Latest Articles

Other Places We Found Love

At H&M, but it wasn’t in our size because — we really think — people hide the popular-sized love in other sections of the store so they can come back and get it later when it’s on sale.

Writing Advice From Martin Amis

Yesterday, Amis showed up to my English class unannounced. Here, without commentary, are the remarks he made on the creative process and several suggestions he had for young writers.

A Message From Snooki's Unborn Child

Why couldn’t I have just been Blue Ivy, dammit?! I was so close. You know what? Maybe we should just break up. I’ll live inside of you for nine months and then we’ll just go our separate ways. I’ll come out of your vagina, take one look at you, and crawl out of the hospital myself.

When Am I Going To Come Of Age?

At the beginning of the story, a young man is callow, unable to achieve his goals. By the tale’s conclusion, he has surmounted his obstacles and completed his heroic journey. Everyone likes him better, and he gets to do more making out and high-fiving. It all seems very appealing. So when do I get to come of age?

5 Things You Should Do On A Leap Day

What you do on a leap day doesn’t count. The people you meet and the experiences you have today aren’t real. If you take a picture of yourself on a leap day, your face will come out looking faded like in that movie The Ring!

I Don’t Know How Mail Works

I did not understand how mail worked because I hadn’t sent a letter since the one I wrote to The Goosebumps Fan Club Newsletter in elementary school. I applied to college online; I paid rent and utility bills online; I sent ecards, evites, and emails, but never actual physical mail.

An Apology To Britney Spears

When I experienced that blast from your past called “I’m insaneeeeee, help meeeeee” this afternoon, that picture wasn’t telling the story of a pop star acting crazy for attention. Instead it was showing me a 20-something person who was really overwhelmed and clearly having a nervous breakdown. And today I realized: I’ve been there.

5 Things You Should Always Remember About The '90s

Before there was the CW, we had The WB — a channel that produced much of the teen programming in the late ’90s. Without its existence, the world wouldn’t have been introduced to psychos like Felicity Porter and Dawson Leery, which would’ve been a very sad, no good, terrible thing.

A Non-Exhaustive List Of Roommates You Might Endure In Your 20s

The Impressive Mess has a respectable job and a burgeoning addiction to pretty much every substance and vice known to man. They hold it together in the public eye, but since you have a front row seat to their E! True Hollywood Story you’re aware that their private life is essentially a montage of wanton drug use and causal sex with married strangers.

Remember These Childhood Books?

Jan Berenstain, co-creator of the Berenstain Bears children’s book series, died last Friday of a stroke. Just two days earlier she had been working on two new books with her son, Michael Berenstain, who has been her co-author recently.

5 Unlikely Fashion Icons

When she discovers she has HIV, she embarks on a frantic search around New York City to break the news to her one and only sexual partner. There’s something so simple about her look in this film. It’s youthful and a little sad, just like her character.

A Complete Idiot's Guide To The Pharmacy

After the Depression ended, physicians got wind of these businesses and they lobbied Congress to pass a law forbidding farmers to sell medicine. Many Farmacies closed down, but those that remained were transferred to physician-owners thus giving birth to, “Pharmacies.”

Wherever You Go, There You Are

I know the conventional wisdom on this, that you find love when you stop looking, and get pregnant when you begin adoption proceedings, and lose weight when you learn to love the crappy body you have. That if you write down the name of your greatest fear and burn it in a smoldering fire spiked with sage, you will be free.

Never Pay For A Cab This Way If You Can Help It

When the doctor showed up he didn’t say anything till after he’d looked in my eyes, then he asked how I felt, which was, other than a little grogginess and the aforementioned throat pain, fine. Then the doctor looked at me steadily and said, “Your girlfriend’s here. Do you want to see her?”

3 Notable Instances Of Self-Surgery In Recent History

There’s something innately uncomfortable about imagining the inside of your own body. This discomfort is probably connected to a general evolutionary rule that says that seeing the inside of yourself probably means you’re seriously injured or dying, which is a pretty logical maxim, and a legitimate cause for panic. I think we’re also inherently intrigued by accounts of people who’ve mutilated themselves in an attempt to escape a desperate situation — self-surgery.

What We Talk About When We Talk About…

My grandfather was good friends with Carver during his lifetime. Although they were not able to visit each other often, they wrote to each other extensively. I had heard snippets about their relationship in passing, but had never been presented with any evidentiary support. This, however, has recently changed.

Why You Can't Make Your Ex Fall In Love With You Again

You learn a lot about people and their ability to disengage when you get your heartbroken. But I would venture to say that you learn even more when you break someone else’s heart. That’s when it all becomes clear and you’re finally able to get over that one person who stopped loving you. Because now you know the secret. Now you know how random it all is. It’s a scary truth to realize.

An Open Letter to Myself

I, perhaps more than anyone, know about your inability to take advice or criticism from somebody other than yourself. Thus, there is nobody better suited for writing you this open letter than me. Why an open letter? Because I am well aware of your need for external validation.

Just Like A Movie

And just when I think we’re reading from two different scripts, our hands meet blindly, neatly. They clasp without hesitation, never questioning for a second that they’re where they belong — these knuckles and joints and nails.

A Recap Of The Oscars: Starring Angelina Jolie's Starving Right Leg

The Oscars are a night of glamour, glitz, and utter boredom. I was particularly dreading them this year since most of my favorites got snubbed (Shailene Woodley in The Descendants, Albert Brooks in Drive, Ryan Gosling’s body in Crazy Stupid Love). But, as they say, the show must go on, so I plopped down on my couch with approximately 3.5 orders of nachos from San Loco and waited to see what steaming pile of crap Hollywood was going to deliver tonight.

Feeling Like A Fake In The Big City

I live in Paris, as it happens, but it could be anywhere. I’ve seen it elsewhere. Not only do we have the universal force of advertisements and entertainment showing us exactly what beautiful looks like and how to attain it — with the right amount of time and money, of course — but we get to cross hundreds of women a day who simply embody it.

Doing Drugs With Damien Hirst

Now, Hirst is at it again with “The Complete Spot Paintings: 1986-2011,” a simultaneous, international exhibition currently on show at Gagosian, the high-end, New York-based contemporary art gallery with a global footprint. The “Spot” paintings are part of a cycle of works begun in 1986, and though as many as 1500 “Spot” paintings currently exist, they are intended to be an endless cycle.

A Note On Lady Bloggers

But the mission of these female-interest publications does not exist unchallenged. In her n+1 article, “So Many Feelings,” writer Molly Fischer broached the question: what happens when female-interest blogs (and all publications for that matter) break with their espoused ideology in favor of being honest?

What Sunday Is For

In case you were wondering, the people that you know who use their Sunday afternoons to do all of their errand running, train for that 5K, bake a soufflé they saw on The Food Network, and finally get started on their novel — those people are not humans…

The Best Speech Ever, Ever

If a person grits his teeth and shows real determination, failure is not an option — that’s how winning is done! Believe me when I say we can break this army here, and win just one… for the Gipper.

Things I Felt Bad About As A Child

I was jealous every time a classmate broke a limb or changed the color of the bands on their braces. I wanted their apartments, their pets, their magazine subscriptions, their divorced parents, the lunches their divorced parents packed for them.

I Didn't Know How To Play When I Was A Kid

This was weird and confusing to me: there was a time and place in a fifth-grader’s world where reading was forbidden. And even more weird and confusing was my uncertainty of “how to play” — at least in a manner that seemed inoffensive and similar enough to the ways that I saw other kids doing it.

The Different Ways You Avoid People

Post internship, if you run into your old boss, it probably won’t be any different. You may have regularly picked up their lunch and ran too many of their personal errands, but chances are after they wrote you that recommendation they aren’t expected to remember what you look like, let alone say “hi.”

The Terrifying Reality Of Asthma

As Shadid was about to meet his end via a seizure of the breathing passages, I was rummaging through various bar couches and lost-and-found bins, hoping someone, somewhere, had found this thing and put it aside.

Yoga Apology

Perhaps a less sad man, or better person, would honor yoga by restraining himself from the exact petty ties of pedestrian vulgarity from which practitioners attempt to escape through this very practice.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas Franzen Foer

On my way out, I was told I’d been banned from the Arclight for life, which I felt was acceptable, as they charge too much and people talk during the movies anyway. It was more important that I uncover the hidden meaning behind this relationship between Jonathan Safran Foer, Jonathan Franzen and Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

My Week With "Stacy's Mom"

I felt soothed by it, my insecurities and rage somehow assuaged by early aughties power pop. As Adam Schlesinger told me that the mother of Stacy “had it going on,” I knew that I also was worthy of being sexed. I felt strangely empowered by his male gaze.

Proposed Scented Candles I Need For My Apartment

I recently saw a Yankee Candle in Tennessee, which is the final nail in the coffin of “The South Will Rise Again.” If the dependence on northern scented wax has penetrated below the Mason-Dixon line, there will be no stopping this juggernaut. So clearly, they’re doing pretty well, but I have a few suggestions of candle-scents for today’s young person.

What Freud Would Have Done If He Had Facebook

I’m paid to analyze the most trivial thoughts and irrelevant events in the lives of complete strangers, and even I don’t care about this. I’d rather watch a Celebrity Rehab marathon than spend another second dealing with the worthless drivel you post in your “updates.”

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