There’s nothing better than snow in December. It gives you that Christmas feeling and makes the houses decorated in lights and decorations look like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting. Then there’s snow once the new year begins. Christmas is over and it’s not magical anymore. It’s just debris falling from the sky that traps you in your home like some awful, frigid kidnapper. If you’re stuck inside because of the weather, it’s easy to start getting a little restless as you begin to relate to the feelings of Jack Torrance. Here’s a list of movies that are familiar, yet entertaining enough to help get you through a polar vortex without losing your mind.
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER
Nothing passes the time away like watching the most beautiful 20-somethings from the ‘90s battle a crazed fisherman who hunts down his victims with a hook. Whatever you do, don’t watch the awful sequels. Yes, that includes part two where Jack Black is a drug dealer with awful dreadlocks and a bad accent.
I don’t know any other movie that defines my teenage years quite like The Faculty. The plot of the movie is simple enough, as aliens are taking over the world starting with high school teachers. It’s up to Josh Hartnett and Elijah Wood to save the world from evil forces like Usher, Salma Hayek and Jon Stewart.
PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES
I would watch a movie that’s nothing but documented footage of John Candy driving around in his personal car, so adding Steve Martin into the mix is obviously a dream come true. I think it’s safe to say that if you don’t enjoy this movie, you’re some sort of monster.
If I’m stuck inside, I don’t want a comedy that gets super serious for the final act. I need a distraction from this polar abyss. You definitely don’t have to worry about Zoolander getting serious at any point. The best part about it is that it’s still hilarious after all these years.
I love this movie so much that I choose to look past that ridiculous scene before Jamie Lee Curtis does her striptease. By using only plant water, dollar store lipstick, and brute strength, she transforms from a human tulip into a high-end prostitute.
Do I really need to explain why Home Alone is a perfect snow day movie? If you don’t feel like watching the entire thing, here’s a condensed version reenacted by pug puppies!
Even if a pre-Tom Cruise, post-Dawson’s Creek emo Katie Holmes doesn’t interest you, The Flys “Got You Where I Want You” song during the closing credits will make you forget about the subzero temperatures for a good 4 minutes.
If we’re talking about a serious blizzard where you aren’t leaving the house for days, then skip the 90-minute movies and go straight to the most glorious 8-movie marathon possible. By the time you’re done watching all of them, the snow should be melted and you won’t have to worry about shoveling your driveway. That’s a victory.
This is the perfect time to watch your favorite horror movies because it’s so cold outside there’s no way any murderer would deal with that weather to try and kill you. Plus, snow leaves footprints so you have nothing to fear whatsoever. Well, unless your heat goes out, then you’re in trouble.
Drake’s “Started From The Bottom” is basically a summary of The Jerk. Steve Martin rises from poverty to mogul in the most hilarious way possible and will remind you of simpler times, before filling up your car with gas required a small loan.
Let Robin Williams and his frosting covered face entertain you during these frigid days. If you’re really, and I mean really, hard up for entertainment, try to recreate his costumes and scare the crap out of your neighbor’s kids.
At least if you lived in the Beetlejuice house, you would have something to do right now. Sure that activity would include fighting for your life, but at least it’s cardio exercise, right?
Let your mind drift far away from the artic tundra outside and into a lovely time before Lindsay Lohan was a punchline. It’s an excuse to watch Mean Girls, so take advantage of it as soon as possible.
You’re stuck doing the same thing over and over every day until the earth thaws out, so why not enjoy Bill Murray being highly entertaining while living the same day over and over? Maybe you could follow his lead and learn to play an instrument or something?
Maybe it’s time to stop fighting the urge to snap and just embrace it. You’re stuck in a glorified igloo and enough is enough. Write the same thing on a typewriter 1000 times and then run outside through a frozen maze. This is living!