She wants to wait but she’s running out of patience. She knows that waiting is sometimes a waste of a time. She knows that she could be waiting for something that might not even happen. She has learned that it’s better to walk away than wait. It’s better to let go than hold on to what ifs and maybes and almosts but she also knows that some people need more time because she also needs time. Too fast and things fall apart. Too slow and things just lose their spark. She still can’t find the balance.
She wants to be understanding but sometimes she doesn’t understand. Why people act so busy if they care. Why people who claim to like her never reach out. Why people don’t make an effort if they are interested. She doesn’t understand silence. She doesn’t understand why simple things are hard to do but she also wants to be compassionate. She doesn’t know what people are going through so she wants to be kind but she doesn’t want to be a fool.
She wants to be positive but she doesn’t know how not to take things personally. She’s not good at pretending. She doesn’t know how to act like she’s not bothered when she is. She can’t act like she’s not sensitive when every little thing gets to her. She doesn’t know how to get her hopes up high without thinking of the worst-case scenarios. She doesn’t know how to go with the flow because she overthinks everything.
She wants to stick around but she finds it easier to walk away. She finds it easier to be alone. She finds it easier to be selfishly guarded instead of getting hurt again. She doesn’t know how to be brave anymore.
Maybe she wants someone to teach her how or maybe she just wants to feel safe or maybe she just needs to mend all the broken pieces before she opens up to love again. But for now, she got used to running. She got used to leaving. She got used to loving from a distance and wondering if it will ever turn into anything real.