and whisper how beautiful she is. Don’t give her false hope if you’re just going to make-out another random girl at a bar that night. Don’t text her good morning and good night; don’t ask her about her day if you’re also messaging other girls on social media, liking their photos and scrolling tinder every few minutes. Don’t spend whole weekends with her, learning about her and opening up to her, if you’re just going to break her.

Because, silly boy, she already loves you. She is so in, it’s embarrassing. She dreams of the day you will finally ask her to be your girlfriend and she doesn’t even look at other men anymore. She wants you, just you. And even though she won’t admit it, she hopes you feel the same. She hopes all of the dates and the kisses and the nights she falls asleep on your chest, mean the world to you too.

So don’t keep answering her ‘what are we?’ with ‘we are heading somewhere serious.’ Don’t keep telling her you aren’t ready for something real but continuing to treat her like your girlfriend or getting jealous when she talks to her male friends.

Don’t play the part if you aren’t sure. Don’t fuck with her heart. Don’t keep her hanging on.

Be with her or don’t be. But don’t be that guy who stays in the grey area, who likes the way she makes him feel but will happily sleep with any other semi-attractive female who flirts with him.

Don’t promise to be open and honest about this phase of the relationship and hide all of the other women you’re messing around with behind her back.

Don’t become official and then lie about everything which happened before. Don’t break her trust before you even have it.

Because she deserves someone who knows what they want. She deserves the chase. She deserves to feel like no one else will ever catch your eye. She deserves to know that even if you are a little scared, even if your previous relationships has ended terribly and you want to take things slow, that you are sure about her. That you don’t want anyone else.

She deserves a relationship, not to be ‘seeing someone.’

She deserves someone who knows what an amazing thing they have. She deserves so much more than what you are giving her.

So decide, take the leap. TC mark

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